Page 29 of Standing In The Sun

“A black king,” Luna laughed, still trying to rock Kamari to sleep.

But even through the teasing and the warmth of family, the weight of Big Lunar’s absence settled over them like a second skin. They had never forgotten him-- not really. But time had tucked him into the background, a memory that only surfaced in passing. Now he was everywhere. His voice played in old videos, his face stared back at them through old pictures, his love lingered in every story told.

The thing about dreams was that they never really ended. Maybe they had forgotten that.

The worst kind of forgetting isn’t losing memories or forgetting to dream, it’s losing the dreams that once made you reach for more—the ones that took you to the moon and beyond the stars.

Like hounds that could smell food once it was done, all the men cam barging into the kitchen with red eyes from crying and smoking. Their hunger kicked in, stomachs growling since no one had eaten much of anything since being there.

Javen tapped Luna’s thigh, silently telling her to get up so he could sit, with her on his lap instead. The movement jolted Kamari from falling asleep he had been fighting. “Man, where his daddy at?” Javen joked, knowing exactly how Tiny would react.

As expected, she sassed, “That’s what I asked his triflin’ ass granny when she pawned his fat ass off on us.”

“For real, where is Lunar though?” Maverick asked, voice edged with quiet concern.

“Right here,” Lunar’s voice came from around the corner, low and rough. He stood there in nothing but sweatpants, dark circles under his eyes, his face drawn and distant. He barely looked like himself.

The charming and charismatic young man he once was, seemed to have vanished in thin air.

Kamari reached for him immediately, already recognizing his voice.

“Give ‘em here.”

The baby settled the second he was in Lunar’s arms, making Luna suck her teeth in irritation. Lunar barely reacted. Without another word, he turned and padded back down the hall, disappearing into the master suite with everyone else trading silent eye contact. They said so much without saying a word. Lunar was experiencing the ugliest part of love—grief.

Inside, the room was dimly lit, filled with the quiet hum of breathing and light laughter. Aku was curled up under the blankets, her head resting in Pimp’s lap. They’d been here with him, keeping him company without forcing words he wasn’t ready to say. When the tears had slipped down his face, they didn’t acknowledge them. When he laughed—really laughed—at the thought of Big Lunar joining the army, they let him.

It was all part of the process. You couldn’t avoid grief, couldn’t sidestep the pain. You had to gothroughthat shit…feelthat shit. It was a blessing to love someone so much that it hurt.

Noodle and Bu had been in here too, but hunger led them to the kitchen. It was only a matter of time before they wandered back in like the lovesick couple they were.

Aku groaned when she saw him walk in with Kamari. “Don’t come in here with all that crying shit, Kamari,” she grumbled.

At only seven months, he understood none of her words but all of her tone. Still, she talked to him like he was grown.

“Not too much on my boy,” Pimp chuckled, holding out his arms.

Lunar passed Kamari off without a word, moving like he was on autopilot. He dropped onto the loveseat in the sitting area of the massive suite, the space he claimed since being back. The house was his now.

And it should have felt like home.

But right now, nothing did.

Kamari gurgled, his tiny fingers wrapping around Pimp’s chain, yanking at it. Pimp winced but let him have it, too tired to fight.

Aku smirked, snuggling deeper into the covers. “Big bad Pimp getting punked by a baby,” she teased.

Pimp scoffed. “Shut yo’ ass up.”

Lunar barely registered their banter. His gaze wandered the room aimlessly not focusing on anything, his thoughts spinning too fast to catch. He should’ve been in there, laughing with them, eating, and reminiscing. But all he could do was sit here and feel.

Feel the loss.

Feel the weight of his name.

Feel like Kamari’s tiny body against his chest was the only thing grounding him to the earth.

And then there was Kamari…a baby he barely knew, yet something deep in his gut told him he was supposed to protect him, to guide him.

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