Page 21 of Deprivation

Our relationship progresses, and although it doesn’t feel like love or the overwhelming attraction I’d experienced with Tyler, there issomephysical chemistry there. But again, I haven’t had sex in years. There are no fireworks. I often contemplate how bad I must be in bed because he doesn’t seem to be hot and heavy for it when we’re together. He works late hours, so that could be it. Plus, I’m not the most experienced lover.Maybe I should start studying porn?It suddenly dawns on me.Could he be gay and just hasn’t admitted it to himself? Nah, Kat, just admit you are bad in the sack.

* * *

I’ve taken several weeks off from the club to focus on finals. Nate, of course, completely understands, and Chris is as respectful as ever of my time. His absence doesn’t pull at my heart strings. But it’s pleasant knowing his smile will always greet me when we find time. I do find it odd he still isn’t more interested in physical affection. Again, this makes me a little paranoid of his sexual orientation.Or maybe he’s bisexual? I’ve found some porn at his house when I’ve stayed over that appears to be focused on multiple partners. Maybe that’s what he’s into. That’s more adventurous than I’m willing to go.We’ve discussed being monogamous, plus we use protection. Honestly, I don’t think he’s the cheating type. I have first-hand experience with that type of asshole, and this seems different.

* * *

I have the night free, and my exams are behind me. I wait impatiently for Nate to pick me up. He kindly offered to drive so I can drink to celebrate the end of a grueling semester. We catch up on the last few weeks of gossip and head toward the club. I’m not sure if Chris is working because I haven’t reached out to him much during my exam week. We don’t have the type of relationship where we feel the need to check in.

As I walk toward the bar, Nate yells over the loud bass reverberating against the floor. “What do you want to start?”

“I don’t know. Maybe a Tom Collins?” I shout back.

“You got it, doll.”

The evening is a fun celebration of my personal achievement, and my relaxed state with Nate allows me to consume far more alcohol than I’m accustomed. Enjoying my time out, I dance and drink the night away. Chris isn’t working this evening, so I pour all of my attention onto Nate. I pull him toward the back patio to gather my senses; as I can feel the alcohol clouding my brain.

We collapse onto the wooden bench at the back of the patio, laughing.

“Oh, Nate Mars. If I could find a man like you, I’d be a happy woman,” I decree.

“What, Miss Kitty, Chris isn’t doin it for ya?” he teases playfully.

“Ha. Mr. Mars, I’m sure it’s I who isn’t ‘doin’ it’ for him,” I joke. “He doesn’t seem terribly interested in my womanly wiles,” I giggle. “Maybe he plays for your team and doesn’t know it yet.” I shrug.

“Ah, Kat. I hate to break it to you. I did some asking around. He’s a nice guy, but…”

Oh, god. Here we go again.Is he into gang bangs?Sitting up straighter, I ask with apprehension “But what, Nate?”

“He’s straight, Kat. But cocaine is his mistress. It’s not you, sweet girl. He can’t get it up because of the blow.”

Chapter Nine

Present Day

Kat

Why do I feel so wet?It’s dark out, and I turn my head slowly to find I’m floating. Shifting my eyes from side to side, trying to take in my current state, I see familiar buildings and deck furniture and realize I’m floating in my neighborhood’s pool.What the heck?Carefully, my eyes tilt downward to take in my current appearance.Holy heck, I’m naked?As the camera angle on this scene changes, I hear Amy Lee belting out the song “Going Under” by Evanescence as I look down on my body from up above. Although I observe my current situation from a higher altitude, I can somehow tell the water feels nice. It’s tepid and still.

Suddenly, there’s an awareness of hands gliding over me before I see them lift out of the water. Not just two hands, but multiple. They aren’t scary, butsensual?I feel two hands slide up my back and stroke the back of my head while I watch as another pair of hands wraps around the front of my body, cupping my breasts. I’m not sure what’s going on in this erotic scene, but I can’t say I hate it. I suddenly feel myself getting pulled underneath the water and…

My eyes spring open as I gasp for air. Scanning the room, I try to make sense of where I am. I notice the bottle of zolpidem sitting at my bedside and stop to consider this for a moment. Had my headphones been playing that song when I finally dozed off? I’d begun taking a half a sleeping pill a few days ago and progressed to a full pill last evening. The half pills don’t seem to have much of an effect, as I still wake due to nightmares. I just seem to get a few more hours of shuteye before the unsettling visions jolt me awake. But I’ve never had a dream like this one. It beats the nightmares I was having by a long shot. It almost makes me want to stay asleep longer to see what happens next. I don’t mind a little steamy imagery starring yours truly. Heck, if I can’t get any in person, at least dream Kat is getting some action.

I face the fact the erotica has ended and I have to get on with my day. I’m surprised at my thoughts.I wonder what tonight’s dreams will bring? I definitely plan on taking another full tablet of the sleeping pill before bed this evening. Jumping into the shower, I relive the visions from earlier as I rub body wash onto my skin. There are actual tingles developing in places I haven’t sensed in a long time.It felt so real, I could feel them touching me.I snap out of it as I hear my phone ring. Grabbing a towel, I hope to God it’s not my mother.

“Hey, Kat. I’m sorry to bother you,” Jake says apologetically. “It’s really bad here. Do you think you could come in a little early?” he asks sounding desperate.

“Of course, I’ll head right in.” I quickly don my scrubs, fix my face and hair, and grab my shoes. Heading to the kitchen, I collect my purse. No time for coffee, again, so I grab a bottle of water and an apple before leaving for work.I wonder what could be this bad at 8:00 a.m.?

Walking through the ER doors, I can almost feel the stress. I drop my work bag at my usual seat in the breezeway and go in search of Jake. Walking down the hallway a bit I see Meghan. “Hey, girl, what’s going on? Jake called me to come in early.”

“Yeah, it’s been a rough morning. We had an overdose come in. Jake worked on him for a long time before finally pronouncing him dead. He was only twenty-six. Then, a code stroke came in, and once she came back from CT, her pressure started tanking. The radiologist called right before Jake reached out to you and said she had a major head bleed. He’s been trying to keep her stable and contact the neurosurgeon,” Meghan recounts.

“What has Dr. Silver been doing?”

“He’s pretty much seen everyone else. I’m sure he’ll be happy to see you.”

“I bet.”

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