Page 27 of Charmed and Alarmed

It’s really not all that surprising when, fifteen minutes later, I’m stepping out of the shower with a freshly spanked ass and a smile that’s so big it makes my cheeks ache.

11

HOLDEN

The situation has escalated.

I’m not sure what I was thinking, going there on Friday. Trying to retrace the decision-making process that led me to following Lenora Vogel back to her apartment and fucking her virginity away, is damn near impossible. In retrospect, there wasn’t any logic or thought processes to speak of. The moment I heard that little fuck asking her to drinks, some primal, possessive animal took control of my faculties, and its only mission was to lay claim to Leni by any means necessary.

Apparently, this required me staying there for an entire weekend. Every time we fucked, it was somehow better than the last, and it wasn’t until I stumbled, disoriented and horny, out onto the street on Sunday night, that reality finally set in.I fucked up. I really, really fucked up.

The fixation I had on the womanbeforecould just about be reasoned away. Now, I… Jesus, the last few days with Len felt as though I was meeting her for the first time. Even after knowing her for far longer than I’d like—because god knows this entire situation would be a hell of a lot easier if we’d met now—we certainly never spent time together like that. The sex was alarmingly excellent, but that wasn’t the end of it.

I like her.

I like everything about her a whole goddamn lot.

I like the way she makes me feel as if someone is looking out for me.

I like the feeling of triumph I get when the darkness vanishes from her eyes, giving way to something bright and warm.

I like being good for her.

It might seem counterintuitive; after all, I am twice her age, and our history is strange, to say the least. None of that speaks to the beginnings of a healthy relationship. Even so. There’s no denying the fact that a few weeks ago, Lenora Vogel was a shadow of the woman I left at the door of her sister’s apartment with a fierce kiss and a promise to take her home with me after work on Monday.

Have I ever made anyone happy before? Not just a fleeting, passing buoyancy—followed almost immediately by the sting of rejection or anger—but actual happiness.

It’s a depressing question to ask myself, but not as depressing as the answer. Or, itwasthe answer before Leni stepped back into my life. I’m not interested in being her savior or boosting my own ego by doing right by her. If I wanted that, I wouldn’t be fucking her. No, I just want to keep making her happy.

Yeah, no question about it.I really fucked up.I’m in way too deep, so deep that I don’t want to come up for air.

This isn’t just sex.

I know whatjust sexlooks like, and what I’m doing with Leni doesn’t resemble it in any way, shape, or form. Last night, I sat in the car outside my dark, empty house for almost an hour, warring with my impulse to turn around and drive straight back to her apartment.

Decades of shoving away romantic feelings, of being content and happy on my own, have done nothing to prepare me for Leni. She slipped under my defenses while I was busy believing I could never feel that way about her, and now I have no idea how to get free.

I’m falling for her.

If I wasn’t before this weekend, I sealed my own fate the moment I crawled over her naked body and pushed my way inside, connecting with her in a way no one has before.

It wasn’t just firsts for her, either. The last few nights are the only time I’ve slept beside a woman and didn’t sneak out in the morning. It was the first time there was emotion behind the physical act of sex, and I still can barely wrap my head around how fucking hot it was.

I spend Sunday night tossing and turning, torn between excitement and dread for what the morning will bring. My mind is on her as I shower and dress for work, turning over the impossible situation in the way I often do when I have a particularly challenging problem at work, looking at it from every possible angle.

Could I get her to love me?If I went for it and, miraculously, succeeded… that would be it. I couldn’t change my mind or end it if I got bored. Loving Lenora Vogel would be the kind of commitment that would require me to grow, to change, and after forty years of being alone, I have no idea if I’m capable of that.

I’m on autopilot for my drive to the office. When I arrive, and the sound of my car door slamming is echoing off the ceiling of the parking garage, I’m jerked from my preoccupation by the very last person I want to see right now.

“Hey,” calls Bram casually as he opens the trunk of his car to remove several boxes of oldArchitectural Visionmagazines.

There’s no reason for me to be on edge right now. The man has no way of knowing I spent the better part of the weekend balls deep in his daughter, or that she’s been all I can think about for far longer. Everything isnormal. Everything isfine.

“Morning.” I take one of the boxes for him, and the two of us turn, walking side by side toward the exit of the parking garage. “Where is your better half?”

Bram chuckles. “Taking the day off to look at wedding venues with Honor.”

“You weren’t invited? I thought it was customary for the man paying to have some say.”

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