Page 16 of Deprivation

I stare at him, stunned. “I’m sorry, did you say it was a good thing?”

“She wasn’t the one, Nick. She was more in love with herself and being a surgeon’s wife than with you. That was evident from the first time I met her. Every chance I had to give her the benefit of the doubt, she proved me right. It’s not too late for you. The right one is still out there.”

“No, sir.” I shake my head slowly. “I’m afraid that’s where we have to agree to disagree. I don’t think that type of woman exists for me,” I state emphatically. I leave out the part that if she does, I wouldn’t willingly enter into a relationship with her knowing my whole world could be stolen from me in a matter of months. My mother put herself through daily agony, enduring every chemotherapy and radiation treatment prescribed, including some experimental therapies, all to no avail. Fifty-six years young and six months to the day, she found out she had breast cancer, and her body succumbed to the awful disease. The months that followed were like living in a morgue. I felt her constant presence, but could not reach out and touch her. She came to me in my dreams, but I’d awaken to the very real nightmare of her absence. I knew my father felt the same, however, this had apparently never gone away for him. Relishing her memory was his full-time job.I’m sure he talks to her when I’m not here.

“Just promise me you’ll keep an open mind, Nick. Life’s too short to miss out on a love like I had with Lydia.”

“Okay, Dad. I’ll try to keep an open mind.” I know the opening is merely a crevice, one placed there only to appease the old man.

Two hours later, I hug my dad goodbye and promise to return within the next few weeks. I haven’t left myself much time to get to the soccer game. I had a much harder time pulling myself away today. He didn’t appear as downtrodden as I usually found him, and it was nice to spend time with him without the film of my dead mother’s memory coated to every second of our visit. I fortunately find the traffic is light today. I’ve no doubt I’ll make it to the field on time.

Pulling into in the parking lot of the large soccer complex, I notice the lot and sidewalks are teeming with people who are carrying sports gear, folding chairs, and water bottles. This particular complex houses eighteen soccer fields. I start looking for field number fourteen when I hear someone shout my name.

“Hey, Nick, it’s Jake Harris. We met the other day in the ER,” he says jogging over. “It’s nice to see ya. I didn’t know you played. I’ll have to bring my kids over to watch after they finish their game.”

“Hi, Jake. Wow, just surprised to see you here. I’d love to meet your kids. They both play soccer?”

“Yeah. My daughter, Ruby, is only five so it’s like watching a bunch of bees swarm the field. It won’t really resemble soccer until she’s Seth’s age. He’s seven. But the coaches have been great. Did you play in school?”

“I can barely recall a time I didn’t play,” I return. “It’s such a great sport. Hey, I feel bad running off, but I got here later than I like. Spent longer than I planned with my dad this morning, and I need to go warm up with the team. It was good to see you.”

“Sure, man. We might drop by and watch for a few minutes before we head out. Good luck today.”

I find my teammates and begin the warm up process. Even though I know I’m in great physical shape, I’m clearly not a teenager anymore, and some of these young guys play hard. An injury could really derail my orthopedic practice, so I need to take every precaution. Seth, a teammate I’ve known for a few years, comes over to me as I stretch on the side of the field.

“Hey, Nick. There are a bunch of us going out tonight to grab a beer at The Sports Page. Rick is leaving for his destination wedding in Aruba and didn’t want a bachelor party but agreed to a few beers to send him off. You game?”

I haven’t booked the room at my usual hotel for my plans to hook up tonight.I guess I could go tomorrow night. I don’t normally look for company on a Sunday evening, but the bar I frequent stays busy seven days a week. I try not to admit to myself I’m curious if there’ll be a return visit to The Sports Page by Kat and her friends.You are supposed to be trying to find a willing companion to rid the visions of her, not add to them, you idiot.

“Yeah, I can make it. What time?”

“8:00.” Suddenly, our conversation is interrupted as teammates slap our shoulders, running past us to the field for the start of the game. I run to center field to start the first forty-five-minute half. The opposing players are probably a decade my junior, but this keeps me alive. I admit, I play with total abandon. I’m not ready to let this go yet. Hopefully, much like my dad and driving, I’ll know when it’s the right time to walk away.

* * *

“Dr. Barnes, you were amazing!” A beautiful, bright-eyed girl about five years of age with rosy cheeks and brown hair in braids greets me.

“And that goal. Man, that was awesome! Could you teach me how to kick like that?” A young boy, slightly older than the little girl asks.

“Come on, guys, let’s not overwhelm Dr. Barnes with your enthusiasm. Good game, Nick. That was fun to watch,” Jake exclaims.

“Thanks, guys. You’re definitely good for my ego,” I reply. “I’d be happy to shoot some goals and work on foot skills with you. Just let me know when.”

“Well, now you’ve done it,” Jake states. “I won’t hear the end of it now. We’ll have to look at the calendar and pick a date so I don’t have to hear them ask “when” over dinner every night for the foreseeable future.”

I laugh out loud. “Really, other than work, my calendar’s open, so it’s no trouble. I’d actually enjoy it.” Smiling, I wave goodbye as I carry my things back to the car. I love kids and always hoped I’d have several, so playing soccer with those two would be quite nice. And Jake seems all right. I need to remember that the next time his ‘girlfriend’ invades my shower.Yeah.Maybe that, combined with a good hard fuck tomorrow, and I’ll be able to work in the ER without a hard on.Jesus, what is wrong with me?

* * *

Kat

Sunday has arrived and I prepare for the torture that is my family. I pick up my cell phone and call Melanie. My dear friend answers on the second ring with eagerness.

“Hey, girl, whatcha doin?” she sings into the phone.

“I’m calling in a favor. I have to attend a family function to celebrate Rachel and Steven’s seven years of wedded bliss, and I know I’m going to need a drink afterward. I’m trying to be positive and focus on Jenna and Luke because I don’t get to see my niece and nephew often, but even they can’t save me from the irrational adults in my family.” The thought of the evening before me sends a chill of revulsion through me. “Is there any chance Jake would let you out for a few hours tonight?”

“Sure. He owes me for skipping out on book club the other night. He was supposed to watch the kids, but instead we had to stop our conversation every time snooping little ears graced the living room. How are you supposed to discuss the hot scenes from one of TL Swan’s books with kids around?”

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