Page 76 of Living with Death

“Well, I know you probably need to talk with your mom, so I’ll leave you to it.” She makes for the steps.

I lift my head. “Hey, Sam, how did you hear about Cook?”

“Your mom came into Grab & Go looking for you. We were all shocked and honestly concerned, considering none of us have met or heard anything about your family the whole time you’ve worked there. So I followed her to your house to check on you. It was the most awkward twenty minutes of my life.”

I cover my face, frowning. “I’m so sorry.”

She shrugs. “I’m just sorry you never felt we were close enough to tell me about your life.”

My heart shatters more. “It isn't personal, Sam.”

She nods. “It is to me.” And with that, she walks to her truck.

I groan, remembering when Sam introduced herself to Azrael.“I’m her best friend, Sam.”

But how can you be best friends with someone you don’t know? Maybe she thought she did know me. Or perhaps she thought I’d tell her when I was ready.

I watch as she drives off, leaving a mixture of black smoke and cold in her wake, the old truck roaring down the road. Crossing my arms, I look to the heavens. Tears sting my eyes, and I swallow and stand.

When I walk inside, Mom is sitting in Grandpop's old chair. I remove my coat and step into the living room.

“He loved this chair,” she says. “So much, he died in it, the old bastard.”

“Don’t talk about him like that.”

She looks over at me, her eyes raking from the top of my dress to my brown boots. I can feel the judgment even now. “I can talk about Grandpop how I wish. He was my father, after all.”

“Why would you call him that when he did so much for you?”

Her laugh is bitter, her white teeth glowing in the dark room.

“What’s so funny?”

She runs her hand over the arm of the chair, flicking an invisible piece of lint. “Did it ever occur to you that maybe you didn’t know your grandpop as well as you think?”

I narrow my eyes, stepping in front of her. “I knew he loved me. I knew he never tried to change me.”

She rolls her eyes. “I’ve only tried to make you the best version of yourself, Mabel. To give you the life I never had.”

I cross my arms. “And what was so bad about your childhood, huh? You grew up in this beautiful home with parents who loved one another.”

“I grew up in a home with a man who talked to ghosts. And when he wasn’t rambling in the middle of the night, his elbow was bent, drinking whatever he could get his hands on at the local bar.

“This town laughed at him. They thought he was crazy, and I was known as the fat daughter of the crazy man. Do you know what that was like for me? Kids can be cruel anyway, but I went through hell because of him.”

I don’t say anything. I never knew this about Grandpop. I only knew the man who built that window seat, so I could read books with the sun shining on my face. Grandpop told me stories and let me sit with him and Cook while they listened to the blues and talked about old times while the fish was frying. Of course, I had questions when I would hear him talking to himself, but I didn’t hear it often, so I let it go.

“My mother never said a word. She never said a word to me about anything important. She hardly looked my way.” Mom looks in front of her like she’s seeing it all again. “She’d stay in that god-awful kitchen, trying to stuff food down my throat.” Her face contorts, disgust evident.

How have I gone my whole life and never known any of this? I think back on my later teenage years. Grams didn’t say much, but she didn’t have to, not with me. My mother talked enough that it was nice to have silence. Grams’ food was comforting, and the sound of her in the kitchen and the smell drifting from it are some of my best memories. Not those stuffy parties where everyone pretends to like you. You’re only there because you have money, not because anyone gave a shit about you.

“I stopped hanging around this side of town and eating her food. I lost weight and put myself in good situations around people who didn’t know about him.”

“And that’s where you met Dad?” I ask.

“Yes.”

“And got pregnant with me?”

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