Page 1 of His Stubborn Girl

1

Torrin

My foot pauses on the step and the railing gets strangled under my grip. His door is open and there’s noise coming from within. I just passed Mom in the kitchen making dinner, and Walter’s in his office, which means…he’s here. I didn’t think he was coming. I was hoping he wouldn’t. But I’m guessing his dad demanded he be here for my graduation.

A coup rises inside my stomach as my nerves wage their war. I look back down the stairs at the front door. I could make a run for it. Hide at Kami’s house tonight. Stay there until he leaves town. But then Mom comes walking in, staring right up at me and gives me away.

“Hey, Torre, do you want rice or potatoes with the roast tonight?”

I don’t want anything. My nerves are taking up every crevice of my stomach. I’d rather hide in my room than sit at the table across from Lukas. Having to form a coherent thought and participate in a conversation isn’t something I’m ready for. But our parents won’t let me get out of dinner. It’s the first time he’s been home since Christmas. They’ll want us all to be together. One big happy family.

“Potatoes,” I tell her, knowing they’re Luke’s favorite. He likes them with a little butter and a sprinkle of Italian seasoning, and a dollop of sour cream on top. The details are ingrained from when we were kids. I used to think it was gross that he wanted herbs—which I always pronounced with theh—on his potatoes. I wish I could also remember the feelings that went along with those memories, but my body seems to have blocked them out. All I remember is the way I felt when I saw him last month.

“Potatoes it is. Did you see the surprise?” She looks toward Lukas’s open door, and I nod, forcing the smile.

I certainly did, and indeed it was a surprise. My entire system is frozen in shock. Overwhelmed and practically shaking. I didn’t have time to prepare for this. I wish someone had warned me he was coming so I could mentally gear up. Though, it was probably a shock to them too that he actually showed. Family is no longer a priority to him. They were probably expecting him to cancel and make promises that he’ll come in as soon as he can get away from his “busy” life. I would’ve been fine with a congratulations text. He can go back to the girls and his teammates, and I’ll be able to breathe again.

I turn, knowing that it’s time to face the inevitable. The sooner I can figure out how to be in the same room with him, under the same roof, breathing the same air, the better.

“Hey.” I step up to his door, clinging to the wooden frame to keep myself steady. “Did you just get home?” I wish my voice wouldn’t sound so unsteady, and that my cheeks wouldn’t feel so hot. He’s going to wonder what’s wrong with me. I could always blame it on being sick. After all, that’s what I am. A sick and twisted human being.

“Hey, Torre.” He turns, and the butterflies lift their wings and make a whoosh inside my stomach, beginning their violent dance. He cut his hair since the last time I saw him, and his chin is covered in scruff like it’s been a few days since he shaved or maybe he’s trying to grow a beard. He looks older. Sexier.

And I feel sicker.

“Traffic was bad, or I would’ve been home hours ago. Did you just get back from school?”

“Yep. Just two days left and then I’m done.” I force the excitement in my voice, but I don’t want high school to be over. I’m going to miss my friends. And Student Council. Pep rallies. And cheer. That’s what I’ll miss the most. Games on Friday nights. The excitement. The adrenaline. The crowd cheering as I land my triple in the middle of the field. “Thanks for coming, by the way.”

In spite of my awkward feelings, it’s good to know he doesn’t hate me. He was so mad the last time we saw each other, I didn’t think he’d ever speak to me again. Though, maybe it’d be easier if he didn’t.

“I never would’ve missed your graduation, sis.”

Sis.That word used to be so sweet, made me feel special, and now it sits like sour milk, curdling in my stomach, making me feel sicker.

The awkwardness is growing expansive, and I don’t know what to say. Or how to make it stop. I just want to rewind back to a month ago. Back to when everything was normal. Back to when I could look at him without all these intense feelings swarming in, messing with my mind.

“Well, I’ll let you get unpacked.” I turn to go to my room, needing some fresh air. A distraction. A moment alone with my nerves.

“That’s it. You aren’t even going to give your big brother a hug?”

My feet almost break out into a sprint down the hall, but I don’t need him to come questioning what my problem is. My problem is that I don’t know how to shut it off. I can’t get the images out of my head. I can’t stop my pulse from racing when he’s near, or the gut-wrenching need that’s trying to swallow me whole. I can’t stop my heart from falling to its unrequited death every time he smiles at me. I’m a mess, and being near him is only making it worse.

I turn, cautiously moving in as if his touch is going to burn me. And it does. The heat seeps in as he wraps me in a hug, slowly burning down every inch, scorching all of my senses. Torturing every single nerve. The flames strike across my sanity and flick between my legs, and I feel myself tremble. He pulls me in closer and my crushing little heart soaks up every second of his attention, wishing I could remember back to when I was twelve and saw him as my obnoxious big stepbrother who would boss me around and got annoyed every time I was in his presence. Now, all I can think about is how much I crave him.

“I’m sorry about how we left things, Torre.” The mention of our fight brings back a memory I’ve been trying to forget. “Look. I may not understand your decision, but I shouldn’t have said what I did. I’m not disappointed in you, and I don’t think you’re a spoiled brat. I get that you want to spread your wings and try something new, and I’ll support you no matter what. But just promise me one thing.” He lifts my chin, imploring me with those dark eyes and stealing the last remaining oxygen in my lungs. “If you end up missing it, promise me you’ll try out next year. You’re so talented, Torrin. And the squad would be lucky to have you.”

It’s not that I didn’t want to cheer anymore, it’s that I couldn’t do it. It was all so overwhelming. Everything crashed in at once. The jealousy. The intense feelings. The disgust over my twisted emotions. I was so confused I couldn’t think straight. I couldn’t concentrate on my high jumps or the routines. Everything became a blur to the forbidden thoughts that were taking over. And every time I looked over and saw Lukas watching me from the sidelines, I fumbled. My nerves took control, and I couldn’t perform. It felt like I couldn’t breathe. Like I was having a nervous breakdown. Everything was closing in and I needed air. So, I left. And I never went back.

But as far as Lukas and everyone else knows, I bailed because my “heart wasn’t in it anymore.” Because I got to campus and realized I wanted to experience new things at college. Try something different next year. I’ve been cheering since I was four years old. I’ve given it my blood, sweat, and tears. But I told everyone I was done.

Now, I have to figure out what I’m going to do with my life because ever since I was a little girl, sitting in the stadiums, watching the cheerleaders in their cute skirts and tops, smiling wide, looking beautiful, getting all the fans excited, I’d dreamt of being a professional cheerleader. There is nothing else I want to do, but I walked out on my auditions and I lost my chance.

“I promise I’ll go back if I miss it.” I cross my fingers behind my back, knowing I’ll never be able to cheer on the same team as Stacey. Every time I look at her, I see the image of them together and the jealousy slices in, cutting so deep I can barely breathe past it. “But I really am excited about exploring new things this year.” The lie comes out easily now. I’ve said it so many times I may soon believe it. “I might even join a sorority.”

“No.” Lukas shifts away, looking angry with me again. “You’re not rushing a sorority.”

He turns and walks back over to his bed, working to unpack his bag. His entire body is tense like I’ve struck a nerve, but I don’t understand why he’s so against the idea. Given the fact that he spends so much time with sorority girls, I figured he’d be a fan of the idea.

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