Page 38 of Chilled and Thrilled

“I do want it. I want it so bad, Bram.” Sophie’s voice cracks, and I can tell by the way her pussy is gripping me, that she’s close.

My pulse thuds unevenly, echoing in my ears as I gaze down into her wide eyes, shining and dark in the lamplight. Something is happening to us, something is changing, and instinctively, I know. Sophie is giving up the fight.

“Tell me,” I choke, pushing her leg higher, fucking her deeper as her pussy gets wetter and her inner walls tighten on my cock. My girl rocks against me, her moans turning to sobs of pleasure as I work her closer, desperate to make her come. “Tell me,” I plead again, my voice rough with emotion and the unbelievable sensations her body is giving mine.

“I love you.”

My orgasm comes out of nowhere, barreling through me in a storm as intense as the one raging outside. I’m so far gone that I’m barely conscious of Sophie writhing beneath me, her cries joining mine as she follows me over the edge. Her inner walls grip my dick as tight as my fist, keeping me locked in, spilling my seed in the deepest part of her as lights burst behind my eyelids and my whole body shakes.

It’s a primal claim, one that makes the monster inside me roar with approval when I’m able to lift my head from my shoulder, staring down into Sophie’s dazed expression. My throat clogs with emotion as I release my hold on her, instead wiping away the tears that have tracked down the sides of her face, the ones I didn’t notice until this moment.

“I love you too.”

She doesn’t ask me if I’m sure. Instead, she kisses me, andmy chest feels like it could burst. These feelings are too big, too overwhelming, and I’m ready for them.

Parting from her is the last thing I want to do, but Sophie yawns, and with a low groan, I pull out. She turns into my arms as I pull the covers over us and reach past her to turn off the lamp, plunging the room into darkness.

“You can’t take it back in the morning,” I tell her as she rests her head on the pillow beside mine.

With a lazy hum, Sophie reaches from beneath the covers to take my hand. “You’d never let me get away with it,” she murmurs, yawning again, and though I can’t see her face, I can tell she’s smiling.

My eyes are itchy with exhaustion, but I force myself to stay awake, drawing my fingers up and down Sophie’s spine as her breathing becomes slow and deep.

Sometime tonight, as we cuddled by the fire, playing board games, talking, and laughing, I had an idea. Sophie narrowly avoiding being hit by a car in the middle of an epic snowstorm has been responsible for so much of the progress in our relationship. We’ve been circling each other for months, never on the same page, never trusting the feelings that were growing stronger anyway.

Now, I want to give her a memory of me bending over backward to show her exactly how much she means to me. So, careful not to jostle Sophie as quiet snores begin to fill the bedroom, I slip out of bed.

15

SOPHIE

Six years of solitary Christmases and, before that, eighteen years of shitty ones, have taught me not to expect much from the holiday.

Families in matching pj’s, gathered around a sparkling tree, a fire crackling merrily as kids tear into mounds of gifts wrapped in red paper felt more like an urban legend than something I could ever have for myself. Maybe that’s another reason why I never told Honor, or Bram, or anyone else, that I didn’t have anywhere to go on December twenty-fifth.

I didn’t want Honor to feel obligated to include me, sure, but it was more than that. If I found out all those happy, wonderful things really existed, it would make my inevitable return to solitude even more painful. I didn’t want borrowed time with somebody else’s family; I wanted mine. Not the people I was born to—who love the Bible more than they love their child—but my people.

How did I not see that if I never let anyone in, I would never have that?

The last few days with Bram have been more intense and life-changing than any other period of my life. I’ve beenpulled in a dozen different directions, torn between guilt and happiness, fear and hope, shame and gratitude. I’m not sure what to expect today, but as I lay curled on my side in Bram’s bed, my eyes closed as the last haziness of sleep fades away, it occurs to me that something has changed.

For the first time in my life, I’m happy it’s Christmas.

Not because there will be a mountain of gifts waiting for me, or even a tree, but because I have a person. Somebody cares where I am and would be hurt if I didn’t turn up to the celebration. Somebody who loves me.

Holy shit. Bram Vogel loves me.

Overnight, all the sharp edges of my emotions seem to have settled. Things aren’t resolved, not by a long shot, and I’m not magically absolved of all guilt for feeling the way I do about my best friend’s father.

I love him, though. I’m all in on Honor’s dad; the wonderful, slightly extra, brilliant man who sees exactly who I am, and wants me not despite it, but for it. Everything I’ve wanted, but never dared hope for, has happened.

All I want today is to cuddle with Bram on the couch and watch Christmas movies, make cookies, drink hot chocolate, have great sex, and savor this brand-new sense of rightness. When the roads are clear tomorrow, this pause from real life will be over. It will be time to face the music, and deal with the less pleasant results of my new relationship.

So, as I allow my eyes to open and gaze over at the mattress beside me, my heart sinks a little when I find it empty.

Sitting up, I crane my neck to peer through the doorway into the bathroom, which is dark and appears to be just as unoccupied as the bedroom.

I’m officially a little bummed, but then again, I told Bram I didn’t want to make a big deal of the holiday. Maybe he’s just trying to respect my wishes, because he’s awesome andrespectful like that, and is downstairs working on his laptop or something. Even so, it’s hard to shake off the slightly sour mood waking up alone has put me in, and I take my time washing my face and getting dressed in more borrowed clothes before heading downstairs in search of Bram.

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