Page 133 of What I Like About You

His mouth drops open. “Well—”

“There never was a Nick thing. It was a Kels thing.”

“Holy shit, Halle. Does it even matter? You’re the same person!”

“You didn’t know that!” I say.

“Yeah but youdid. Rewind. Let’s talk aboutthat. You’re Kels.”

He still says it like it’s another language.

I nod. “I’m Kels.”

“Kels,” he repeats. His voice cracks and I want to bury my face in my knees. He sits next to me on the bench and closes his eyes and I know he’s pressed rewind. Back to every moment I sort of slipped, every chance he had to put the pieces together. Every time he mentioned Kels and I nodded along. Every time he told me the stories of his life that I already knew. Every time he texted me, Halle, and me, Kels, simultaneously.

The sunrise.

Molly’s party.

It’s all clicking, just way too late.

His eyes pop open. “This is so messed up.”

“I know.”

“You’re so messed up,” Nash says.

His words stab me in the stomach.

“Nash,” I say.

“No,” Nash says. “This is such bullshit. I told you about BookCon. I showed you REX.I told you how I felt about Kels. God. You knew that and you ghosted me and I had no idea why. Do you even know what that was like? But you’ve been right here the whole time. How could you not tell me?”

“I was scared.” It’s the answer behind all the excuses and justifications. Really, that’s all it ever was. It was never about Nash or protecting OTP. I was just too scared.

Nash laughs, like,That’s the best you could come up with?“Of what?”

I pick the threads on my ripped jeans so I don’t have to look at him. “Honestly? Kels is way cooler than me, right? At first I thought you’d be disappointed if you knew.”

Nash blinks.

“At first? Halle. It’sApril. It’s beenseven months.We’re in arelationship.”

“I know.”

“All year, you lied to me. Pretended not to know me. You lied to all of us.” He clenches his fists at his side.

I cringe because I hate that word. That’s who I am to him now. A liar.

“I liked that you liked me,” I blurt out.

His fists unclench. “What?”

“Online? As Kels? I don’t stumble over my words. Peoplecareabout what I say.Youcared. She’s me without the anxiety that comes withbeingme. When we met, I didn’t even know how tofriendshipIRL. But you still liked me. I don’t know. I liked that. And like you said: Kels isn’t real. This is. We are.”

“Were,” Nash corrects. “Wewere.”

There it is.

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