Page 11 of Deprivation

“No. He looks like shit. I was in the bay restocking supplies when I saw Kelly pull up in her car. Before I could say ‘hi’ she walks over to Jacob with the look of a doctor about to tell a patient they have a week to live. I decided to stay out of it and noticed they walked around behind the building.” He stops to inhale a large bite of food. “She must have pulled the pin and run because I hadn’t even finished with the supplies before she ran back to her car and pulled out. Next thing I know, Tyler is walking back through the bay looking like his dog died.” He places a handful of chips into his mouth. Crunching loudly, he continues, “I followed him in, and he said, ‘She just said it was over. That it wasn’t working for her anymore.’ ”

I was shocked to see someone like Jake, who was fortunate enough to be in such an amazing relationship, act so nonchalant about his friend’s utter heartbreak. As well, the fact that Kelly would dump a guy as attentive and caring as Tyler blows my mind. Looking to Melanie, I notice her expression mimics my disbelief. “They always seemed so in love. He was always holding her hand and looking at her like she walked on water,” I share in astonishment.I’d never let a guy like that get away.

Melanie interjects, “Well, you never really know what’s going on behind closed doors, Kat. I thought the same thing, but you just never know.” She looks toward Jake, who continues to devour his meal, and I watch as Huggie silently gazes at her with a look of concern, or friendly adoration, or is it more?

Suddenly, my hunger disappears, as my thoughts travel to Tyler, Dorothy, and the scared young girl I rode alongside this evening. We’d received reassurance from the ER physicians that our patients looked stable and would likely be discharged home with some ibuprofen after X-rays were reviewed. Even the patient requiring extrication was given a good prognosis. Sadly, the same cannot be said for Tyler. My heart tells methatpain is going to be a little more intense.

* * *

Finishing off the end of a volunteer shift a few weeks later, we arrive at Mary Immaculate to drop off a patient with abdominal pain. After giving my report to the nurse accepting the patient, I turn to exit and notice Tyler leaning against the door frame.How did I not know he worked here?

Donned in maroon scrubs, he looks at me and gives me that dangerous wink again.

Completely flustered, I smile back shyly and head past him as I feel his arm wrap around me playfully.What the heck? Am I awake? I keep walking so as not to make a complete fool of myself in front of him, the nurse, and the patient I’ve just delivered.

In the EMS lounge, I grab a bag of pretzels. Then on my way out, I see Melanie coming toward me. “Hey, we’re having some folks over to the apartment this weekend. You want to come by? No big party or anything, just a few of us having beers and watching the game,” she explains.

“Yeah, that’d be fun,” I say as we stroll toward the ambulance bay.

Looking down at my bag of pretzels, I hear Melanie’s voice again.

“Hey, Tyler… Me and Jake are having some people over this weekend. Want to come by?” She turns to me with a playful wink.What?

“Count me in, Mel. I’ll bring some beer,” he shoots off with a grin.Wow, he seems to have recovered.

I look at Melanie inquisitively.

“What? Oh, my god, Kat, it’s obvious you like him. Just get on that.”

Almost choking on the dry pretzel now lodged in my windpipe, I retort, “Melanie, obvious to who? Does he know?” I screech in horror.

“Kat, I hate to break it to you, but I think everyone knows.”

“Melanie, I can’t come to your house now. I’d be mortified.”

“Don’t be silly. Just talk to him. He’s a nice guy, but just be careful. He hasn’t been the same after the Kelly debacle. I think he’s starting to get back to his old self, but you never know with these boys. I just don’t want him to take you down with him if he hasn’t fully recovered, since clearly one look from him and you’ll be offering to have his children,” she laughs.

Slapping her on the arm, I walk past her to the ambulance and climb in the front passenger seat.Good lord, will my dating life always be a joke? How could I have let everyone else see what I was feeling when Tyler was around? I’m sure the fact I can’t keep from looking at him whenever he enters a room doesn’t help my cause. But he’s so damn pretty. God made boys like Tyler for the sole purpose of being admired. It’d be rude to let His fine works go unappreciated.

* * *

The weekend comes none too soon. What if Tyler brings a date? Might as well face that very real possibility. If he doesn’t bring a date and speaks to me, or God forbid winks again, will everyone be watching and laughing?Ugh.Why am I doing this again?I find some tight-fitting jeans, a dark, flowy, see-through top with a black tank beneath, and a pair of ankle boots. While I’m not as comfortable with a makeup brush as most of the girls I know, I attempt to place some mild, natural-looking foundation, blush, and lip gloss before working on my hair. It’s a little longer now, darker brown, but still straight as a pin.

I really should save up to get some highlights done, but those are funds I can’t justify right now. “Once you start coloring your hair, you will never stop, Kat,” Mom used to say as her reasoning for not taking us to the salon. Deciding to leave my hair down, I grab my bag and head for the door. I share an apartment with a roommate who’s rarely home. This usually suits me just fine, as it isn’t too far from how I grew up.

As I walk up the steps to Jake and Mel’s apartment, I can hear the voices of a few folks I recognize. Tyler is definitely here, but I’m unsure who else. I take a deep breath and pray for the confidence of someone like my dear friend Olivia to inhabit my body, if only for tonight. I walk through the front door and there he is in all his glory. Standing facing me in dark jeans and a Henley, beautiful bright blue eyes gazing at me as he smiles that toothy grin in my direction.

Get it together, Kat. I try to smile back and quickly look away so as not to attract any more attention to myself. I notice Smith is standing to his left. Smith also volunteers at our rescue squad, but he’s older, and I don’t see him often. Apparently, he and Tyler have become tight. Who knows, maybe he’s the friend Tyler needs to offer a supportive word and a stiff drink. I never pictured the two of them as buddies. Tyler is everyone’s friend, the popular kid in school, while Smith reminds me of the Judd Nelson character fromThe Breakfast Club. Always wearing tattered clothes, a cigarette dangling from his mouth as if he is the self-designated front man for all misunderstood twenty-somethings. He just has a smarmy quality about him I can’t put my finger on.

“Hey, Kat,” Jake smiles, handing me a beer. The room is small, but other than Jake and Melanie, there are only about six other people in attendance. The Virginia Tech game is playing in the background. While everyone here has attended a local university or community college, I know it’s Jake and Melanie’s dream to attend Virginia Tech for graduate school. They always seem to have their whole life planned out perfectly. I, on the other hand, still don’t have a clue. At this point, I’m just studying a pre-med track until I can get a better grip on what I want.

Melanie saunters over and leans in as if to kiss me on the cheek and whispers, “I hope you’re actually going to talk to him while he’s here.” She leans back, smiling over the top of her beer bottle coyly.

Looking at her, exasperated, I state sharply, “Cut it out, Mel. I don’t think I’m ready—”

“Hey, Kat. What’s up?” I hear Tyler say as he comes up behind me. My skin heats at the nape of my neck as I turn my head to peer up at him. Then, I quickly redirect my focus back to my beer.

“Hey, Tyler. Not much. What’s up with you?”Clever.Very clever, Kat.With such witty banter, I don’t know why on Earth you have such trouble meeting men.

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