Page 92 of Living with Death

She doesn’t say anything.

I wring my hands. “I understand you did what you thought you needed to remove yourself from an unhappy situation.”

She sits down slowly, and for the first time in many years, I see my mother without heels. She’s barefoot in a long, flowy, hunter-green night dress with a flowery silk robe. She looks fabulous, as always.

“I never knew the things you said about Grandpop until recently. Cook told me he was able to speak with ghosts. I recall hearing him sometimes late at night when I’d stay there, but I chose to ignore it.” I shrug. “I loved him and Gram very much. That house was a prison for you but a sanctuary for me.”

I chew my lip, looking up at the crystal chandelier. The room smells of lavender. The ceiling is made of glass, allowing natural light to filter in. Her bookshelves are free of dust, and her desk is uncluttered.

“We’ve never seen eye to eye, and I don’t think we ever will, but we can try to understand one another.” I look over at her, seated on a cream sofa. A coffee table holds a cup of tea and the book she was reading. “I need you to back off. Please let me live my life the way I wish. I realize I’m your only child and that you worry about certain things, but it’s unnecessary. I take care of myself, Mother. I care about myself enough to do that. And you’ve ensured I’d have enough money to last me a lifetime, so there’s no need to worry about me.”

She looks down at the rug under her feet.

“I’m in love with Jack, and he loves me very much. I want to see where things go with him.”

I see her swallow, the disapproval clear on her face.

“You’ve wanted me to find a man for ages, and now that I have, you aren’t happy? I don’t understand.”

“I’m scared.”

“What? Why are you scared?”

“I’m afraid he’ll take you away from me, and I’ll never see you again.”

“What?” I shake my head. “That’s absurd.”

Her eyes jump to mine. “I know who he is, Mabel. I knew the moment I laid eyes on him.”

I freeze, and my blood runs cold.

“Your grandpop wasn’t the only one with… special abilities.”

“What?”

“I can also speak with the dead. I’ve been able to since I was a child. I ignored it for as long as possible, thinking it would go away if I got out of that house and away from Dad. It didn’t.” She laughs lightly. “Honestly, when your father would…” She clears her throat. “Anyway, after he’d leave, the ghosts were what kept me company sometimes.”

I rub my forehead. “I never knew.”

“Well, I never let anyone know. I didn’t want to be considered crazy like Dad was.” She sits back against the couch, putting her legs up. “Azrael terrifies me.”

She knows his name.

“You don’t need to be afraid of him.”

“How can you not be?” she asks. “Look who he is.”

“I know, but he’s also kind and loving and makes me feel things I’ve never felt before.”

She sighs. “What does it mean for you two to have a relationship? What if he wants to marry you? How does that work?”

I dart my eyes. “It’s complicated.”

Her brows lift, but she doesn’t say anything. The silence stretches, and after a long moment, she speaks. “I want you to be happy. There’s nothing I want more. Perhaps I could have been a better mother to you, but I didn’t have a great example.”

I angle my head, and she holds up her hand. “That’s not an excuse. It’s just…well, it’s just a fact. I was so hell-bent on making sure you didn’t have the same life as me. I see now that I could have done better.” She looks up. “I should have left him,” she whispers as if she’s afraid to admit it. “We wouldn’t have anything, but I should have done it anyway. I was forced to sign a prenup.” She laughs bitterly. “He did everything he could to try to make me leave. Hit me, cheated, took me when I didn’t want it. I can never get those years back. All that wasted time.” She sniffs and rubs at her eyes. “God, I’ve been doing a lot of this lately. Nothing worse than your kid saying you make them sick. It gets the waterworks flowing.”

I instantly feel shame.

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