Page 75 of Standing In The Sun

Ahvi shook her head slowly, her voice thickening slightly. “Because…I didn’t earn it. It just appeared, and now suddenly it’s mine – it’s ours. It’s like I blinked and lost control. Like I went from surviving every day to having this easy life that I’m afraid I don’t deserve.”

Butta’s expression softened. “Maybe it’s time to stop fighting and let yourself have good things. You’ve been fighting long enough.”

Ahvi let those words sink in slowly, her heartbeat quieting for the first time in months. “Maybe you’re right,” she admitted gently, “but what if I lose it again?”

Butta moved closer, placing her hand on Ahvi’s shoulder. “Then you fight like hell. like you always do. But until then, let yourself be happy…let yourself feel safe…let yourself be home.”

Ahvi nodded slowly, eyes burning softly with unshed tears. She leaned her head against Butta’s shoulder, finally letting herself feel the warmth of that simple, complicated word.

Home.

For once, she allowed herself to believe it was possible, to believe she might actually deserve it.

They sat in silence just watching Kamari find something else to get into. Then they heard yelling.

“Mama’s card games always end in a fight,” Butta laughed.

Ahvi sat up. “That sounds like Dro.”

“Dro?”

“And Lunar.” Ahvi jumped up, grabbing Kamari as she rushed through the small house and through the front door.

Dro was only a few feet away from Lunar. “Nigga, you ain’t shit to me… Ahvi might be blinded by your money but I’m a man, nigga.”

“A man?” Lunar scoffed. “Nigga don’t make me laugh…a man takes care of his family.”

“Ahvi ain’t my bitch.” It was Dro’s turn to laugh. “That what this shit about?”

“Dro, gon’ on with all that,” Sheena fussed.

Ahvi rushed down the worn steps. “Dro, what are you doing?”

“Coming to see my fuckin’ son… the fuck it look like? But your nigga act like he need to talk to me…fuck he need to talk to me about when I put that baby on you?”

Dro was shirtless like always. His skin shined with sweat, probably from hugging the block all day in the sun. His jeans looked worn and hung slightly off his waist. His hair needed some maintenance but even still, he was cute. Not cute in a way that she’d ever want him back, but cute in the way that if Kamari grew up to look like him, he’d get the girls.

“Dro—”

Lunar cut her off with one word, “Ahvi.”

Her mouth snapped shut.

Dro laughed again. “Damn, how you do that? How you get my baby mama to list?—”

Lunar threw a blow that knocked Dro off his feet. He landed on his back.

“Your mouth, my boy…all that should be coming out of it is - thank you.” Lunar stood over him as others started to crowd around. “You should be thanking me for picking up your slack and not thinking less of you. You should be thanking me for holding your family down which if you a man like you say, you should’ve been doing it.”

“The fuck, nigga? She ain’t my bitch so why would I be holding her down?” Dro still didn’t get it.

Lunar was taught by men. Men that would go to the ends of the earth to make sure their family was good even if the relationship didn’t work out.

“I know she ain’t yours cause she mine. And don’t worry, I won’t keep your son from you ‘cause I ain’t threatened by your presence like you think, nigga.” Lunar stood straight. “Ahvi let this nigga see our son so we can go. And when you want to see him again, get my number from Sheena.”

seventeen

Ahvi draggedher feet up the courthouse steps, cussing herself out the whole way. She didn’t even have a real excuse. Forty days since her release and she hadn’t applied to a single job. She’d been so caught up in Lunar’s life - his voice, his smile, his whole damn orbit, she never made the time…simple as that.

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