Page 65 of Disco Witches of Fire Island

“So?” he blurted out.

“So what?” Fergal narrowed his eyes in a way that insisted Joe be clear.

Joe rubbed the good luck charm in his pocket again. “You wanna go out on a date with me or not?”

“You are really somethin’.” Fergal shook his head, but the corner of his mouth twitched in an almost smile. “Can I be honest with you?”

“Sure.” Joe’s voice cracked, fearful that the honesty might hurt.

“I’ve actually never been on a real date with a guy—or a girl, for that matter. I mean I’ve fucked a lot of folks, obviously, but …” He looked like he was searching for something to say, but then just laughed like he was unable—or frightened?—to find the words. “What I mean is, I’m not sure it’s a good idea—”

“I don’t mean to cut you off,” Joe said, playing with the newfound power that Ronnie had pointed out in him, “but I’m not gonna accept no for an answer. Look, I finish work early tonight. I know you didn’t get any sleep, but it’s gonna be a crazy week with getting ready for the benefit. My day off was even canceled.” He cleared his throat. “What I’m trying to say is, we shouldn’t waste time. Howie says wasting time is the worst sin in the world. And I know going on a date is way scarier than just fucking someone. I feel the same way. So, what I’m asking is—”

“Sure,” Fergal interrupted, his face flushing while he attempted to maintain his gruff, matter-of-fact tone. “I guess I can get someone to cover for me after the sevenPMferry, and maybe I can catch a few naps on trips over.”

“Great! I’m done with work at eight. Meet me at my house at 8:05, and I’ll figure out a place we can go.”

“Mmm-kay,” Fergal said.

Joe didn’t know what to say next, so he hemmed and hawed and bit his lower lip a few times. “I guess I’ll catch you later,” he finally said.

Then he walked a few tentative steps closer to Fergal, lifted himself up on his toes so their faces would be at equal height, and kissed him. Unlike the first time they’d kissed, this time was gentle. He was able to feel the softness of Fergal’s lips set against the roughness of his beard. He pushed the kiss further. Fergal’s mouth responded. They closed their eyes while their tongues grappled like two Turkish oil wrestlers who had fallen in love. When Joe swallowed the sweet but salty wetness of Fergal’s mouth, he imagined a magnificent tsunami, the entirety of the ocean, sweeping him under.

34.First Date

“Disco Witches should always carry snacks.”

—Disco Witch Manifesto #4

“Careful what you’re doing, lad!” Vince bristled at Joe, who had not been paying attention while filling the beer cooler. “You’re feckin’ mixing Bud Lites with the Heinekens!”

“Sorry, Vince,” Joe said, waking from a daydream. He had been replaying his last kiss with Fergal and fantasizing about their upcoming first date—which would commence as soon as the merman hurried his fishtail to the number eight.

“I hope you’re not getting your hopes up about that date.” Vince slammed a vodka bottle into the well rack. “Not to be a downer, but statistically, romantic relationships on this feckin’ island have the success rate equal to landing a man on Mars. And if you do, by some miracle, stay together through August, you’ll for sure be signing the divorce papers before Christmas.”

“I appreciate that useful and optimistic feedback, Vince,” Joe said with a sarcastic smile. He knew Vince was only acting bitter because he was still heartbroken. Hopefully, Joe’s plan for Vince and Ronnie to “accidentally run into each other” at the ACT UP benefit would work.

As Joe was reorganizing the beer cooler, the bar door pushed open, and in walked Fergal, wearing khaki pants and a long-sleeved blue button-down that made his eyes pop. He had also groomed his scruff and gelled his hair, looking JFK Jr. hot. Joe was speechless. Unfortunately, he was also shirtless and wearing his package-enhancing go-go shorts. Sensing the glaring contrast, he threw his bar rag over his shoulder to cover the little he could.

“Well, looky here!” Vince sang, sarcastically emphasizing his brogue. “Young Master Fergal all dressed up for his first communion! Or is it the wedding already?”

The few men at the bar all turned toward Fergal, who looked apologetically at Joe. “Did I wear the wrong thing?” he stammered.

“No,” Joe said, his heart melting. “You lookchoice. Vince is just jealous because he hasn’t worn a shirt since 1983 and forgot how buttons work.”

Vince shook his head before petulantly polishing the rocks glasses.

“You actually had those fancy duds on the boat?” Joe asked.

“Nope,” Fergal said. “I had my roommate drop them at the dock for me. I hope I didn’t get here too early?”

“Nah, I was just going to leave in about ten minutes.” Joe lowered his voice. “I’ll need to go home first and throw on something a little more decent before we hit a restaurant. I don’t wanna look like you’re paying me.”

“Good idea.” Fergal laughed. “But I got a little surprise waiting for you over at your house.”

“A surprise? For real?” Joe’s heart did a little flip.

“Yep.” Fergal leaned over the bar until he was touching distance from Joe.

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