Page 55 of Deprivation

Driving down the highway to my first meal delivery client, I ponder the events of the last few days. It’s not my usual day to distribute meals, but when they needed a substitute volunteer, I jumped at the chance to do something normal, if nothing else to take my mind off of the stifling silence I’ve been drowning in. I just don’t understand what could’ve gone so wrong.

Yawning as I look at my GPS for the directions to my first delivery, I’m kicking myself for skipping the sleeping pill last night. I’d run out of pills and was too busy yesterday to pick up my prescription. I tossed and turned most of the night. Surprisingly, I didn’t have any night terrors. But reliving that awful conversation with Nick in the ER was nightmare enough.Conversation? Heck, that wasn’t a conversation. I felt like I was being scolded in front of the class. Any attempt I made at reassuring him I hadn’t done anything to shun him was met with increased rage. Even after he knew I hadn’t called Dr. Lee, his wrath was still directed at me. Well, meandDr. Lee.Did he think…?

Pulling into the first client’s driveway, I park my car in the gravel drive and grab my cooler containing the day’s deliveries. As I approach the door, I notice the kind, frail woman standing in the storm door awaiting my arrival.

“Good morning, Ms. Norris. It looks like lasagna today,” I offer.

“Thank you, dear,” she responds, quickly closing her door behind her. I try to reassure myself it’s to keep out the cold, but I admit I’m starting to feel it’s a metaphor for my life.I’m not going to let this get to me. I didn’t do anything wrong.

I return to the car, head held high, and plug the next address into my phone’s GPS. I know the direction of most of these stops by heart, but if someone new is added to the roster, it can throw things off a bit. I turn up the volume on my radio as I back out of the drive. “Papercut” by Linkin Park. Angry rock always soothes my soul, but anything Linkin Park tends to make me feel more vindicated in my ire. I reflect once more on the spectacle in the ER yesterday. How do you go from dry humping me in an exam room one day to screaming at me in front of my peers the next?

Reconsidering my earlier query, I contemplate whether there was some animosity toward Dr. Lee. It appears he’s brought him up before, wondering why, “you never offer to assist ME with anything.” Good grief. Is he jealous? Dr. Lee is an incredibly attractive, successful man. Maybe he’s intimidated. Well, that’s no reason to take it out on me.Ugh. The arrogance of this man. Every time I think about it, I become more enraged.

Nick Barnes wears arrogance like a suit of armor.One I want to peel off with my teeth,I admit. I recall on how turned on I’d become, feeling his nose nuzzle my neck while he ground his hard cock into me. Why do I have to find him so appetizing? He’s been kinder recently, but overall he’s been a real jackass. Maybe this is the eye opener I need to stop having naughty dreams about him and move on.Heck, maybe I should do like Jessica had proposed. A one-night stand with Dr. Lee might make me forget Dr. Broody, and I can bet damn sure he’d give me an orgasm!

* * *

Nick

I’ve never regretted anything more in this moment than taking this call shift off of Dr. Morgan’s hands. It’s way too soon to show my face in this department. Thankfully, Jake is off today. Wish I could say the same for Kat.

Trying to steer clear of her, I work out of the nurses’ station in a different zone of the ER. I’ve been consulted for a hip fracture. Hopefully, this will be a quick in and out. This is an elderly patient who’ll require medical clearance prior to going under the knife, so her surgery will not occur until tomorrow. Having already evaluated her, I’m rapidly drafting her consult note in the computer so I can slink out of here unseen. I look up to see Kat’s two bodyguards… I mean, nurse colleagues, Jessica and ‘the brunette.’ Well, so much for the quick escape.Just keep your head down, finish your work, and go.

As I type my note, I overhear whispering from the two. I try to peek undetected and notice they’re standing with their backs to me, taking a selfie.That seems odd.Giggling, they put the phone down and quickly walk away. I barely return to my note when I see Kat. She’s walking toward the very nurses’ station where I sit.Is she going to let me have it? Hell, I deserve it.Mesmerized by her, I watch as she takes great pains not to look in my direction.Has she moved over here to avoid me?She reaches over and grabs her phone, placing the headphones into her delicate ears. Her hair is styled in a braided updo again. This one makes me think ofThe Sound of Musicfor some reason.Lord, now I’ll end up watching that this weekend, probably with a boner.

I’m jolted into the present with the sound of her laughter. It’s louder than a giggle, but I suspect she’s unaware of her volume given the headphones she’s wearing. I wonder what she’s listening to. A third nurse approaches Kat. I don’t recall this one being present for my tirade the other day.

“Kat, could you come to triage? I have a little one who is wheezing really badly.”

She immediately jumps from her seat, no hesitation. What is it about her that has me so drawn to her every move? I’m supposed to be avoiding this place. Avoiding her.

I finish typing my note and stand. Approaching the entrance to the nurses’ station, I gaze over at her phone. Curiosity gets the better of me and I inch closer. She’s left the phone unlocked on a picture. Her friends took that selfie of the two of them making crazy faces onherphone. I laugh. My face suddenly feels odd. I realize this the first smile I’ve felt for days. Bending forward, I look toward triage and notice she’s crouched down, talking to the frightened child. Lifting one earbud to my lobe, I place it gently in my ear to hear what she’s listening to. Surprised, I recognize it immediately. “Someone to Watch Over Me,” by Amy Winehouse. Not what I was expecting. But that pretty much sums up everything about Katarina Kelly.

I chance walking over to the main physicians’ work station to ensure there are no other pending consults before I head home for the evening. As I come around the corner, I see Dr. Street and a doctor I’m unfamiliar with. “Hi, Dr. Street. It’s Nick Barnes. We met recently. I was just checking in to see if you had anything for me before I leave.”

“Yes, Dr. Barnes. I remember you,” he replies flatly. I try not to analyze his tone. He doesn’t sound as friendly as the first time I met him, but that could be due to any number of things. Not just that I screamed at one of his favorite PAs like an errant child. “This is Grayson Connor. He’s a resident with us. Do you have any orthopedic consults, Grayson?” his tone still very dry.

“No, sir. I’m good.”

“I think we’re good,” Martin sneers. Now, I know he’s angry. This is not at all the type of banter I shared with him the other day.

“Okay, thanks. I’m on the rest of the night if you need me.”Hell. I’ll never dig myself out of this hole. I walk back toward the direction I came and stop in my tracks.

“So keeping in mind everything he said the other day, if you had to pick, which one would you choose?” Jessica is leaning on the counter facing Kat. My nerves are already shot. Incensed that they’re discussing me in this way, I start walking in their direction.I have no self-control at all. I literally must have a screw loose.

“Why do I have to choose?” Kat answers, shrugging her shoulders and turning to look straight into my eyes. I know my presence has startled her by the flush now crossing her face.

“Nice,” I seethe, knowing I’m asking for trouble.Hell, Marty Street let you walk away unscathed. Why would you start trouble now when you could make a clean getaway?

I’m gobsmacked as I watch Kat stand taller, like a feline about to pounce on her prey. She storms over to me and pokes her right index finger into the center of my chest with surprising force, pushing me back a step.

“Be careful, Ms. Kelly,” I whisper, stepping into her personal space. I feel my agitation build. Agitation I can’t put a name to.I’ve already gotten myself into so much trouble here, what’s a little more?“I don’t think you can handle this,” I growl into her ear.

“Well, that’s where you’re wrong, Dr. Barnes. I don’twantto handlenice,” she hisses at me, face bright red, dark eyes thunderous. I observe her two co-workers standing quietly behind her, arms crossed over their chests in a show of solidarity. She continues defiantly, “I’d prefer naughty. And you know what? I think I know just where I can find it.”

Turning my head to watch as she marches off, I feel my heart sink into my stomach.What the fuck have I done?

Chapter Twenty-Four

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