Page 53 of The Sign for Home

“I understand,” he signed. “You embarrass. Not want to tell. Because they say G-A-Y people will disappear forever on Judgment Day. G-A-Y means not saved. Brother Birch want fire you for G-A-Y. If you G-A-Y I don’t care. Doesn’t matter. Shh. Secret. My old friend from Rose Garden School, Martin, I think he become G-A-Y when grow up. But I don’t care. He best friend. So maybe he also will disappear on Judgment Day if not say sorry to Jehovah God. Big Head Lawrence not G-A-Y. But he still maybe die forever because he not believe in God. But I don’t care. You be G-A-Y, it’s okay. Just notdoG-A-Y and ask Jehovah God for forgive then all good.”

What was I supposed to say?Thank you for your instructions on how to save my queer soul, but I’ll try my chances with eternal damnation if I can still fuck another man?I shifted in my seat, begging whatever gods existed to please find a way to get me out of the conversation before I said something that would definitely make me lose the job.

“Okay. I’m heading to the toilet. Molly should be here any minute.”

When I stood up, I could see from Arlo’s expression that he knew he had crossed a line.

“Okay, okay,” he signed. “I understand. G-A-Y personal. Private. Okay. Okay. Sorry. We not talk anymore about you G-A-Y. I wrong ask personal. I sorry. But can talk more later? You angry? Cyril?”

Arlo reached his hands out again, fearful that I had already left. I paused briefly, my own petulance getting the better of me.Let him think I’ve left!I stood there for ten seconds, cruelly watching the desperation on his face. I finally shoved my hands back into his. My better angel wanting to assuage his fears, my worse angel seeing his contrition as an opportunity.

“Okay. Fine. We can talk more, but I have a question for you. I’m curious. I saw you once alone in the cafeteria, trying to spell what I think was someone’s name. You looked upset. It was S-something. Was that the person that made you feelhappy and sadat the same time? The one who protected you from Crazy Charles?”

And just like that, Arlo retreated back inside his head, gathering all his secrets, shoving them back in and slamming the door.

“Hey, don’t just ignore me,” I demanded. “You know, if you search the internet, I bet you could probably find all your old friends. People do that all the time. You could get their emails or contact your old school.”

Arlo suddenly looked enraged and with both fists pounded the table very hard. The teacher across the room looked up.

“No!” Arlo signed, punching the air with his signs. “Forbidden!”

“Forbidden?What is forbidden? Forbidden to contact the school or your old friends?”

Arlo yanked his hands from mine and turned the interrogation light back onto me.

“No! You!” he shouted, his rare fury reaching new heights. “I already tell you many private stories. Finish! Enough! Now talk about you. Question! The Deaf ASL teacher friend? Is he your G-A-Y sweetheart?”

I grabbed Arlo’s wrists and angrily shoved my hands into his.

“That’s not your business. We are not talking about the G-A-Y thing anymore. That’s my private life. Not up for discussion. You understand that I’m not your friend, right? I’m your interpreter. There’s a difference!”

Arlo pulled his hands from mine and I could tell I had reacted too aggressively. I gently reached for his hands.

“Hey, I’m sorry,” I signed. “I didn’t mean to grab you like that. I’m so sorry.”

Arlo’s hands listened limply; his expression proved he was somewhere else.

“I’m sorry,” I repeated. “I’m not angry. It’s just… if we continue to work together, it’s best we keep it professional. Understand?”

“Class start soon,” Arlo signed, his face blank. “I want alone now. Okay?”

Then Arlo folded his arms, shoving his hands into his armpits. Conversation over.

20EMAIL TO HANNE

Dear Hanne Van Steenkiste:

I am Arlo Dilly. DEAFBLIND boy you meet with interpreter CYRIL BREWSTER. It have nice was to MEET you. You NICE friendly woman and ask lots of questions. Thank you. I send LINK to JW.org website show INFORMATION about Jehovah God and Jesus. Thank YOU. Read if WANT BE saved. (SMILE)

OKAY?

Is 2:30 a.m. in morning. Snap asleep, but I CANNOT. Too many words and stories in brain.

I tell you other SECRET. SHH. You ask me if I want meet GIRL to marry. YES! I want meet SOMEDAY JW girl marry and DATE. But NOT EASY for DEAFBLIND man and girl have THE SUBLIME relationship. Deaf girls not want talk on me. Girls SIGHTED and HEARING not interest DEAFBLIND man. Maybe when I moving to ECUADOR because become JW PIONEER I meeting DEAFBLIND ECUADOR JW WOMAN with beautiful hands and SMART. Smooth skin. Smell nice. Soft warm body. Tell STORIES to me! Maybe falling in LOVE will TRANSPIRE! Feeling THE SUBLIME! Feeling AWE! HA HA. Dreaming. (SMILE) BEFORE I hoping willmeet DEAFBLIND girl here. But not likely when LOOK AT STATISTICS find on internet:

PEOPLE WHO I (Arlo Dilly) CAN LOVE AND DATE

IF:

---