Page 121 of Friends with Benefits

Theo raises his arms in resignation. “Okay.” Then he drags a hand across his face, so exhausted, so sad, sodoneas he backs toward the door. “But, Ev? You can’t blame people for leaving when you’re the one shoving them out the goddamn door.”

Their marriage was always going to end in a no-fault divorce. It’s what Evie wants. In the days after their fallout, she takes antinausea medication every night before bed. It’s what she wants. WatchesLove Islandalone. It’s what she wants. Works overtime. Pushes her body beyond its limits, so she crashes as soon as she gets home. It’s what she wants.

Currently, is dedicating an entire therapy session to this assertion. “It’s what I want.”

“You keep saying that.” Jules nods, a floating head on Evie’s computer screen. “So. What’s keeping you in Pasadena?”

“Work.”

“Valid.”

“Phoebe.” Jules’s eyebrows rise, prompting Evie to elaborate. “My car.”

“Ah.”

“You.”

“Me?”

“Yeah. I’d need a new Jules if I moved to New York, wouldn’t I?”

“You would.”

“Fuckthat.”

Jules’s mouth quirks, but then their expression softens. “Evie. Is the idea of building trust with new providers maybe, possibly, triggering some medical trauma stuff for you?”

Evie shrugs.

Rips a hangnail.

Bleeds.

“Maybe,” she concedes. “I don’t know if I have it in me to start over? I think about it and get so overwhelmed and I just… can’t. How am I supposed to let go of the first doctors who saw my pain and believed me?”

“I understand that.” Jules has ulcerative colitis, so this isn’t some false platitude—a huge reason that she trusts Jules is because theydounderstand health stuff. “Navigating the healthcare system while chronically ill is theworst.” They take notes. Evie fixates on theclicks of the keyboard, continuing to pick the skin around her nails as they type. “Did you talk about this with Theo?”

“I did.”

“What did he say?”

“I’ll stay. As if it’s that simple!”

Jules blinks. “Isn’t it?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“I think, for me…” Evie has moved on to fidgeting with the hair elastic on her wrist after adequately destroying the skin around her thumb as she attempts to articulate what she means, looking everywhere but at Jules. “If I had another chance to dance? I would take it. Without hesitation. I wouldn’t choose him. So. I can’t let him chooseme.”

“His decision isn’t yours to make.”

“I know.”

“Do you?”

“Yes! I just don’t want to be a factor in his decision.”

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