Ollie exhales, because I’ve never broken a pinky swear.

As soon as Ollie exits the room, I stuff my face in my pillow. Attempt to suffocate the fact that I, Halle Levitt, am at a total loss.

I can’t jeopardize Kels’s friendship with Nash.I won’t. I don’t know how tofriendshipIRL. Behind a screen, it’s easy to talk to Nash about the possibility of meeting. It’s easy to imagine an offline friendship, us studying for midterms together at the library and going to book events in the evenings. It’s easy to imagine because it’s theoretical. We both have to get into NYU first. It’s not real until that happens, and there are so many ways it could not. BookCon feels like an even bigger long shot. One of us getting it would be insanely lucky. Both of us? Impossible. There’s every possibility none of it will ever be real.

I’m not ready for real. How can I be certain the truth that is me won’t be a total letdown? I imagine the flash of disappointment that crosses his face when I tell him who I am. His disappointment—it wouldruinme. I can’t deal with that.

So for now, I won’t.

September 3

6:41 AM

Mom

WE’RE CONNECTED

Dad

omg hi

Ollie

what up

how are you? how is Israel? how is everything?

Dad

Mom

We scouted this morning … locations for b-roll, other kibbutzim to interview … it’s going to be great

Dad

awesome!

Ollie

I’ve already told all my friends that you’re going to win an Oscar

Mom

Oliver

Dad

Ollie

Just raising the stakes

Mom

If you’re going to brag about your fab parents, at least tell them something true!

Mom

How are you doing, Hal?