Page 9 of Kiss Me, Maybe

“Probably. Especially since Theo’s school is getting a new assistant librarian, and I heard she’s our age.”

“Really?” I rub my chin in thought.

She nods. “I already sent her an email and followed her on Instagram. That’s not creepy, is it?”

“A little try-hard, maybe.” Her face morphs into panic. “But if we’re lucky, she’ll be as desperate for new friends as we are.”

“If it wasn’t for your little inconvenient crush, we could bring Krystal into the fold. I’ve almost invited her to brunch three times.”

“What?When?” I ask. “Have you been going to the bar without me?”

“No.” She shrinks beneath my accusing gaze. “We just message back and forth on Instagram.”

The gasp I let loose is rife with betrayal.

“It’s nothing! We just reply to each other’s stories every once in a while.”

“You follow each other?” My voice is so quiet, I barely hear it myself. “AndDM each other?”

“I mean…”

“Where else do you follow each other, huh?” I cross my arms over my chest. “Do you send each other funny videos on TikTok too?”

“Angela, why are you so upset?”

A bone-deep sigh sinks my shoulders. From the outside, my life doesn’t look any different, butI’mdifferent. I’m out. I’m not living the lie I once was for so long. But am I any closer to the life I want for myself? Is my mom right—should I be tryingharder to find someone so I don’t end up alone?

“My mom is right. I’m going to be alone forever.”

“No, you’re not.” She takes a seat next to me as I plop onto the couch. “Why the hell would she say that to you?”

“She didn’t. Not in those exact words, anyway. Maybe it’s all in my head, but sometimes it just feels like my parents are pushing me into something I’m not ready for.” Though maybe it feels more like something I’ll never have than anything else. It’s been twenty-seven years and nada, after all.

“So what if you’re not ready for what your parents want?” Marcela says. “In all the time I’ve known you, you’ve never done something unless it’s what you wanted to do.”

I shouldn’t be surprised that’s how she sees me. I haven’t shown her, or anyone for that matter, the truth, have I?

“That’s not exactly true,” I say. “I waited twenty-seven years before coming out, Marcela. Maybe part of it was not knowing what identity fit me perfectly, but that doesn’t mean I haven’t been lying to everyone, including myself, foryears.”

“Oh,” Marcela says, looking surprised. “You never told me you felt that way.”

“Yeah, well. It was hard enough admitting as much to myself, let alone my best friend. You’re the one person who’s supposed to know me best, but how can you when for so longIdidn’t even know who I am?” I pull in a shaky breath. “I’ve wasted so much time pretending to be someone I’m not. The amount of catching up I have to do feels insurmountable sometimes.”

“Angela, no one knows better than I do about wasted time,” she reminds me. “Does ten years pining over a completedouchebag ring a bell?”

“Right.” I return her smirk. “I guess we do have that in common, huh?”

“When it comes to experiencing romance, sex, or even your first real relationship, there isn’t a right or wrong timeline to follow. It’s okay to take your time until you figure out what you want.”

“I’ve taken more than enough time, Marcela. I’ve had literallynothingbut time, and you know what? I’m over it. I’m ready for the next step.”

“What’s the next step, then? What do you want?”

If anyone could pull that kind of thing off, it’s you.

I can’t get Krystal’s voice out of my head, or the idea I pulled out of thin air after two and a half drinks. She’s right about one thing. There’s a reason I put myself out there, and I think it’s because I’m finally ready todosomething. I want to be kissed. I want to experience all the romance I’ve carefully curtailed for years. I’m ready forsomething.

“I want…” I trail off, knowing Marcela is hanging on every word. That she’ll help me in any way she can, and I plan on cashing out the first chance she’ll allow. My smile must be as devilish as my thoughts, because her sympathetic expression is steadily ebbing to one of exasperated weariness. “To finally get some firsts out of the way.”

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