Page 48 of Kiss Me, Maybe

“It made sense at the time. Plus, I think I understand my boundaries better now when it comes to sex. Things I’m willing to do and things I’m not.” I smirk to myself. “Turns out I’m graysexual, and not opposed to much. At least when it comes to Krystal.”

“Did it go much further than mutual masturbation?” Marcela asks, brows creased like she thinks I’m hiding something from her.

“I touched her ankle,” I divulge. “And there may have been some dirty talk in the form of guided masturbation. I surprised myself with that, let me tell you.”

Who knew my kink was being bossy in the bedroom? Certainly not me, but it makes sense. I like the sense of control it gives me. Sex is still a somewhat overwhelming idea, maybe because it’s something I’ve never experienced. But when the power’s in my hands, it doesn’t feel so nerve-wracking. Quite the opposite, really.

“Not the ankle fetish,” she mutters to herself. “No wonder you like those historical romances so much.”

“Shut up, Marcela.” I laugh. As great as last night was, the way we left it is still burned in my mind. I wouldn’t mind canceling the scavenger hunt if Krystal felt the same way I do. I’d do it in a heartbeat, even if Natalia changed her mind about helping. But she hasn’t, and I’m back to square one regardless of Krystal’s feelings for me.

“Does this change your plans for the scavenger hunt?” Marcela asks, reading my mind somehow.

“I’m not sure,” I answer, still thinking about Krystal. “I’m still being bombarded with comments asking for an update on when it’s happening. Leti would participate for sure, and based on her competitive streak alone, she’d probably win.”

“And then you’d be two librarians in love.” Marcela’s eyes sparkle. “I kinda like the sound of that.”

“I feel like I’m cheating.” I frown into my bag of fries before pulling one out to munch on. “I’m not dating LetiorKrystal and I’m already confused and exhausted.”

“Welcome to the dating pool you created for yourself.” Marcela laughs. “You wanted options, you got options.”

“I take it all back. I should’ve joined an app.” After I demolish my fries, I turn back to her. “How did you know it was rightfor you and Theo to do the casual thing before becoming something more?”

“We couldn’t handle anything more than casual. Not at first. It’s not like we expected to ever want something more with each other.”

“What made you change your mind?”

She thinks over the question as she bites into her burger. “It wasn’t just one thing, you know? My feelings for him changed slowly and so unexpectedly. Even then, I worked overtime to deny what was happening. I didn’t give in until I knew I could trust us to make it work.”

I nod to myself, even though I knew all this already. I was just hoping if I heard it from her a second time, some part of her story would resonate with what I’m going through with Krystal.

“It’s probably different if the person you can’t trust is yourself.” What will it take to change Krystal’s mind? What will it take for her to forgive herself? “When you’ve been made to believe that you’re not a good person. How do you get over something like that?”

“Who told you you’re not a good person?” Marcela’s brows crease as I realize the mistake I’ve made.

“Um…” As much as I’m dying to tell Marcela everything, telling her this much about Krystal feels like a betrayal. “Never mind. I’m just thinking out loud… about nothing in particular.”

She doesn’t look like she believes me, but she lets it go for the moment. “Did Krystal say something about wanting a casual relationship? Is that why you asked me?”

“Yeah.” I nod. “We want different things. No shocker there. Unrequited love never works out in the end, does it?” Except, I’m not convinced it’s as unrequited as I thought. Maybe that’s why I still can’t let this go.

“That sucks.” Marcela’s mouth turns down in a frown. “Did she say why?”

“It’s… it’s not my place to say.” Marcela’s expression doesn’t change. “Seriously, don’t push this. We agreed to just be friends, previous encounter notwithstanding.”

“Friends. Right.” She shakes her head, and dread settles in the pit of my stomach. “Because that always works out exactly how you think it will.”

Twenty-One

CAPTION:

WHO ARE YOU GOING HOME WITH AT THE END OF THE NIGHT?

VIDEO DESCRIPTION:

A clip of Angela in a blue dress and red lip with her hair down that transitions smoothly into a clip of her with hair slicked back and no makeup, wearing an oversized button-down open at the collar.

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