Page 15 of Kiss Me, Maybe

“It’s bullshit,” she says. “There’s not some greater power at work here. Just misogyny. Women aren’t allowed to have agency, remember?”

Her grin comes full force.

“That makes a lot of sense, actually.” I let out a laugh. “Thanks. I needed to hear that.”

“Welcome.” She takes my empty glass and deposits it into the sink. “Besides, how can you expect to find love if you’re not searching for it? That’s a dumb thing to say to single people.”

“Exactly.” I throw up my arms. “And it’s not as if I’m expecting to find love right away. I want to dive headfirst into the dating pool. Have all the fun I’ve apparently missed out on all this time before settling down with someone.”

“Not a bad plan.”

She smirks as she places a glass of water in front of me.

“Thank you.” The air grows tense the longer we stare at each other. I want to say something more, but nothing comes to mind that holds the weight of the gratitude I feel for her inthis moment. Not just her willingness to jump into this with me, but also understanding why I need to do it.

Her gaze pins me in place. “You’re welcome, Angel.”

I try to say something, even just her name, but my tongue feels like sandpaper. I clear my throat and take another sip of my water. Tip my head in a nod when I don’t trust myself to speak.

“You get more and more interesting every time we meet.” Her smile is so dazzling, I nearly topple over in my seat. “There’s no way I’m missing out on this. I can’t wait to see how your scavenger hunt turns out.”

Five

When I walk downstairs to the kitchen on Friday night, Julian is sitting at the table with his laptop and two stacks of worksheets.

“How was school?” I ask him. “Did you see Theo?”

“Good,” he answers without looking up from the screen. “And yeah, we got lunch off campus. He hit the truck parked next to me with the passenger door.”

“It’s nice that you’re making friends with people who continue to accidentally damage your property. Most people would steer clear at least, file a restraining order at worst. That’s very magnanimous of you.”

“Lucky for him, my car and everything else I own is a piece of shit. Besides, the school has a new position opening next year. Schmoozing with the staff isn’t a bad idea in my book.”

“So you’re using my best friend’s boyfriend for your own gain.” I tsk. “I knew you had an ulterior motive all along.”

“Speaking of questionable motives…” He shuts his laptop before staring at me head-on. “We need to talk about the group chat thing.”

“That’s not even a good segue,” I scoff.

“Well you’d know, being the queen of avoidance and everything.” His piercing look tells me I won’t be getting out of the conversation this time. “You ghosted the chat for a week, and then you just… left. You had to know they’d react badly to that.”

“I don’t really care how they react.” I cross my arms over my chest. “I’m not giving them the power to hurt me over something that has nothing to do with them. Not anymore.”

“You never told them how much their teasing hurt you,” he pointed out. “You should talk to them. Clear the air.”

It wasn’t just teasing to me. They made me dread school and family barbecues. I grew cautious of every interaction with them, waiting for the other shoe to drop and for them to make me feel like shit again. That’s how it’s always been with them, until the summer after high school graduation when I got so sick of them that I lied and said I finally kissed someone just to get them off my back.

The lie was a spectacular one too. I told them about Will Mora, a cute boy in my first period who I caught staring at me every day (truth), how I asked him out after catching him looking at me for the umpteenth time on the last day of school (truth), how magical our first date was (the magical description was a lie, but the date was unfortunately true), that it turned into a summer fling (a more blatant lie that I’m not proud of) where I lost my virginity on the shaggy carpet of his bedroom floor because his bed was too squeaky and we didn’t want to wake his parents (the biggest lie I’ve ever told to date, inspired by a conversation I overheard in the girl’s restroom).

I meant to kiss Will for real, just to get the first kiss thing out of the way, but after an hour-long date spent looking at the time on my phone more than his face, I couldn’t force myself to go through with it. His lips were mere inches from mine when I brushed him off, said I saw him more as a friend—even though that much was generous; I didn’t see him as anything at all.

But that wasn’t even the worst part. It was Esme’s squeals of joy, the way Briana’s arms wrapped around me in a bone-crushing hug, and their shared excitement over my havingfinallyexperienced this so-called important milestone. Guilt churned in my belly as they asked to see a picture of Will and I was finally invited into their inner circle. Later on, Briana even told me she was jealous I “lost” my virginity before her.

I hated myself for the story the more their excitement grew. As soon as they started treating me like a friend, I knew I couldn’t take it back. It was the first time they were actually nice to me since the whole first kiss debacle, the first time they saw me as someone they could relate to, and it was based on a lie.

Since they’ve seen my videos, Briana and Esme must now know I lied to them. Or worse, that I made it up for attention. I’m almost tempted to ask Julian to show me the chat, but I know reading their messages won’t make me feel any better. It’s easier to let it go, to not know what they’re saying about me, and to ignore them for the rest of eternity. Or however long they’ll let me, anyway.

Six

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