Page 20 of Hotter in the Hamptons

She wondered if all this would feel as bad if it had been written by a journalist she didn’t want to impress. But she really respected Aly. She’d thought they hit it off. She’d thought theylikedeach other, could maybe even become friends. She’d even thought of Aly with Justin inside her. And Aly had turned around and said the most hurtful things she possibly could. It was one thing to call her out to her face. It was another thing to declare it to the world.

Though Aly was right that Lola had lost her sense of self. She tried to remember the last time she felt truly alive, in love with what she had. It had been years. It maybe hadn’t been since the beginning of her relationship with Justin, back when she was still making her own clothes and doing her own styling. She had been making maybe an eighth of the money she made this year, but it had been more fun, hadn’t it? Hadn’t she loved digging through thrift-store bins to find the perfect pieces, refurbishing them, getting to share photos of her creations with equally passionate people online? How had she let all that slip away? Did money really matter that much to her? It was a horrifying thing to realize.

Meanwhile, Justin texted her updates from LA. His parents said hi, his sisters said hi, his friends from high school that hadn’t known Lola’s name back then said hi. He sent her pictures of palm trees andavocados and the beach. She replied with hearts, unable to muster enthusiasm for the familiar scenes of home but not wanting to hurt his feelings more than she already had.

Soon enough, Justin stopped asking her if there was anything he could do, which was a relief. There was nothing he could do. There was nothing anyone could do.

***

One evening while she and Ryan watchedReal Housewives of Salt Lake Cityduring his now-daily post-work “Lola-life-crisis-time,” Lola joked, “What if I did a ‘get ready with me’ about getting canceled?”

He laughed.

“Or!” she said. “A day in the life of acancelita. And it’s just me in pajamas crying.”

Ryan laughed again but then furrowed his brow.

“I don’t think you should do that,” he said.

“I was kidding,” she whined, switching the TV toGirls, a scene of Hannah and Elijah doing cocaine before clubbing filling her laptop screen.

“That’s so us, babe,” Ryan sighed fondly.

“It used to be us,” Lola said. “Now we live in bed.”

“Youlive in bed,” Ryan corrected. “When I leave here, I have a whole entire life.”

He was just joking, but her eyes filled with tears. “What’s that like?” she whispered.

Before he could answer, her phone started ringing, startling them both with its loud buzz on her nightstand. “Jesus Christ,” Ryan said.

She looked at the screen. “Fuck, it’s Todd.”

“Answer it!”

“You answer it.” She put the phone in Ryan’s hand.

He answered but then gave it back to her. She sighed and held it up to her ear.

“Hi, Todd,” she said in a voice so pathetic, she should have felt embarrassed, but instead she felt nothing. She was becoming numb to her own tragedy.

She should have known better than to assume this was the worst it was going to get.

“Lola,” he said, as brusque and businesslike as ever. He did not sayhow are you? He also did not saythis is not a big deal.Instead, he said, “We need to talk.”

“Okay.” She put him on speakerphone so Ryan could hear.

“I just got off the phone with Shopbop.”

Fuck, she mouthed at Ryan, whose eyes went wide.

A call with Shopbop could only be about one thing: the Lola Likes Dresses contract. The thing she was the most proud of, the first line of clothing she’d ever helped design. The deal that was supposed to bring her back to her original goals of becoming a designer.

“They’ve decided to put the project on permanent pause.”

Ryan grabbed the Chopin and started chugging it.

“What the fuck does ‘permanent pause’ mean?” Lola cried.

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