Page 4 of Deprivation

“Well, I could say the same for you. I can’t remember the last time you ever cooked. What’s the occasion, trying to impress your new man?”

“Maybe. Does that bother you, Nick? That someone else might like me to cook for them?”

“Uh, no. I just wish you’d waited until we were separated to decide you wanted to impress someone else with your culinary skills,” I jibe. “I’m going to visit Dad early on Saturday morning. Please come then to retrieve your cookbooks, and take any other items you may suddenly decide are essential enough to require interrupting my evening.”

“Oh, so touchy. What on earth did I interrupt, anything important? The game, a riveting read of theJournal of Orthopedic Medicine?”

“No, just the best blow job I’ve ever had!” I bark, hanging up the phone without another word. Sadly, what I’d told her was true, in spite of the fact I didn’t come…and that there was no one else in the room, just visions ofher.

Chapter Two

Twelve Years Earlier

Kat

“Oh, my god, I thought this day would never end,” Olivia groans from behind the register.

I turn the heavy metal lock with a loud clunk on the entrance door to the pharmacy. “I know. I thought this week would drag on forever.” I admittedly piled too much on my plate with two exams, three shifts at my part-time job, and volunteering. “I’m exhausted.”

“Not too tired to see Paul, though,” Olivia chirps sarcastically. My beautiful ball buster of a co-worker has never held back her opinion of Paul, or anyone else for that matter. “You’re too good for him, Kat. He’s going nowhere. Don’t let him take you there with him,” she utters as she counts the cash in the till and removes the drawer from the register. “Hell, he’s not even hot. He’s barely even average,” she says, shaking her head. “You could do so much better, Kat.”

“I don’t know about that,” I reply. “Besides, he’s just trying to find himself. College is expensive. There isn’t any sense in going if you aren’t sure what you want to study.”

I know I want a career in medicine but have to defer school because of expenses. I’ve worked hard and received high marks throughout my education. However, it’s not lost on me that no one from either side of my family has ever attended anything beyond a community college course or two. What’s more, my family is not “made of money” as my dad constantly reminds us. There’s no dancing around the fact any and all educational expenses will be mine and mine alone.

“You give him too much credit, Kat. It’s just been him and his mom for so long I don’t think he has any interest in taking care of himself, college or otherwise. You mark my words, there’s going to be a lot of eating Mommy’s food and partying in his future.”

We walk briskly to the back of the store to clock out for the evening and turn in the cash register till to Poppy, the pharmacist who’s also the manager for the evening. Poppy is all the things I aspire to be. She’s beautiful, confident, independent, and smart. She has nice clothes, a great car, and a boyfriend who adores her. She owns her own condo and seems to be enjoying the fruits of her labor. I’m not entirely sure which branch of medicine I want to work in one day, but I’ve been learning a lot working alongside her. She’s given me some of her old flash cards, and I spend my free time memorizing generic and brand names of commonly filled prescriptions in case pharmacology might be in my future. Yeah, my life is popping like that. Nothing better on a Friday night than learning about medications for heart disease and urinary incontinence. Obviously, I do not have a thrilling social life.

Paul is okay company, but I always feel he runs out of fun by the time he gets to me. Lately, I wonder if he’s just fitting me in around the things that actually matter to him. Riding an ambulance at my volunteer job as an EMT provides some excitement. I joined last year to gain some medical experience and it’s been great. You never know what you’re in for, and I find it both educational and confidence boosting. Hopefully, working as an EMT will help me sort out my career in medicine.

Olivia hands me my worn out, insulated lunch tote with Garfield colorfully illustrated on the front. “We can’t all know that we’re going to take on the world,” I direct at the blonde-haired beauty. If I had a dollar for every customer who has asked if she’d ever considered modeling, I’d be able to pay for my master’s degree. Olivia’s a natural stunner and became one of my closest friends within days of starting work at the local pharmacy. For her, this is just a part-time job to put money into savings. She has no aspirations to work in health care. While she’s only a few months older than I am, she’s years wiser in life experience. She has plans to see a photographer about head shots to pursue her dream of acting on Broadway, and I have every confidence she’ll do just that.

“I’m just saying, you have to take life by the balls, Kat. We’ve been living at home for eighteen years. When I graduate, I’m going after what I want with everything I have. It’s competitive out there. I’m realistic, and know it’s a long shot. But how can you live with yourself if you don’t at least try?”

We stand at the front doors, waiting for Poppy to join us so we can exit after the alarm is set.

“Plus, there will be plenty of hot tamales in New York City to distract me if I get rejected too many times and need a stress-reliever,” she adds with a wink.

I think of Paul as we wait by the doors. “Well, I’m going after a stress-reliever of my own.” Paul’s not an overly attractive guy, but he makes me happy, and I can’t exactly be picky. He’s always been attentive and makes me feel as if someone out there actually cares. There isn’t a line of guys knocking down my door. I didn’t date at all during high school until he came along. He’s stocky, about five foot nine, and has brown hair, which sadly looks like his mother trims it using a bowl, Lord Fauntleroy style. He smokes occasionally, which is a real turnoff, but doesn’t do it around me. He isn’t one for flashy clothing, piercings, or tattoos. He’s… Well, he’s Paul.

“Ugh,” she groans loudly, “not with Paul. Please, Kat, let me hook you up with someone. Anyone. Just not Paul. And don’t go falling for anybody. Just sleep with them and move on so you can focus on you.”

“No thanks,” I respond adamantly. As tempting as it is to think about dating someone else on occasion, I can’t imagine casual sex. Heck, I don’t know how much I really enjoy it with Paul. Why would I risk doing it with someone I barely know just to get pregnant or an STD? With a frown, I encourage, “Let’s just get out of here before it’s time to come back tomorrow.”

Poppy smiles at me curiously as we walk through the parking lot.

“See you guys.” I wave at my compadres.

“Bye, Kat. Don’t do anything,or anyone,I wouldn’t do,” she exaggerates theanyonethen pretends to gag herself with her finger.

* * *

Heading for Paul’s apartment, I’m ready to sit back with my boyfriend, a bowl of popcorn, and a good movie. If Olivia only knew the stress-reliever I have in mind is quite different thanheradult entertainment. It’s been a long week, and I’ve earned a relaxing evening. My curfew isn’t until midnight, and home is the last place I want to go. Paul lives in a two-story townhouse with his mother, Patricia, who works full-time as a night shift nurse. They’ve always seemed to have a good relationship, as best I can tell. His father hasn’t been a part of his life since his parents divorced when Paul was very young. He has no recollection of him, and I admit his story makes Paul more endearing to me.

It’s been nice to have the freedom to be alone so often with Paul. He’s gotten a new job, so we haven’t been spending quite as much time together. There’s no drought on physical affection with him. The Earth doesn’t move when we’re together, and he often seems emotionally detached, but I finally have a boyfriend so I’m not going to rock the boat. We aren’t the “I love you” type, but I feel wanted most of the time, and that’s nice.

Parking my used Ford Pinto in the parking space in front of Paul’s door, I step out of my car and grab my purse. It appears darker this evening, and I look to see if one of the overhead lights is out. They’re all lit, but as I approach his front door, I notice his porch lights are off. He probably hasn’t left the house tonight. Paul’s new job is his third in the last six months. His prior jobs as a courier and a waiter “hadn’t gone as planned.” He says his job requires him to be up extra early, thus recently our calls have been getting cut short, and many of our evening plans have been deferred. I try to be supportive, for he’s taken enough heat from people like Olivia, who judge him for graduating without plans to attend college or go after a long-held dream.

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