Page 46 of Kiss Me, Maybe

“We should be friends.” She squeezes my hand, interlocking our fingers. “Not the bullshit kind that talk about hanging out but never do. The kind that makes time for each other no matter what else is going on in their lives. It sounds to me like we both could use one.”

“Friends?Really?After we…” I trail off, liking the way her cheeks turn pink a little too much. After delighting in the way she flusters at the memory from earlier tonight, I think over her suggestion. “You know, I thought it was complicated at first, the way the ace community breaks down attraction. Now I’m thinking there are probably a lot more ways the relationships we have with other people can be broken down too. Nothing fits for what we are.”

“Is that why queerplatonic relationships became a thing?” she asks.

“QPRs became a thing because our society doesn’t value strong friendships in place of romantic relationships. But you make a good point. ‘Friend’ feels too small a word for someone you love, even if it’s not romantic love.”

“‘Friend’ also feels too small a word for someone who’s seen you orgasm.” She laughs at the way my mouth pops open. “You’re probably right. It’d be good if the ace community could come up with a couple more categorizations.”

“In that case, Krystal, I think you might be my very best friend.” I laugh. “Just don’t tell Marcela I said that.”

“I won’t.” She takes in a deep breath. “So, we’re friends again.”

“Yeah,” I say over the twinge of disappointment in my chest. “I like that idea. I think we can do that.”

As I stare down at our clasped hands, I wonder if that could really be possible. If my heart will let me be friends with this woman without wanting more than she’s willing to give.

From the porch, I watch her drive off, headlights disappearing down the road with the rest of her, before I go inside to another lonely night.

Twenty

CAPTION:

ACTUALLY, I’M A GRAYSEXUAL LESBIAN?

@ANGELA CLOSED CAPTIONS:There have only been two times in my life, at least that I can recall clearly enough, where I’ve experienced sexual attraction. The first was easy enough to discount because unfortunately, I have not and will never meet Sophia Bush in person. And I mean, yeah, I’ve had other celebrity and fictional crushes before, even on men, but none of them compare to Brooke fucking Davis.

I won’t go into detail about the second time, but it’s safe to say it happened fairly recently and sort of threw me for a loop. After giving myself the time to contemplate and explore this side of myself I never fully realized was there, I have an answer. Because I experience sexual attraction so rarely, I’m actually graysexual rather than ace like I once thought.

All of this is to say, this is your reminder that labels aren’t one-size-fits-all. Identities can be fluid—something that fit you five years ago might not necessarily fit you now, and that’s okay.

COMMENTS:

@Alisha:We’re both discovering things about ourselves at the same time because I realized recently that I’m demisexual!

@LetiIsTrying:Okay, but Sophia Bush is HOT I’d be confused too

@HavanaGirl1015:

“Something happened with Krystal last night.”

Marcela’s desk chair whips around. In a red body-con dress that falls off her shoulders, this is the most gorgeous I’ve ever seen her. Her lipstick and the rose in her hair match the dress. It’s not the most appropriate look for a librarian for teens, but it’s book club tonight and I recognize the signs of Rosalinda fromSinner’s Islewhen I see her.

“Tell me.” She claps her hands. “Tell me tell me tell me—”

“Okay, first off, calm down. All this excitement is making me anxious.”

Truth be told, I’ve been anxious since I came in thismorning. If Erika hadn’t asked me to withdraw the five boxes of library materials as soon as I entered the office, I would’ve bombarded Marcela with this newshoursago. Plus, anytime I’m not working, I’m on my phone texting Krystal. I haven’t logged in to complete a single assignment today, so I’ll probably have loads of schoolwork to catch up on when I get home from work.

What are you up to tonight?

The text had come in after I got through withdrawing two boxes of material. I smiled to myself, thankful that no one could see me through the stacks of books surrounding my desk.

It’s book club tonight at the library. Everyone’s dressing up and there will be plenty of snacks. You should come!

I didn’t think twice about inviting her. We’re friends, right? There isn’t anything weird about asking her to come, no matter how excited the idea makes me.

Is there a theme? I’ve never had to come up with a costume on the fly. Ugh, I’m already stressed out.

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