Page 19 of Challenging Her Protector

She quickly masked her frown at Iron’s comment. Maybe it was said as a joke, but there was an undertone of self-depreciation, like he was going to fall short of her expectations. Something she was constantly worried about doing herself. The other morning when she almost had a panic attack over leaving the hotel bathroom makeup free with wet hair and casual clothes, Iron told her she needed no one’s approval but her own. That in time, she’d recognize her worth and not feel as though she needed everyone’s approval. Maybe he was concerned she’d think he was a poor host because despite everything, he still expected her to want all the luxury she’d been raised in. Thought she was a self-absorbed snob.

Silver’s arms coming around her broke her thoughts. She hugged him back tightly, the way she might a brother if she ever had one. Being close to Silver was nothing like being near Iron when her body responded by simply buzzing. Everything was heightened when he was close—her heartbeat, the breath entering and leaving her lungs, even the air around her seemed to fizz and bubble like Champagne. Despite all the affirming words and advice, the men had shared on the road trip, they were becoming hard to recall as Silver descended the steps and crossed the short distance to his SUV. She wasn’t nervous about being alone with Iron. She was worried about being in his home and not knowing his rules or expectations. Of him believing she needed something more than he could share.

“Come on in.” Iron stood back so she could enter. “Make yourself at home.”

She paused next to him. “I’m not sure I know how to do that. Or how to act right now. What you expect of me while I’m here?”

His frown deepened. “There’s nothing I expect of you. You don’t need to act, dress, or do anything to make me pleased that you decided to stay here.” He started to open his mouth, then shut it. “Come on. I’ll show you around.” He gestured down the entryway. She wanted to know what he’d planned to say and then thought better of it. The home opened to the kitchen and flowed into a living room. She stepped toward a breakfast nook in a recessed area of the kitchen. A built-in bench lined the wall in a horseshoe shape framing a round table in the center. “I love this. It feels like the kitchen is right on top of the ocean.” She supposed it was. Wide bay windows offered unobstructed views of the sandy dunes leading to the sea. Off to the left, there was an ancient cedar pergola. One of the legs of the structure had suffered a blow at some point, leaving it splintered and pitching toward the ocean. Thick ivy wrapped around the structure, choking the frame. Despite the labyrinth of vines and scarred wood, the gazebo was oddly beautiful. It felt almost familiar. “I could sit here for hours.”

“Sometimes I do.”

She followed him into the living room and like the kitchen, the space was tidy, but sparse. There were no pictures or decorations. No blanket on the back of the couch or decorative pillows. The space was a testament to how far-removed Iron had made him himself from his friends and family. Another way he punished himself. He’d told her he couldn’t live with the pain of his friend dying, but he also didn’t want to live without it either. She would do anything to help him with that guilt and self-reproach. To see him smile and lose himself in laughter over something silly.

“You mean what you said earlier, don’t you?”

“About what?” His brow furrowed as he angled his chin down to meet her gaze.

“Having no expectations.” She could feel her cheeks heating, but the concept was so foreign, she couldn’t stop herself from asking.

“Yeah, I do.” His expression softened. “If you want to wear shoes in the house, fine. If you want to stand up at the counter eating dinner or lock up tight in your room, you can do that too. This isn’t a showplace. Far from it. Put your feet on the coffee table in the living room, take a walk down the beach and track sand back in, doesn’t matter. We’re not in a heavily populated area here, but I’ll set the alarm at night, and no one will get near without us knowing about it. My only goal is to keep you as safe as I can. That includes giving you the numbers to all my contacts. If you need anything at all, you can reach out to any one of them. If something makes you uncomfortable, hell, if I do something to make you uncomfortable, I expect you to call them. The spare room is this way.”

Vee followed Iron through the living room, past a deep couch that looked like you could actually sit on it opposed to the pristine white furniture in her family’s estate. There were three doors down another hallway. One was a simple bathroom with a soaking tub and shower. He paused in front of the next door. “I know this isn’t the type of place you’re used to, Vee. It’s minimalist at best.”

She searched his face, trying to decide if he was insulting himself or her. “Who was it that told me I didn’t need anyone’s approval but my own?” She’d stopped next to him by the threshold of the door. It suddenly struck her just how alone they were, and instead of the fear she often felt with Scott, something warm unfurled in her belly and spread through her. The urge to step into his space, to be closer was nearly magnetic. Her fingers ached to touch the soft material of his T-shirt. To breath in his fresh, spearmint scent.

“For some reason, I seem to need yours.” The low rumble of his voice and the flicker of heat in his eyes made her nipples tighten beneath her shirt.

“You have it and then some.” Before she recognized what she was doing, she gripped his forearm. “Shiny, new, expensive. Those things don’t equal what I want out of life.”

He glanced down at her hand against his skin. “What is it you want?”

The wordyoupopped in her head. She could admit her body reacted to him in a way she couldn’t control. She’d never met a man more rugged from his wide shoulders and chest to strong arms that could scoop her up with ease. Large, rough hands that were incredibly tender when he touched her. A voice that sounded like distant thunder and eyes that calmed the storms swirling within her. Maybe she was being irrational. She wasn’t the type of woman to run from one man to the next. Not that she could really call what she had with Scott a relationship. It was contrived from the start by two powerful families. She knew now that her feelings for him weren’t love, but did she even know what that felt like? Had she ever been loved without an expectation? Maybe by Hannah. “Something real. Something that’s just mine.”

The anticipation mounted with each second they stood there. Her pulse began to pound when his eyes dropped to her mouth, but just as quickly, he took a step back and pushed open the door to the guest room. She shoved away the pang of disappointment. Iron hadn’t asked her here because he was attracted to her. He was trying to be her friend. She walked inside, breathed in the scent of whatever laundry detergent he used, and felt one thing. Security. That was what she needed right now, and she had a feeling Iron could use a friend just as much as she did. Here there were pictures hanging on the wall, in the sealed-off room within a nearly empty house. Like his heart, he still carried the people he cared for inside, but he shut them away. Maybe it was because he was trying to protect them from the failure he perceived himself to be. Maybe it was because if he let himself feel one emotion, all the others would come pouring out with them.

“Are these your parents?” She walked over to the far wall and stopped in front of a picture of a man and a woman, maybe in their early sixties. The man was tall and broad, much like Iron, with light brown hair and eyes. He was holding the woman in his arms, one with straight blonde hair and the same luminous gray eyes as the man standing behind her. She could feel his presence mere feet from her without even glancing over her shoulder.

“Yeah. Taken a couple of years ago.” There was a profound longing in his voice that made her eyes burn.

“And this one?” Two men in casual suits clearly exchanging vows beneath a rustic arbor framed with roses. Iron was standing to one side of the trellis with a wide grin on his face. This must have been before the mission. Before everything changed for him. Seeing how proud and carefree he appeared underscored the darkness he now carried.

“My older brother Milo and his husband Ezra. I was his best man. Been nearly fifteen years since that photo was taken, and they’re still very much in love.”

“Do you ever see them, Iron?” She turned and looked up at him. “It’s clear you care about them a great deal.”

“I see them at Christmastime. Thanksgiving if I can manage it.” His voice sounded strangled.

“Do they live far away?”

“Not anymore. When I was injured, my parents moved from Pennsylvania where we grew up to Richmond. It’s about a two-hour drive from here. They wanted to be closer to me. Still can’t fathom why. Ezra and Milo live in Charlotte, North Carolina.”

“Because they love you. Why do you keep them at arm’s length?” She knew Iron blamed himself for what happened, but he had the gift of a family who so obviously loved and supported him, yet he only saw them once or twice a year. It didn’t make any sense to her.

“I was the reason Scooter’s fiancée received a folded flag at her door. I didn’t want to be around anyone. Hell, I didn’t want to be around myself. Had no idea how I was going to live. Thought I couldn’t take anymore. Death seemed like the only way out, but I knew even though it would bring me peace, I’d destroy my parents and my brother. The irony was, I didn’t deserve peace. I knew Scooter was impulsive. That his level of risk acceptance was too damn high. I had the split-second thought of pulling him back, but instead I let him walk to his death. It wasn’t instantaneous. I can still hear the explosion. His screams. I’m messed up, Vee. I’m not going to let that drag everyone else around me down.” He turned, leaving her staring at his back. His shoulders rose up and down as he tried to catch his breath.

She did the only thing that came to mind. She wrapped her hands around his waist and hugged with all her might.

Chapter Eight

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