Page 55 of Kiss Me, Maybe

“It’s not about what I think.” She sounds frustrated. “It’s what I know.”

I wish she could see what I see. How her friends and family manipulated the situation, made her out to be the villain for daring to want more than the life she had with Isaac. To want someone who really saw her.

I see you, I wish I could say.Right now, I see you running.

“You’re capable of anything you want,” I say instead. “And you can talk to me, you know. I’m not him. I’m not the friends and family who took his side over yours. I wish you felt like you could talk to me without shutting down.”

“This is hard for me.” She glances down at her hands. “If it helps, I’ve told you more than I’ve told most people.”

Knowing how isolated she is from the people who were supposed to care about her, I believe that. Maybe I’m the only one who gave her a chance to explain her side without judging or making her out to be a villain.

“But you’re still holding back. Because you think if we get any closer, you’ll hurt me like you hurt him.”

“Even if I was capable of love,truelove, the kind of love you deserve from someone better than me”—her eyes burn through me—“I still come with a lot of baggage. We’re in two completely different places. Your first romantic relationship shouldn’t destroy you. I wouldn’t mean to, but I would.”

“I don’t believe that.”

She softens, a sigh deflating her shoulders.

I let out a long sigh too. “You’re right about the scavenger hunt. It does mean a lot to me. But you mean a lot to me too.” I grab her hand. When she doesn’t move away, I intertwine our fingers. Her skin is warm and smooth, and her touch eases something in me the way her words didn’t.

“Life is long, you know,” she says. “Who knows? Maybe a few years down the line, we’ll be ready for each other. You’ll have experienced all your firsts, and I’ll be healed enough to believe in love again.”

“Or someone else will destroy me for the possibility of love, and we’ll be back to square one,” I joke as she gives me a quelling look. “Kidding. Kind of.”

“I’m not ready for you yet,” she says in a whisper I almost don’t catch. “I wish I was, Angela. Believe me. But… I’m not there yet.”

She rests her forehead against mine. We remain like this for a moment, hands touching, breathing each other in, staring at each other. The sky is awash with bursting, brilliant light all around us. And, for a moment, it’s almost enough.

Twenty-Four

DM EXCHANGE:

@LetiIsTrying:I can’t believe we’re finally going to meet in person soon!

@Angela:I can’t believe the new assistant librarian Marcela has been stalking is YOU! Talk about a small world.

@LetiIsTrying:Incredibly small, but I’m not fighting it. It’s like we were meant to meet one way or another

@Angela:It sure seems that way, doesn’t it?

After spending my Sunday morning completing this week’s assignments and getting started on coursework due in the nextfew weeks, I text Marcela asking if she and Theo are free today. The only time I ever hang out with Theo is during book club, and if I’m befriending him, as Krystal suggested I do, that means hanging out with him more than once a month. Julian has the day off from work, so I figure I can cook a friends’ dinner for us all. It’d be nice to fill the house with more than two people at a time. And while I’m on a roll, I text Krystal too.

What are you up to today on your free Sunday?

Nada. Why, what’d you have in mind?

Do you want to come over for dinner? Everyone will be here.

And by everyone you mean…?

Marcela, Theo, and Julian. I’m taking your advice about bringing them into the fold.

You’re not gonna want to miss out. I’m cooking!

… or learning how to cook, at least

Sounds fun, I’m in!

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