Page 35 of Deprivation

Her unending love and compassion pour through her gentle touch as she continues to stroke my hair and comfort me on my loss, all the while, knowing hers is far greater. And final. “I’ll never be far away, Kat. Don’t forget that. I will love you as much from heaven as I do from here, my sweet girl.”

* * *

Over the next few weeks, Gran surprises us with her physical and mental fortitude. She decides after long talks with my granddad and my mother, she wishes to transfer to a skilled nursing facility for hospice care. She requires more assistance than my grandad can provide, and my mom is relieved she’ll receive pain medication to keep her comfortable.

“God, please take away her pain. And give me the strength to handle this.” I bow my head in the chapel. Exhaustion coupled with potential dehydration from all of the tears I’ve shed make each day more difficult than the one before. I slump into the hard, wooden pew and close my eyes, wishing this was all a bad dream.

Bzzz, bzzz. Bzzz, bzzz.

My eyes open, startled by the sound. Where am I? Realizing I’ve fallen asleep on a pew in the small chapel, I reach for my phone. I see Rachel’s number on the screen and think maybe she’s bringing some much-needed joy to the family with her baby’s early arrival. Wiping the sleep from my eyes and wondering what time it is, I answer with a scratchy voice. “Hey, Rach. You okay?”

“Kat, where are you?” I hear her hysterical crying.

“I’m in the chapel. I must’ve fallen asleep. What’s the matter?”

“She’s gone!” She sobs. “They thought you'd left and called Mom.”

“What?” I hang up the phone, grab my books, and run down the hallway to her room. As I reach the doorway, I stop, take in a deep breath, and walk slowly to her side. She lies there peacefully, eyes closed, hands clasped. The most perfect creature God has ever formed and I was the lucky one to bask in her love for all of these years. Dropping my belongings, I lie across her still body, holding her for what seems like hours. I need to commit everything to memory, knowing this is really goodbye. A short while later, the nurses return to escort me on my way, knowing I won’t be able to leave of my own accord.

I’m unsure how I’m going to get home. I can barely put one foot in front of the other. I’ve never felt so devastated in my life. Reaching into my pocket, I discover my keys are missing.They’re probably still on the pew in the chapel.Returning, I find them where I’d previously slept, instead of spending Gran’s last moments with her. I lean my head against the wood and wail.

Moments later, the sensation of a warm hand on my back momentarily halts my sobs. Rotating in my seat, I take in an attractive man with thick, dark brown hair and deep brown eyes staring quietly back at me with sympathy and concern. Having taken complete leave from my senses, I lean into the beautiful stranger and continue to weep.

Chapter Fourteen

Present Day

Nick

“Hey, great minds think alike,” I greet, reaching for my coffee as Jake enters the doctors’ lounge. My day has started terribly early, rounding on my admitted patients before heading to the office. I already need a pick me up.

“Tired minds think alike,” he drones, grabbing a cup and placing it in the dispenser of the industrial sized coffee machine. “I used to be able to bounce back and forth between early shift and late, but my age has caught up with me. Hell, who am I kidding? I didn’t sleep much when I was younger, either, but I didn’t need as much to function back then.” He grasps the hot beverage and begins pouring milk and sugar into his cup. “I’ve needed sleeping pills for years to get more than four hours, but they all leave me feeling hungover the next morning. There are some days I don’t think I’m fully conscious until nine or ten,” he laughs.

“Hell, that sucks. I haven’t had issues with sleep. I guess that’s one thing I have going for me. But my schedule is pretty routine unless I’m on call. You guys cover twenty-four-hour shifts, so that’s a whole different ballgame. Is sleep an issue for many of the guys you work with?”

“Not really sure. We have some folks who only work nights and others who do a lot of days and weekends. I make the schedule and tend to pick up a lot of the shifts no one else wants, so I’m all over the place. It’s probably just me. Well, and Kat.”

“Kat? Does she work a lot of nights?”

Taking a sip from his steaming mug, he replies, “No, our PAs don’t usually work past 2:00 a.m. Kat’s sleeping issues are a whole different beast. I told you, she’s complicated. I finally got her to try some zolpidem, and I think it’s helping because she appears to be more rested when she comes to work. But then again, she’s good at hiding when things are bad.”

“You two seem really close for co-workers,” I state, blowing across my java, not wanting to burn my mouth but really trying to appear nonchalant. I don’t want to give away my personal motives for this line of questioning.

“Yeah, I think of her like a little sister. We’ve known each other for years. Melanie and I met volunteering with a local rescue squad, and Kat joined about a year or two later. She rode on our crew, and we tried to look out for her. She was kind of a loner. And you’d never know it now, but she used to be really shy around men.” He continues to swirl his coffee with the skinny, wooden stirrer.

“Well, the few instances I’ve seen her out, it’s no longer an issue. I fully expected to see that guy from the club in our office to evaluate his hand,” I snort, shaking my head at the memory.

“Yeah, she’s grown a thick skin and hopefully won’t take any shit from men anymore. But for all of her bravado, she’s got to be lonely. She’s been single for years.”

“Well, after the way my marriage ended, I get it. Trust is a risky business once you’ve been burned. But I’d guess she’d be the last person to step out on someone, if she’s been shit on herself.” I speculate, surprised I’ve done it out loud.

Noticing a hint of interest dance across his face, he continues.“Well, she’s never dated much and when she did, she’d always pick the biggest loser in the crowd. It wasn’t intentional. She’s not the ‘bad boy’ type. Hell, she went out with someone from the rescue squad I thought was a stand-up guy just to find out he was a real dirtbag. I think every guy she’s ever dated has been a dick.”

As Jake is completing his sentence, the door swings wide, and the subject of our conversation walks in. “Who’s a dick?” Kat asks, grinning, her hair in a soft, loose braid cascading over her right shoulder.

“No one in particular. How’d you manage to escape the ER and leave Silver there alone?” Jake points at her with his coffee stirrer.

“Uh, snuck out?” Kat shrugs, giggling. “I’ll only be a minute. I just needed to recharge and I’ll get right back so I can do more of his work for him.” She finishes her statement and rolls her eyes.

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