Page 61 of Kiss Me, Maybe

It all makes sense now—why she lost so many people when Isaac broke up with her, why she believes so strongly that she’ll only hurt me if we take our relationship any further. I understand Isaac so much more than I want to. Not because he was left at the altar, but because of what he said about Krystal guarding her feelings until her mind was made up. There’s a reason she didn’t tell me the full story. She’s guarding herself from me too.

Twenty-Seven

Dinner is tense, though I’m not sure if the others can feel it the way I can. The way Krystal and Isaac can, too, judging by the way they make a concerted effort to avoid eye contact despite being seated straight across from each other. I’m not being a very good hostess either. I’m still rattled by everything Isaac told me, turning over this new piece of information in my head.

She left him at the altar, and she didn’t tell me.

Marcela picks up the slack, handing out plates of chicken and pasta and asking what everyone wants to drink. Once everyone has their drinks, we lock eyes across the dining room and she mouths,You okay?I’m not sure how much she’s pieced together, but she must sense something wrong. I shake my head, mouth,Later, and take my seat next to Krystal.

She hasn’t said a word to me since her ex arrived with my cousin. I should’ve checked up on her sooner, and I would’ve if Isaac hadn’t thrown that curveball at me. If he hadn’t made me reevaluate everything I thought I knew about this woman.

“So, how do you two know each other?” Esme motions a hand between Krystal and me. The question is innocuous enough, but there’s an edge to my cousin’s tone that wasn’t there when we greeted each other in the foyer. There’s no way she doesn’t know who Krystal is. Isaac had to have filled her in as the table was being set, if not long before they entered thishouse. Esme’s gaze flits to the other woman and stays there, assessing with a calculating eye.

“We met at the bar where she works,” I answer, squeezing Krystal’s knee beneath the table. I try to give her an encouraging look, but her eyes stay trained on her plate. “But we only started hanging out recently.”

“Are you guys seeing each other?” Briana asks on Esme’s other side, seemingly oblivious to the elephant in the room. She’s a bit harder to read, occupied with cutting into the chicken. “You never updated TikTok on the scavenger hunt. Is that over?”

I blink at my cousin for a moment, stunned. “You… you watch my videos?” I could’ve sworn I blocked her and Esme after the group chat fiasco.

“I watch on Diego’s phone when he’s cleaning,” she answers, spearing her fork into a penne.Dammit. I forgot about her husband.“I still can’t believe you blocked me. Was that really necessary?”

“My page is meant to be a safe space.” I sink into my chair, wishing we could drop this conversation. Or that I could suddenly become invisible. One of the two. It was naive of me to believe she wouldn’t bring up the conversation I’ve been avoiding for weeks at the table in front of six other pairs of eyes, but that’s my cousin for you—steamrolling right over anyone in her path. “I didn’t just block you and Esme. I blocked plenty of people from high school and homophobic family members.”

“Esme and I aren’t homophobic,” Briana says before squaring her eyes on our cousin. “Are we, Julian?”

“Leave him out of this,” I say, giving Julian enough time to stuff his face to avoid having to speak. “This isn’t about him. It’s about me.”

“Then why have you been ignoring me?” Briana’s silverware clatters onto her plate with a loud crash. “Because I’m not ‘safe’? Whatever the fuck that’s supposed to mean.”

“You’re the reason sheneedsa safe space to talk about what she’s built her platform on,” Krystal interjects. I blink over at her in surprise. Moments before, I thought she was shutting down on me. That coming face-to-face with Isaac was too much for her. Turns out I was wrong, because she’s all fired up now on my behalf. “God knows you and your sister bullied her enough times for it in high school. Why are you so surprised she doesn’t trust you?”

“Oh, come on. You can hardly call what we did bullying,” Esme retorts. “We only teased her a little bit. It was harmless. She knew we were just joking around.”

“No, I didn’t.” I shake my head. “What was harmless about humiliating mecountlesstimes in front of all my friends and family?” I ask her.Them.Both of them. “Or reducing me to tears I fought to hide until I was alone? Or making me feel like a fucking weirdo just because I didn’t want to kiss anyone I went to high school with?”

“You lied to us—”

“Because Ihadto!” My fist bangs against the surface, rattling the table. “You left me no other choice. All I wanted was for you guys to get off my back. That’s why I lied about having a fling. Not because I thought it’d make you like me more.”

Esme shakes her head, dismissing my outburst with an eye roll that has me seething. “What kind of person makes up a boyfriend?” She looks me up and down likeI’mthe problem. “That doesn’t even make sense.”

“And making fun of her for not having been kissed does?”Krystal’s voice is low, but it thrums with barely contained rage. Her hands form white-knuckled fists beneath the table. “She was a teenager, for god’s sake! Not to mention you giving out her number to every creep she went to high school with. She could’ve been harassed, assaulted, or worse!”

Briana’s face has taken a greenish tinge. She places a hand over her mouth like she’s about to be sick, but Esme remains unaffected, rolling her eyes again.

“Were we really that bad?” Briana’s brows scrunch together. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say she was… concerned. For the first time, I wonder if their memories are different from mine. If they truly never understood how much they hurt me over the years.

“You were worse.” Krystal looks Briana right in the eye as she says it. “Whatever you’re realizing right now, you were so much worse than you think.”

“You never said anything,” Esme says to me, still skeptical. “If we really hurt you that bad, why didn’t you tell us?”

“You wouldn’t have taken me seriously.” I cross my arms over my chest. “You guys never took anything I said back then seriously. Even my parents dismissed me after a while. I only forgave you so many times because they asked me to. Because family isn’t supposed to hate each other the way I used to hate you two. And maybe I was worried if I told you how much all the teasing hurt me, you’d know how much power you had over me, and the whole situation would only get… worse.”

“Is that really what you thought of us? All this time, even after high school and we became friends?” Briana’s eyes are shining with tears I can’t fathom. “Were we reallythatcruel to you?”

Julian clears his throat from the end of the table, mouth no longer full. “I remember hiding out with Angela plenty of times around here when the whole family got together. You guys were more brutal than you think.”

“‘Brutal’ is putting it lightly,” Krystal scoffs, looking Briana dead in the face. “You oughta be ashamed of yourself. Growing up and figuring out who you are is hard enough without your own family tearing you down. You attacked her simply because she was different from you. It wasn’t until you thought she was like you that you started treating her like a human being. Don’t you see how fucked up that is?”

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