Page 25 of Kiss Me, Maybe

“I’m glad I was spared that, actually.” I laugh. “And what did Briana say?”

“She’s confused and… angry. Not saying she’s justified in feeling that way, just that she is.” He shrugs. “She said she thought you guys were close enough that you would tell her something like that personally. That even a text would’ve been better than hearing it secondhand.”

Oh,she’sangry? What aboutme? What am I supposed to be after what they put me through all of high school?

“I don’t owe her a goddamn thing. Either of them.” I scoff.“Even if I thought I did, if I tried to tell them the truth now, do you think they’ll really believe me?” He stares at me for a long time, but he doesn’t say a thing. “That’s what I thought.” Another sigh leaves my lips. “I don’t know what to do here.”

“I get where you’re coming from, but I think you still need to try.”

He’s right. I know he is, but I hate the person I become when I’m around them. Small and invisible and juvenile. Less adult, less than them, period. I swore to myself a long time ago that I’d never be that girl again.

“I will,” I tell him, even though I have no plans to. “Promise.”

Turns out I’m not done lying yet.

Eleven

DM EXCHANGE:

@LetiIsTrying:Saw your last video, I’m sorry about the mural being washed off. It sounded like it meant a lot to you.

@Angela:Thanks, Leti. I appreciate it.

@LetiIsTrying:Of course. I’m here if you ever need to talk. But speaking of your last post, I did want to mention something…

@Angela:What is it?

@LetiIsTrying:I think we live in the same city.

@LetiIsTrying:It looked like you were filming from the Tower of the Americas. Do you live in San Antonio?

@Angela:No way! You live here too?

@LetiIsTrying:I do!

@LetiIsTrying:And suddenly I’m not so bummed about the prospect of someone else being your first kiss. I’m very competitive, you know.

@Angela:I gathered that from your livestreams. You’re very… spirited when things don’t go your way

@LetiIsTrying:What can I say? I like to win

@LetiIsTrying:Btw, if the next time I say “Fuck me, Jesus Christ” on a livestream and you comment again with “He can’t do that, Leti, he’s a man of god” or something equally as quippy, you’re going on my shit list

@Angela:Come on, Leti. We both know you love my antics. And when you lay it all out like that, I’m surprised you haven’t gotten a TikTok violation yet

@LetiIsTrying:You and me both

@LetiIsTrying:Get ready, Angela. I’m about to make this scavenger hunt my bitch.

My nights are spent online now more than ever. Except this time, I’m not posting or scrolling through comments. I’m searching for answers.

After hours of scrolling through @TheGreatAcecape’s account, I’m more or less confident I’m still ace, which is a relief, but there’s an ever-growing possibility that I’m not aegosexual like I once thought. @TheGreatAcecape doesn’t use any micro labels publicly, but from their experience (or at least what they’ve shared online about it), they’re the closest match to my own identity.

I just wish I could talk through the confusion of what I’ve been feeling lately with someone. I’ve chatted briefly with Leti about her graysexual identity, but the thought of talking to her aboutthisdoesn’t sit well with me. It would mean admitting my feelings for another woman, which is an asshole move even if what we’re doing is just harmless, flirty banter.

Then there’s the added layer of us living in the same city. I should be more excited at the prospect of meeting one of my “potential suitors”—as Krystal calls them—in person. If anyone’s a contender for my heart, it should be her, shouldn’t it? Leti, with her sleek black hair, sparkling brown eyes, and dazzling smile. Leti, with her voice like velvet, despite her penchant for cursing out the screen when a playthrough doesn’t go her way. Sweet one moment, borderline terrifying the next.

No doubt there’s something intriguing about her, and maybe if it wasn’t for the Krystal of it all, I would have a clearer head about where we stand. But I don’t even have a clear stance on my identity at this given moment, so I’m hopeless either way.

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