Page 23 of Deadlier Obsessions

As we approach the room, finally we hear Lucy’s response, “No! It’s not like that. Yes, you probably would deserve it but, Mav, this isn’t right.”

This is how it happens, I guess. Five people can’t make it work long term, but now I’m not just losing my three men, but my best friend too. How can you even begin to process a loss of that magnitude? I peek in the room and find Maverick on his knees in front of the bed where Lucy sits, his arms wrapped around her waist, his head in her lap, as he cries.

I back away, because it doesn’t feel right to intrude on this moment. I’ve never seen him emotional, in fact, I wasn’t sure it was even possible.

I motion to Sebastian and Gage to go back to the other bedroom. When we step inside, Sebastian asks with a choked sound, “If she leaves, are you going too?”

Gage growls at me, like I said I was going somewhere. “Nobody is fucking going anywhere. Got it?”

He runs his hand through his hair, and I know he doesn’t even believe his own words, he’s scared. And one thing I know about scared Gage is it’s dangerous and fucking scary.

LUCY

Ever wish you could take back a moment? A word? A big fucking mistake? I really don’t want to lose my family for any reason, and right now I’m torn between two families, aren’t I? So which one matters more to me? Which one will be my lasting future?

Mav drops to his knees and wraps his arms around me as I sit there on the bed, and then he buries his face in my lap as he…he cries?Mav showing emotion like this is killing me, breaking my heart, because he doesn’t do this. He isn’t an emotional person, and this… is this me causing him this pain? Am I the monster in this scenario? Breaking a man’s heart, because I’m trying yet again to fit into the picture my parents want to paint me in? Not writing my own story, because they want me to fit into theirs?

“I can’t fucking lose you, baby, I can’t lose any of you. Don’t do this to me, don’t do this,” Mav says, before he lunges up from the floor and pushes me back on the bed, pinning me with his entire body. His face is pink, tear-stained, and more beautiful than I’veever seen it. It’s not that I’m enjoying his pain, of course not, it’s that he’s looking at me like everything he wants is right in front of him, and he’ll do anything to keep it. To keep me.

When you’ve been told enough times that you’re not living the right way, even though you feel like you’re living your best life, it starts to take hold. It chips away at the person you are, because you feel like you’re literally doing it wrong. Everything. Living. How can you live wrong though? Is it wrong to be in love? Is it wrong to love more than one person?

“Aren’t they right about me, Mav? Aren’t I just a filthy whore who’s worthless?” I sob, squeezing my eyes closed, so I won’t have to see his expression, because I’m afraid of his response.

“Lucy,” he barks, making me jump, and my eyes pop open to focus on him, as his hands surround my face, cupping my cheeks.

“You’re not a whore, but you are our sweet little writer slut, and we love you. You can’t leave, because if you do, you destroy all that we’ve built together. Do you really want to lose everything we’ve created? Can you really live without ever seeing any of us again?”

No. I don’t want that. I don’t want to be away from them, but how can I reconcile this life with what my parents want for me? Should I really just cut them out of my life to be the person they’re so ashamed of?

“Lucy, look at me in the fucking eyes and tell me you don’t love me. Haven’t I shown you that you mean the world to me? All of you are my family, my chosen family, dammit. You think this shit was easy? You think we haven’t all given up something to come together like this? We all did it because it’s fucking worth it. Because we love each other. Because we just fucking belong together. Now if you can throw all of that away, just so you can be miserable here with your family in this fucking dismal country, then maybe you’re not the woman I fell for.” I stare athim as he watches me for a moment, then sighs. “I don’t know what else to say, Lucy. Tell me what you need to hear, or shall I just tell Gage we need to tie you up until you fucking fall in line again?”

Again, I’m silent, because for a person who makes a living from words, I literally can’t find any right now. I don’t know the right thing to say. I don’t know how to convey what I’m feeling, and I’m terrified I’ve just ruined everything for all of us. How could I just selfishly risk the happiness of all five of us, just because I’m still smarting over what my parents said? What if whatever I say comes out wrong, and makes things worse?

“Jesus, Lucy,” Mav says, sighing as he pushes himself up from the bed, and backs up. “Maybe I’m not the right one to convince you, and I have no idea why that hurts so fucking much.” No! He’s walking away! I leap up from the bed and practically tackle him in the doorway, nearly knocking us both over with my momentum.

“Lucy, what the fuck?” Words are failing me again, but fuck it, who needs them? I grab his neck and rise up on my tiptoes, crashing my lips against his. If I can’t tell him, I’ll just have to show him.

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

SEBASTIAN

This is the longest we’ve ever been naked and not been fucking. The fear of losing all this has killed the mood. Gage and Stella were insistent that we let Mav and Lucy figure their shit out, but it’s pissing me off, because it’s not only about them. This affects all of us. It’s like building a tower with Jenga pieces, if you remove one, then it’ll all come crashing down.

“Do you think this is about what I did to her?” Stella asks with a sad expression. Nobody feels guilt for shit they didn’t even do quite like her. Every choice she makes in life is met with overthinking. It’s how her brain is wired.

“No, baby,” Gage says as he runs his hand through her hair, “You girls tend to get into your heads a lot. I think it’s probably more about that.”

He pulls her into his arms as he lies back on the bed. I stand in front of the mattress, watching them, marveling at how normal this feels. There was a time, not too long ago, that seeing Gage touch either of my women made me go crazy. So why then does it bother me so much if Mav and Gage do anything? I don’t know, I don’t understand it. Maybe it was unexpected because he has always shown no interest in being with a man. That’s probably what terrifies me the most, because neither did I. Prior to the day Gage forcefully sucked my cock in that bathroom, I never had a single thought about being with another man.

It still bothers me to some degree because, while Gage says labels aren’t necessary for me, I’m still trying to figure it out. I’mdefinitely not gay because I fucking love my women. Does that make me bi-sexual? I don’t think that’s true either, because if Gage weren’t in the picture for whatever reason, I’d never touch another man.

“Sebastian,” Stella whines, “I need you too.”

I climb onto the bed on the other side of her and wrap my arm around her waist, my hand resting on Gage’s side. “Gage, do you love me?” She asks.

He clears his throat, “Yes, baby.”

She places a kiss on his chest and giggles. “Then you should give me anything I want.”

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