Page 36 of Unholy Cross

Chapter Fifteen

Lorelei wandered throughthe large house, not knowing what to do.The place didn’t feel like her home.Maybe Cross had been right, that they should find someplace more ...relaxed.Less stuffy.Stepping outside, the cool night air caused the fine hair around her face to dance.She took her shoes off and stepped onto the grass, something she hadn’t done in a very long time.Digging her toes into the soil, she closed her eyes and enjoyed the earthly sensation.

No more being hurt.No bruises.No midnight torture sessions.

She looked at her arms and noticed the finger impressions around her wrist were fading to yellow.Soon, there’d be no more proof of her time at Noble Vale.It would be nothing but a distant memory.A horrible nightmare she had awoken from.

Tilting her head back, she stared at the moon and stars.She and Cross had been moving so much, she never realized how much she missed seeing the world at night.It would be something she’d never take for granted again.

Heading back inside, she wandered into the kitchen.Running her fingers over the granite surfaces and high-end appliances, she thought it would be nice to know how to cook.Perhaps she’d look into YouTube videos.

In the family room, she flopped onto the couch with her phone and brought up the Internet.For the next hour she went down several rabbit holes looking at content.Music videos.Bloopers.Cooking tips.People playing online games.Drama clips.News.Politics.There was so much to see and catch up on.

There were advertisements for online colleges that caught her attention, and she started wondering.Did she owe it to herself to reintegrate into society?Finish school.Go to college.Find a job.Commute to whatever career she found herself in?Truthfully, that sounded a lot like the box she just left.She freely admitted she had no idea what to do in this world she had been absent from for years.Part of her was resigned about missing the life she could have had and what she would’ve become if she went to school.Attended football games.Homecoming dances and prom.She could’ve had a boyfriend.Friends.Late-night coffee sessions as she stressed over passing her finals.Perhaps she’d have married her college sweetheart.Had a child.Lived a normal life.

The other part reminded her that if she’d had that life, she’d never have met Cross and she didn’t know how that made her feel.She saw the parts of him that were vicious, but he treated her like she was made of glass.She vaguely remembered from the one semester of psychology class she took in high school that there was a term for forming an attachment to a rescuer.What was that called?She went back to her phone and promptly fell down another rabbit hole.There seemed to be a few different terms.Trauma bonding.Codependency to the rescuer.White Knight Syndrome.Rescue Romance Syndrome.

Most people, when freed, would never let someone take over their lives again, but it seemed she wasn’t one of them.If she were brutally honest with herself, she had to admit she liked him taking care of her.The good, the bad, and the ugly.He admitted this house didn’t suit him, but he’d live here anyway if she wanted to.Yes, he made decisions for her, but he had also taken her opinion on some things.From the moment they met, his dominance made her feel safe, but maybe he needed to feel safe as well.Maybe he needed her just like she needed him.Maybehe needed to be dominant.

As she thought about that, she spotted a thumbnail of a woman knitting, and a different memory surfaced.Sitting with her grandmother, who passed away before Costello Birsha came into their lives, watching her knit.She’d tried knitting herself, but could never really grasp a love for it.Lorelei clicked on the video where a woman demonstrated how to perform different types of stitches with different types of needles.

“Remember, always infuse healing love into whatever you do.You have the power to change lives.”

She tilted her head as her brow furrowed.Had her grandmother known about her so-called gift?If so, how?Puzzled, and wishing she had more answers, she turned off the television.Yawning and stretching, she noticed it was close to midnight.Cross told her to not wait up.That his job now consisted of bouncing at a bar, which closed at two in the morning.He estimated he’d be home around three.She decided to take a nap so she’d be able to hear him when he got home.

It seemed she just closed her eyes when a hand on her shoulder made her jump, scooting away as the memory of Costello Birsha beating her with a baton rolled through her mind.A scream lodged in her throat, unable to escape.She suffered in silence, knowing if she gave him the satisfaction of howling her pain it would feed his demented soul.Her arms came up to protect her head, knowing she exposed her ribs.Better them breaking rather than another concussion.

“Hey, hey, Sweetheart, it’s me.It’s Aera.”A gentle hand ran up and down her arms.“Open your eyes, please.You’re safe.You’re safe.”

The words repeated, over and over, until they sank into her mind and the past slowly faded away.She was with Cross.She was safe.Lorelei opened her eyes and his face came into focus, chasing away the last vestiges of the nightmare.She threw her arms around his neck, never wanting to let him go.Wishing she could tell him how much he meant to her.Maybe this was transference, or whatever the hell psychologists called “falling for your rescuer.”Her experience with that whole side of medicine was tainted so much she refused to think about it anymore.

Suddenly, peace settled through her.One day.One day she promised herself she’d work through all the shit in her head, but only at her own pace.If it took years, so be it.As for now, she refused to let Costello Birsha take up residence in her head.He didn’t own her anymore, and his name would never be thought of again.

She pulled back to look up at him, and opened her mouth to tell him she wanted to live in the present—with him, and without the darkness lingering around the edge of her memories.To do that, at least for now, she had to fully embrace this new life with Cross.

Only, the words got stuck in her throat.For years she bottled up her voice to denythat doctorthe satisfaction of hearing her pain, but the sounds refused to come out.The expression on her face must have alerted him to what she was thinking.

“Shh,” Cross whispered.He ran his fingers through her hair, pushing it off her face.“You have all the time in the world to figure things out, and I’m not going anywhere.Okay?I’ve got you.”

Relief soared through her.He got it.He understood without her saying a word.She closed her eyes and nodded, sinking into his arms.Cross kissed her forehead, and from that simple caress, her body heated up remembering how he’d made her feel.His mouth.His touch.She opened her eyes and made a choice, although it had never really been an issue to make.

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