Page 119 of Friends with Benefits

She nods. Digs in. “Yeah. Whynow?”

“I don’t understand the question.”

“Theodore. I can only be rejected so many times.”

“Rejected?”

“Prom,” she says, counting on her fingers, and Theo’s unsure what throws him more, that she’s still holding on to prom or the insinuation that maybe, possibly, they have felt the same way about each other sinceprom? Evelyn continues her list. “Spring break…” She pauses. Swallows. Then holds out her third finger. Her ring finger. “Lori’s—”

“Evelyn.”

“You wanted to talk about us.”

“One, we were both wasted. Two,my mom had just died. I’m…” Theo rakes a hand through his curls. “Are you serious right now?” Evelyn shrugs. “I wanted to talk about it. The morning after.Youacted like it didn’t happen, then got back with Hanna.”

“Monthslater.”

“I know. I’m sorry! We were just… my mom…” Theo’s losing the plot. “I’m sorry. But you have to know I felt the same way. Ifeelthe same way. Present tense.”

She shakes her head. “It doesn’t matter.”

“Of course it matters.”

“You need to be in New York.”

Frustration raises his blood pressure, his watch vibrating against his pulse. “Evelyn. Can you please stop acting like you know what I need? I’m telling you what I need.You.Any way I can have you. Every way I can have you. And that terrifies me! It always has, but I don’t want to waste any more time pretending that I just love you, that I’m not also hopelesslyinlove with you. I want to be with you. Whatever that means. However you want me.” He shifts onto his knees, tilts her chin up with the pad of his thumb so that her eyes meet his. “I don’t need New York. Or a job in curriculum development. I. Need. You.”

There it is.

Theo’s feelings.

Felt out loud… and met with silence.

Then, a single word. “No.”

25

“What?”

“I’m answering your question,” Evie whispers. She lets out a shaky exhale as she pulls away and wraps her arms around her knees to soothe the stomach stabbies that have come and gone all week, that refuse to subside.Fuck. She needs them to subside. Needs this minor flare-up to not become a full-blown flare-up. NeedsTheo. “I don’t want to be with you.”

Theo covers her knee with his hand, so gentle it hurts. “I love you.”

“You won’t change my mind about marriage.”

“Noted.” He presses his lips against her forehead. “I love you.”

“I can’t leave Dr. Griffith.”

His expression softens, then shifts into something so hopeful that Evie immediately knows she’s said the wrong thing. “Ev. Dr. G loves you, too. I’m sure she’ll refer you to the best. We can figure that out first. Choose a neighborhooddepending on where the best GI doctor in New York City is based.”

“No.” She digs her nails into her knees and inhales. “I don’twantto leave Dr. G. Or any of my doctors. It isn’t just doctors… it’s finding a new infusion center, deciphering new state insurance laws, convincing new phlebotomists that I know where my best veins are and to please use the 25G needle, so I’m not covered in bruises from a bad draw. I know it’s invisible, so sometimes it’s easy to forget that I’m sick but—”

“Is that what you think?”

Theo looks wounded. Theo, who keeps their kitchen stocked with her favorite foods. Who will carry her around Disneyland based on one super specific eyebrow twitch. Who knows her medication and supplement dosages and when she’s running low on something. Who would be at every infusion if they weren’t on school days.It’s easy to forget that I’m sick.It’s an unfair accusation and Evie knows it. But. She will not be the reason Theo doesn’t accept his dream job.

He needs to go.

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