Page 14 of Kiss Me, Maybe

“Ugh.” The sound bursts out of me with a force I can’t contain. “No, probably not. I couldn’t possibly be that lucky to get it right on the first try.”

“Then you’re going through an awful lot of trouble for… what, exactly?” Her brows crease as she leans over the bar, her crossed arms pushing her ample cleavage up. It’s like anextreme sport, pretending I don’t notice. “Someone you’ll date for a while?”

“I’m not stressing it,” I say as her eyes grow wider. “I’ll be satisfied just to lose my K-card.”

She drops her head onto my shoulder with a groan that sinks its way into my chest. I freeze, breathless from the way her curls whisper against the edge of my cheek. The contact only lasts a second, but I still can’t manage to catch my breath. “Youcan’tcall it that. Take that back right now.”

“Is it really that bad?”

“Just awful.” And yet, she can’t stop smiling. “Why don’t you think you’ll find your soulmate?”

“Bold of you to assume I believe in the concept.”

She pins me with a knowing look. “Says the woman planning to lose her ‘K-card’ in the most elaborate way possible.”

“Fair point.” I roll my eyes. “I’m not opposed, exactly. That’d be the best-case scenario, right?”

“It’s a good story,” she says. “One you can tell your kids.”

My parents would love that. First a partner, then marriage, then kids. But I haven’t done anything relationship-wise… ever. How do I know I’m ready for that type of commitment?

“That kind of life…” I shake my head. “It feels worlds away from where I’m at right now.”

There’s an expression on her face I can’t make out. Then she says, so quiet I barely hear her, “I know the feeling.” Before I can ask what she means, she continues. “What do you want to get from it, then?”

“You mean besides losing my—” A warning look stops me in my tracks. I roll my lips inward until they’re no longer visible.

“Besides your first kiss,” she says. “Is that all you want? Nothing else?”

“What else is there?”

“Someone you connect with,” she says. “Someone you could love, if you’re interested in finding that kind of thing.”

“There are people who aren’t?” The question is light, but from the way Krystal’s shoulders tense and she averts her gaze, I get the feeling I’ve hit a nerve. “Areyounot?”

“This isn’t about me,” she deflects.

But maybe it should be, because now it’s all I can think about.

When my parents, along with the rest of my extended family, found out I’d never been kissed, I got a lot of pitying looks. I was only sixteen, but that didn’t stop them from overwhelming me with heteronormative clichés every time they saw me.

Once you stop looking for it, love will sneak up on you.

The longer you wait, the greater it will be when you finally meet the right guy.

He’ll be worth the wait.

I never looked for love. Never even tried. Maybe somewhere in the back of my mind, I was hoping everything they said was true. That I’d meet someone amazing in an organic way, and they’d enter my life when I least expected it. Maybe I’m still hoping for that, for this scavenger hunt to be a vehicle to leadthe onedirectly to me without having to do any of the work.

But itiswork. This entire week planning has been nothing but work, and I’m nowhere near done.

“Maybe it’s just me, but I sort of feel this pressure to findthe right person off the bat,” I admit. “Because I’ve waited so long, you know? It’s like… what was the point of holding off all this time if the first person I date is awful?”

She bites her bottom lip, and for a moment I’m fascinated by the view until her teeth pull away from her lip. I glance up at her eyes, but I’m not sure what I find there. If it’s that same understanding, or something deeper.

“Right,” she finally replies.

“It feels a bit superstitious, searching for love myself. I keep being told love will come when I least expect it. All my life, people have actually said that.”

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