Page 95 of Standing In The Sun

Butta’s eyes bucked, but she would stand firm on what she said and felt. Ahvi was right, they didn’t come from a world where a mistake like this didn’t slow down your motion. Licking her lips after wiping her hand across her face, she looked Monday in the face. “I went seventeen years never knowing you, I believe I’ll be fine.”

That was a dagger to everyone’s gut. It was harsh and cold but rested in her truth. Butta wanted to get out of Jade City—wanted to play basketball professionally, so if she never saw Monday again, then that was something she’d have to talk to God about when that time came.

Lunar stepped forward, his jaw clenched, voice breaking through the heat. He wasn’t done. He had more to say. “You don’t trust nobody, not even me. You been bracing for the fallout since the minute you let me touch you - just waiting on the proof that I ain’t shit like all the rest.”

“You don’t know what the fuck I been through!” she yelled, stepping into his face, her voice cracking from rage and pain all tangled together. “You think Iwantto live like this? Looking over my shoulder every time I feel happy?”

“Then stop,” he snapped, chest heaving. “Let yourself have something good for once.”

“I can’t!” she screamed. “I can’t, Lunar! Because the minute I let my guard down, the real world reminds me who the fuck I am, reminds me that girls like me don’t get fairy tales. We survive – that’s it…that’s theonlything I know how to do.”

His eyes softened, then narrowed again. “So, you punish me for what your daddy did? For what Dro didn’t do?”

“No,” she hissed, shaking her head. “I protect myself because if I don’t, who the fuck will? That’s what my daddy taught me and he might not be perfect or prolific like yours but he did right by me.”

Lunar’s hands fell to his sides. His voice dropped, hoarse. “So what? You just gon’ take Kamari and bounce?”

The question landed like a punch.

Ahvi blinked, confused. “What are you talking about?”

“You think I don’t know what this is?” he whispered. “You leave…you leave with him. I never see y’all again.”

His heart ached so bad already imagining not seeing Kamari grow up. There was so much in that little boy that brought him life—Kamari gave him something to wake up for. He loved Ahvi and would be heartbroken without her but Kamari’s absence would cripple him so bad, he’d really hate the sun forever.

Her lips parted, but no words came out as her eyes darted around the room. Emotions were so high, she could see the vibrations slicing through the air.

Lunar stepped back, dragging a hand over his face. “You think he ain’t mine just ’cause I didn’t help make him?” Tears welled in his eyes before he could stop them. “That little boy…that baby saved my life, Ahvi. You don’t even know. I was fucked up before y’all. I didn’t give a fuck about living…was waking up every day not knowing what I was grinding for. Then y’all came in, loud as hell, with all this fire and chaos andneed, and it gave me something to hold on to.”

Ahvi stared at him, wide-eyed.

“You know the first time he called me Dada?” His voice cracked, revealing the secret him and Kamari had been holding from her since she was so excited about him saying mama. “I ain’t even know what to say. I just held him and cried like a bitch, like somebody cracked my chest open and poured light in it.”

He looked away, blinking fast. “So yea, maybe he don’t have my DNA, but that’smyson, that’s my family…and you—you—you’re the first person I’ve ever actually wanted to stay around for. Now you’re standing here telling me I gotta watch y’all walk away because you too scared to let yourself be loved?”

Ahvi’s chin trembled. Her shoulders shook. “I’m not trying to take him from you,” she finally whispered. “I wouldneverdo that.”

The thought hadn’t crossed her mind because she never thought Lunar would want to stay even if she didn’t want him too. But now, her heart ached so bad knowing Lunar wouldn’t turn his back on her son when access to her was denied. Still, she was too scared to change it.

Lunar exhaled, hands on his head, like the breath had just been yanked from his lungs.

“But I gotta protect myself,” she said, her voice much lower this time. “You keep saying I’m waiting to run, but you don’t understand what it’s like tohaveto.” Her voice grew stronger, her eyes hardening again. “Me and Butta didn’t get to grow up soft, Lunar. We didn’t get safety nets. We were taught to make it work, even when everything was working against us. Ain’t nobody coming to save us, so when I see her spiraling? When I see her future slipping? I panic because we don’t have theluxuryof making stupid mistakes.”

Ahvi was using Butta as her scapegoat whensistershould’ve been replaced withIandButtareplaced withAhvi.

Her voice shook with truth, with fury. “You think I overreacted? You think I’m controlling? I’m terrified, Lunar! I’m terrified because I’ve been the girl who had no one to catch her. And I’m watching my little sister about to fall the same way.”

“I get that,” he said, barely a whisper.

“No, you don’t,” she shot back. “You don’t live in my world. You got the freedom to make music and mess up and find yourself. But me? I been on survival mode since I came out my Mama I don’t know how to turn it off.”

Their breathing filled the space between them, ragged and heavy.

Ahvi looked at him, eyes full of pain. “You didn’t tell me your brother was here. You made decisions without me – that’s not partnership, Lunar. That’s just another man doing what he wants and expecting me to adjust.”

His lips parted like he wanted to fight back, but there was nothing left to fight with.

So, he just nodded…defeated.

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