Page 63 of Kiss Me, Maybe

“Let me talk to her.” Briana nods her head at her sister before bounding over to her. I don’t have much hope where Esme’s concerned, and her new boyfriend is only half the reason. I should be used to her dismissing my pain. It’s easier for her to believe that I’m the problem. I’m the liar. I’m the one blowing past hurt out of proportion. Anything to exonerate herself. I knew she would be this way. I thought both of them would be, but Briana surprised me.

Krystal is sitting on the couch by herself, arms crossed over her chest. She glances up when I plop down next to her, jaw tense. For the thousandth time tonight, I wonder what’s going through her head. What’s it like for her to see her ex after all this time? In a new relationship, no less. Does she have any regrets?

“Hi.” It’s not the best way to cut the tension, but her shoulders relax nonetheless.

“Hi.” Her smile is tight, leg shaking anxiously next to mine. “Tough day, huh?”

I glance across the room at Briana. Her hands are movingas she and her sister talk beneath their breath. I can’t make out a single thing they’re saying, but Esme’s pinched brow and single shake of her head is enough. Briana may have surprised me today, but her sister won’t.

“How are you?” I ask Krystal, something I should’ve done the second Isaac walked through the door. How could I have been so thoughtless to not check in on her until now? “It couldn’t have been easy seeing Isaac again. Are you okay?”

“I’m fine.” When I give her a look, she shakes her head. “I’m the one who broke his heart, remember? Someone should be asking him that.”

“I’m sure Esme has.” I blow out a breath between my teeth. “How weird is it—your ex dating my cousin?”

“Super weird,” she agrees. “Are you mad at me?” Her voice is so low, I barely hear her. I’ve never seen her like this before, bottom lip trembling, eyes that can barely look me in the face. I haven’t had time to process today’s many revelations. From Krystal’s lie of omission to Briana watching my videos to making up for eleven years’ worth of bottled-up hurt, I’m still not past the whiplash this dinner party’s given me.

Before I can answer her question, a commotion from the front door snaps me out of my thoughts. Esme is cackling at something on her phone screen, and Briana is chastising her in hushed tones. It’s exactly what I expected, despite Briana’s insistence to get her sister to come around. And then there’s Isaac, who looks like he’s been gut-punched, staring across the room at me. No, atKrystal.

But she doesn’t notice him staring at her. She quickly turns from them and asks me if I’m okay. Esme’s laugh echoes off thewalls, bouncing back at me. I get déjà vu to eleven years ago, that same laugh echoing in my ears as she tells Briana the secret I relayed to her in confidence. I can’t hear what she’s saying, but my ears burn just the same. Only this time, I’m not that same helpless girl anymore. I don’t need anyone to stick up for me. I can do that my damn self.

I rise from the couch, hands balled into fists at my sides, but before I can confront her, Esme’s back turns on me as the front door swings open. Once she steps outside, all I can do is watch as Isaac follows close behind her. Briana and I lock eyes, hers as helpless as I refuse to feel.

“Go.” I wave her off. “Don’t worry about it.”

“She’ll come around.”Doubtful, but still, I nod and let her go. “I’ll talk to her again. We’ll work this out.”

“Maybe.” I shrug, try to come off unaffected. When a horn blares outside, Briana scowls at the door. “Seriously, I’ll be fine. I’ve got my people. You can go.”

“I’m texting you when I get home,” she vows, arms tightening around my shoulders. “You better answer this time.”

“I will,” I assure her. “I promise.”

And I actually mean it this time.

After my cousins and Isaac leave, I lead Krystal to the backyard. I feel bad for leaving the pile of dirty dishes untouched when Marcela did all the cooking, but she told me she’d get the guys to clean up. Tonight has to be confusing for her—there’s so much I kept from my best friend. Between my cousinsand Krystal’s ex, I wonder how much she’s been able to piece together. I thanked her with a bear hug and vowed to tell her everything soon before heading back to Krystal.

The back porch is a wasteland compared to the summer barbecues of my childhood. I don’t know how to use the lawnmower, so we’re up to our ankles in grass as we make our way to the garden bench beside a Guadalupe statue.

“What did Isaac tell you?” Krystal’s arms are crossed over her chest as she sinks onto the stone bench beside me.

“More than I would’ve told a perfect stranger.” I shake my head. “I should’ve listened to you, but I thought I could help. That maybe if you guys had some closure, he would forgive you and you’d both be better off.”

“He’s not as bad as I thought if he’s dating again,” Krystal says. “I’d be happy for him if his girlfriend wasn’t such a grade-A bitch to you. Even if he still hates me for everything.”

“I guess that’s something.” I nod. “He said you strung him along. He seemed… angry. I saw the way he looked at you. Even when he wasn’t staring at you, it was like someone punched him in the gut.” He seemed less angry than heartbroken, actually. That man is definitely holding on to some lingering feelings.

“I don’t blame him. I deserve it,” she says. “He’s right. I dragged out our relationship in this needless way because I was so afraid of hurting him. It was easier to say yes to a ring I had no intention of wearing. To say yes to an elopement I had no intention of showing up to and a life I knew in my bones I didn’t want. I told myself I was trying to make our relationship work, when in reality that was the last thing I was doing.” She blows out a breath. “I did the worst thing of all by not doing agoddamn thing, and I hurt him so much worse in the process. If I were him, I’d never forgive me.”

“Is that why you didn’t tell me?” I ask her. “Because you thought I’d look at you the same way everyone else in your life does?”

“Angela, this is the worst thing I’ve ever done in my entire life. Anyone who looks at me like I’m a heartless monster is right to. I could barely admit to myself what I’d done. I didn’t have the words to express how I was feeling, orwhyI was feeling the way I was when it was always clear how much he loved me. It’s only now that I’ve had some distance that I can properly articulate why Isaac was so wrong for me, and what I would do differently if I could go back. But I can’t.” She shakes her head. “It’s too late.”

“Listen, I don’t blame you for the mistakes you made with Isaac,” I assure her. “I know how heavy this burden is for you. If you were truly a monster, you wouldn’t feel any remorse at all. Changing your mind about someone doesn’t make you an evil or malicious person, even if Isaac was the best boyfriend in the world. Even if you didn’t have a good enough reason for changing your mind about him.”

“For the first time, I’m finally starting to believe that.” She’s staring at me in this inexplicable way. In a way that renders me unable to swallow past the lump in my throat. “You don’t think less of me, then?”

“It was a shitty thing to do,” I concede. “I’d think less of you if you hadn’t acknowledged that. But I don’t think less of you, Krystal. I think I’m starting to understand you more.”

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