Page 79 of Reaper

His words confuse the hell out of me. Why would I be angry with him for something I did? It was my choices that led to everything that happened.

“This wasn’t your fault, Nico. I’m the one who caused what he did.”

Shaking his head, he says, “I should’ve killed him a long time ago, and if I had, you wouldn’t have felt the need to put yourself in danger.”

“Again, it wasn’t your fault, but I know this changes things, so I’m going to take a shower, if your brother wouldn’t mind too much, and I’ll be on my way.”

CHAPTER FORTY-EIGHT

REAPER

I say nothing as she gets up and goes into the bathroom. My mind is fucking racing, and my heart pounds with defeat. The desire to lock her up and keep her with me is strong. So fucking strong, but I can’t. After what she’s been through, I can’t do it. So much has happened between us, and I can’t bring myself to cause her more pain, even if losing her will destroy me. This is the problem with being given something so incredible. I was fine before, but suddenly, the devastation is as all-consuming as she is.

When she comes back into the bedroom, she’s wearing a t-shirt and yoga pants. Athena must have left them for her. She looks stunning as usual, with freshly cleaned skin and wet hair. I just want to fucking hold her in my arms, but I know I can’t.

This fucking hurts.

“It changes nothing for me. My feelings for you have never wavered. Go ahead and leave me, living dead girl. Take the fucking breath from my lungs. Yank out the heart from my chest. Just know, I’ll never be far. I’ll be watching, because I have no other choice. The only way you’ll truly be rid of me is to kill me, and I hope you do. I won’t even fight you.”

She sits on the bed and sighs audibly.

“How can you ever look at me, and not see what you saw?”

Clenching my fists, I say, “When I look at you, I see you. Like I always have. My hands are in fists so I can stop myself from touching you, when my fingers and arms physically ache to hold you. Not so long ago, you told me not to push you away. And yet you’re doing the same thing right now. I deserve to lose you, but I still can’t bear it. Will I ever forget what he did to you? No. When Ilook at you, I don’t see that. I see my beautiful girl that I don’t know how to fucking live without.”

“Nico,” she whispers, as a tear rolls down her cheek.

“I don’t know how to do this. The only thing I know how to do is run from shit.”

Fuck this. I cannot handle this distance. Rising from the chair, I go over to the bed and sit beside her, and pull her into my arms. She punches me in the chest repeatedly, but I don’t let her go. Instead, I lift her and move to the head of the bed, and lay down, holding her tight. She sobs into my chest, but I don’t release her.

“I’m sorry. I can’t do the right thing.”

Sighing, I continue, “I told myself if you wanted me to let you go, I would, but I can’t. For you, I desperately want to be a better man than I am, but I can’t be”

She clutches onto my shirt, like she’s holding on for dear life. And I inhale the scent of her hair and instantly don’t like it. She doesn’t smell like she usually does, because the shampoo is different.

“Before I passed out, I was cursing myself, because I knew you wouldn’t forgive me for letting another man touch me like that.”

I kiss the top of her head, because I can’t stop myself.

“You didn’t let him. Did you ask him to do that to you? I bet not. You didn’t let him, any more than I let him, baby.”

She pulls her head back and looks me in the eyes, for the first time since I found her.

“I’m sorry he hurt you. It was stupid, I know that now, but I wanted to make him pay for what he did to you.”

Placing my palm on the side of her face, I shake my head.

“It wasn’t stupid. It was dangerous, yet beautiful. Nobody has ever stood up for me like that. Do I wish you hadn’t done that? Yes, but don’t think it doesn’t mean anything, because it means a lot. And you fucking killed him. Not without injuries, but you did make him pay.”

She slides her hand inside my shirt, and holds it against my heart.

Sighing in contentment, I ask her the one question that needs to be answered.

“Are you using drugs?”

Her glare is instant and beautiful, but I still want to know.

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