Page 41 of Deprivation

“Nick, it bothers me you are so willing to give up on a family. Just because your first marriage wasn’t what you’d hoped, it doesn’t mean it can’t work out with someone else. You’re only thirty-five, Son. There’s still time to have kids, if you’d take a chance.”

“Sorry, Dad. I know you’re disappointed about the grandkid thing. I’m not willing to risk it again.” Discovering over the last few weeks my dad was probably right about Sophia, I pondered how an educated man such as myself could’ve gotten that relationship so wrong. Maybe I was going through the motions with her. Marriage was just the next step. But my dignity wasn’t ready to chance another setback. That and the thought of finally meeting someone who rocked my world, just to watch them leave.

“Dad, I like things the way they are. My life is better this way.” I take a bite of my egg-roll. “Besides, if you don’t let anyone get close enough to hurt you, they never will.”

“Nick, you should hear yourself. Your mother would be so disappointed.”

“Dad!” I bark, more sternly than I should.

“Okay, okay. It’s your life. I’ll butt out.”

Not wanting to delay my appreciation, I reply with a mouth full of noodles, “Thank you.”

* * *

Driving home is long and quiet. It wasn’t the morose evening I was accustomed, but I could’ve lived without the continued scrutiny involving my love life, or lack thereof. I know my dad means well. I feel bad there won’t be grandchildren in his future, but there was a time where he and Mom had accepted not having children at all. Maybe I’ll look into the Big Brothers, Big Sisters program sooner than later. My life is full, but after spending time with Seth and Ruby, I know I can find the time.

As precarious silence, my new traveling companion, grabs my attention, I attempt to reassure myself. Needing greater control over my life, I have no interest in entering a relationship which requires giving up who I am just to have my guts torn out when they leave. I have work, soccer, friends, and a bevy of attractive women around town who can indulge in consensual, no strings attached sex. Why would I want to risk ruining all that? I don’t want to spend my days alone on a dock, talking to fish because the love of my life is gone. Betrayal is a thing of the past. No more will I allow others to keep secrets or become the carnage left in the wake of their personal agenda.You don’t let ‘em in, they can’t hurt you.Sure, I’m alone a lot now, but I’m not filled with sorrow and despair. I choose this life. I can do what I want. There are no entanglements preventing me from doing whateveror whomeverI please.

I park the car in the garage, grab my things, and head toward the door with newfound determination. Entering the dark, eerily quiet space it mocks me. My keys clink against the cold, hard stone of the kitchen island in an otherwise still room. For what feels like an eternity, I stand taking in my silent surroundings. “Yes,” I whisper to myself with lackluster confidence “this is what you want.”

Ignoring the tightness in my chest, I walk to the cabinet in the study and open the wooden doors to the bar. Pouring a small tumbler of Scotch, I feel the burn anesthetize the ache in my chest as I sip the amber liquid.Get a grip, Nick.Grab a hot shower and bed.I have a full day tomorrow. This is just what happens when I visit Dad, even if the discomfort was directed at my life choices instead of missing Mom. Nothing new here.

* * *

I’m up with the sun, shower done, and enjoying my second cup of coffee. I managed to get a good night’s sleep and have time to watch a bit of the news before I head in. My mind goes briefly to the recent conversation with Jake regarding his and Kat’s poor sleeping habits. That has to be a treacherous way to live.

The sound is muted on my television, but as I notice aBreaking Newsbanner cross the screen of the local news channel, I walk toward the remote and turn up the volume. “According to our sources, a city bus has been in an accident with several other vehicles, and there are multiple ambulances on scene to transport the victims to local hospitals. There’s no word on any fatalities at this point, but we will update you as more information comes in to the station.”

Shit, that’s only a few blocks from St. Luke’s. I grab my phone and head for the door.

* * *

Kat

Strong hands pin my arms overhead, caging my face between our entangled limbs. The steel grip of his fingers bite into my skin, causing my body to squirm, not in fear but anticipation. I can feel the warmth of his breath caressing my ear, a slight tug on my earlobe from his teeth causing me to groan. Suddenly, I feel a shift in his weight as he repositions to grab both of my arms with one large hand. His hot, wet mouth bites into my throat, causing my pelvis to arch into hard warm flesh. Continued nibbling trails from my neck to my mouth until his soft, firm lips devour mine. As our tongues dance, I can feel his free hand pinching my tight nipples, first the right then the left. Just as I worry I might drown in lust for this man, his mouth breaks free and moves down to suck each sharp peak between his delectable lips.

Unable to control the yearning he’s incited I moan in ecstasy. Continuing to suck and bite on my nipples, his free hand now trails down to rub delicious circles around my swollen bundle of nerves. I’m so turned on. God, when have I ever been so wet? My body starts to shake in want. “Please,” I hear myself beg…

Bzzz. Bzzz.

I awaken, aggravated by the rude interruption. Despite the ravenous ache of desire permeating my body, I reach for the phone, knocking over the pill bottle of zolpidem and open weary eyes to look at the screen.

6:50 a.m.

Nick Barnes

Nick: Do you need me?

Chapter Seventeen

Three and a Half Years Earlier

Kat

“Hey, beautiful. What time do we need to be at your parents’ house for dinner?” Gabe asks.

“6:00,” I reply, distracted. I’m trying to locate the email I’d received recently from a medical school in Norfolk about an interview for PA school.

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