Page 17 of Charmed and Alarmed

For a young adult with my background, owning my own business felt like a far-fetched dream, but Bram made me believe. Then, even when we made it happen, it still took time to wrap my head around it.

Today, as I stand on the cracked asphalt of the abandoned parking lot behind E&V, I’m struck by that surreal sense of wonder all over again.

To some, it might not be much to look at. Weeds are poking up around our feet, and a rusted chain-link fence surrounds the whole area. A long-abandoned car is parked nearby, wheels flat, and the rusted body covered in graffiti.

It won’t look like this for long, though. If everything goes to plan, this time next year, construction crews will be standing where we are now, doubling the size of the dream I once thought was too big for someone like me.

“It’s one hell of an expansion,” Bram muses, kicking at a bit of stone as he surveys the land around us, a file folder containing the closing paperwork for our new undertaking clutched in his hand.

“We’re ready for it,” I assure him, my chest full to bursting with pride.

My partner sighs, his expression a little apologetic as he turns to look at me directly. “I might not be as involved this time around. If that’s an issue, we can push this off a few years.”

I blink in surprise. “Why?”

He smiles slightly. “Soph wants babies. I’d like to be present for her, and for them.”

I probably should have seen this coming. The way Bram looks at his girlfriend doesn’t exactly speak to theirs being a casual or temporary relationship. Months ago, when I was making it a point to flirt with Sophie for the enjoyment of raising Bram’s blood pressure, I’d known it was something more, and I sure as hell know it now after witnessing their relationship bloom over donuts in the break room. Once upon a time, I couldn’t relate. Now…

“Good for you.” I force myself to smile. “Don’t worry about the expansion. I can pick up the slack.”

“You’re sure?” he asks, tapping the folder against his leg, eyeing me warily. “It’s a big ask.”

He’s right, it is, but it also means a hell of a lot that he’d trust me with it. I’ll just need to learn how to dismiss the hot ball of guilt that drops into my gut at the memory of what happened yesterday and why my old friend’s confidence might be misplaced.

It’s been a long time since I had anyone care about my emotional well-being, and even longer since I was honest with someone about it. Being the fun, easygoing friend, here for a good time and gone when shit gets real… that’s the role I’ve been relegated to in all my interpersonal relationships for far longer than I realized, and it’s no one’s fault but my own.

Until yesterday, when Leni was worried about my fucking feelings, and I was so taken off guard by how good that felt, I lost whatever grip I had on my self-control.

Her skirt shoved up around her waist, the creamy skin of her ass marked by my hand, and the wet spot on that narrow strip of white material covering her pussy…

I clear my throat, struggling to dismiss the memory. “It’s not a problem. You’d do the same for me.” Not that he’ll ever need to, considering the measures I took to ensure children were off the table. Bram knows well enough my feelings about having a family, but he nods anyway, looking grateful as the two of us start back toward the chain-link gate.

Considering what happened yesterday in my office, I was grateful to have a meeting with our attorneys first thing this morning. Anything to postpone coming face-to-face with Leni seemed ideal to me after a night spent tossing and turning, torn between feeling ecstatic and guilty.

Now that I’ve crossed that line, how the fuck am I supposed to go back to my lackluster attempts to get her out of my life?

Previously, I thought she wasn’t interested. Now, I’m confident that isn’t the case, but also sure that I’m in this a lot deeper than she is. What Leni must see as a fun, carefree fling with a man well known for enjoying that sort of thing, I see as something else entirely. It’s pointless to lie to myself or to pretend any other woman has gotten under my skin the way she has.

Somehow, I’ve found myself every bit as pathetically besotted as Bram, but there’s a key difference in our situations.

Sophie felt the same way.

Leni doesn’t.

I can tell Bram has noticed I’m quieter than usual, but I still don’t attempt to fill the silence as we walk, side by side, through the alley bordering E&V and around the corner to the front doors. It’s only when we’re preparing to part ways at the top of the stairs in the familiar, marble lobby that Bram finally speaks.

“Holden.” I pause, looking over at him, and my stomach twists with guilt as he stares back at me, grave-faced and serious. “Thank you. Really, I’m grateful. It means a lot to me, and I know it will to Sophie as well.”

I’m a piece of shit.

Arranging my expression into something close to an obliging, understanding smile, I nod. “Don’t mention it.” And, before Bram can thank me for something else I don’t deserve, I turn toward my wing of the building.

Leni is standing behind her desk when I enter the office, brow furrowed and lips pursed in annoyance as she works to untangle a multicolored ball of power cords. I’m thankful that today, she’s forgone the pencil skirt, but the structured gray dress isn’t any less affecting.

Her sparkly cane, which I’ve noticed she’s been leaving at home more often now, is nowhere to be seen.

I don’t bother trying to look anywhere else as I move further into the room, and my pulse thuds unevenly as Leni looks up, her eyes meeting mine from twenty yards away.

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