Page 108 of What I Like About You

Ollie looks up from his screen. “Wait. What did he say when you told him? I mean, you’re glowing, so it must’ve not been terrible, right? He understood? Everything is great?”

I chew my lower lip. “Oh. I mean—”

As soon as it clicks, all enthusiasm drains from his face.

“Halle.”

“I know.”

He speaks slowly. Emphatic. Like I’m a toddler. “You’re going to BookCon. Kels got the panel. So I really think it’s time—”

“I almost did, okay?”

I figure even though I failed, telling Ollie how close I was to spilling my soul will get him off my back.

“What happened?”

“I don’t know, I tried to bring up Kels—but he shut it down and called his feelings for her, um, me,imaginary internet bullshit. I don’t know, he was allKels isn’t real, and I just … Maybe he’s right. Maybe she never was.”

“Kelsisn’treal. Not if you don’t own it.”

Iughinto a pillow. I want to ride the high of last night before reality sets in. Like, why can’t Ollie be happy for me for two seconds before the patronizing begins?

“Until you tell him,” Ollie says, “stop talking about Nash to me. You can’t have it both ways. Now you’re legit just playing him.”

“Fine,” I say, standing up and storming out of his room. “Done.”

We don’t watchToy Story.

Instead, I’m dealing with theFireflies and Youfandom.

I can’t be on hiatus indefinitely—especially not if people think my silence is complicit. It’s not evenpeople’sopinions who matter—it’sAutumn’s. Autumn thinks my silence is support. Yesterday, I proved to her in actions that it’s not.

Today, I want to prove it to her in words.

So I spend my morning putting together a blog post that is very much Not AboutFireflies and Youand shoot a tweet off into the ether before I can overthink it.

Kels@OneTruePastry 2s

it’s heartbreaking when an author you loved disappoints you. did I see fireflies & you? yes! will i be talking about it? no! instead, here’s a list of incredible authors who shout about how much they LOVE writing YA.

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Kels@OneTruePastry 1s

my F&Y feelings are vast and complicated, but that’s no excuse to keep giving the author a platform. silence is absolutely not my brand & i’m sorry to anyone who has been hurt by mine.

It’s not enough, but it’s a start, so I mute Twitter notifications on the tweet, close my laptop, and turn my attention to the messages that have accumulated on my phone while I’ve been in OTP land. I blink at the sheer number of notifications, forHalle. I’m used to Kels’s messages blowing up—formeto have so many notifications is a relatively new concept.

Autumn Williams

Um? Why is Nash only communicating in nonsensical emojis??

11:39am

Molly Jacobson

Wtf did I miss?!?!

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