Page 6 of Deprivation

Here we go.“You could say that. Can we talk about it later?” I groan as I toss my umbrella into the trash bin.

“I’m sorry, hon. That bad?”

“Worse. Are you and Mac doing anything after work? I could really use an evening to unload.”

“Of course. We were just going to grab a bite to eat, nothing exciting. You need me to tell him I’ll meet him later?”

“No. He can come. Paul and I broke up, and it wasn’t pretty. I can’t feel any dumber about it, so please don’t tell me ‘I told you so,’” I beg. “Honestly, it might help to get some straight talk from a guy, if you think he won’t take Paul’s side,” I state hesitantly.

“Kat, I don’t think Mac and Paul hang out much anymore.” I’d met Paul a year ago through Mac. “That’s part of the reason I keep telling you I think you can do better. Paul’s no catch on a good day, but when a guy’s friends start distancing themselves, it’s usually a red flag.” It isn’t until this moment I notice Olivia looks perfectly coiffed, makeup flawless, without a drop of rain present on her jeans and flowy top.

“Liv, how do you manage to look like a runway model when there’s a Category 4 hurricane out here?” I ask in complete disbelief.

“My dad dropped me off at the curb so I wouldn’t have to drive in this mess.” I’m starting to think Olivia stars in her own family sitcom.

Unable to imagine my father proposing such a generous offer, I saunter through the entryway doors behind Olivia and feel a shiver travel through to my bones at the contact with the store’s prominent air conditioning. Rubbing my hands up and down my arms to warm up, I head to the back of the store. Darting into the bathroom, I quickly dab at my wet hair and clothes with paper towels. This provides little improvement to my disheveled state. It’s going to be a long eight-hour shift.

* * *

“Kat, Mac said he’d be here at 6:00. Do you care where we go to eat? It doesn’t matter to me, but Mac has been painting with his dad all day so he’ll be able to eat enough for the three of us,” Olivia laughs as she opens the red container holding new products to be stocked. She pulls out a large box of condoms and reads the fine print like she’s examining a piece of jewelry. The sight of the prophylactic reminds me of my recent poor choices.

“Liv,” I whisper and wave her toward me at the pharmacy counter. I look over my shoulder and notice the pharmacist has the store phone nestled to his ear. “I need to get a doctor’s appointment. That rat bastard Paul was a cheating SOB and I hate to admit that we didn’t always use protection. Please, don’t lecture me. I was on the pill, and I just never thought he’d be a two-timing asshole,” I murmur, quietly. “I’m trying really hard not to freak out.”

“Oh, Kat. I’m not going to lecture you. You’re one of the most conservative, smart girls I know. You just don’t have any experience with dickheads,” she answers flatly. “Girl, we’re taking care of that asap,” she says, placing the jumbo pack of Trojans on the shelf in front of her.

“This is so humiliating. Please, don’t say anything to Mac about it,” I beg in total embarrassment.

“Of course not. Now, let me finish unpacking all these penis hats so I can move on to the KY jelly,” she laughs.God, I love her.

* * *

We allow Mac to choose the restaurant, as he was kind enough to tag along on this much needed therapy session. He decided on an all you can eat buffet restaurant. Loading my plate, I grab buttered yeast rolls, macaroni and cheese, and a piece of chocolate cake. Yes, the last twenty-four hours qualify for a plate of carbs with a side of, well, carbs. Sitting down with my plate, sufficient for any kindergartener, I gaze over at Olivia’s salad and groan.

With a mouth full of steak, Mac looks at me and grunts, “So Liv says you finally dumped Paul.” He takes a gulp of his water and shovels in a large serving of mashed potatoes. “Good for you, Kat. I can’t believe you dated him as long as you did,” he says with a bit of awkwardness.Is there something he’s not telling me?“That guy was trouble, Kat. I’m sorry I didn’t warn you sooner.”

“Mac? Did you know?”

“Kat, I’m really sorry. I did. But I thought he was just acting like Mr. Bigshot saying he was going to find some unsuspecting girl to ride-” Clearing his throat, he corrects, “I mean, date while his girlfriend was away at college. I figured if he really was dating some out of state college girl, she’d easily meet someone better than Paul once she got there and he wouldn’t be the playboy he made himself out to be for long.”

Talking around a mouth full of beef, he continues, “Truth be told, I stopped hanging out with him right after he met you. I started to get some bad vibes after he got fired from the restaurant he was working at. He all but admitted they caught him stealing wine from the place.”

I look up to see Olivia’s shocked expression mimics mine.

Mac, however, continues to scoop food into his mouth like a farmer troweling slop to a pig. Man, it’s a good thing he was attractive when he wasn’t eating. I don’t know how Liv would’ve found him appealing otherwise.

“Holy crap. I can’t believe I dated this guy for so long and didn’t realize what a class A loser he was. Am I this bad at reading people?” I moan.I’m never dating again if I can’t read men better than this.

“Don’t beat yourself up,” Liv cajoles. “I wouldn’t have thought he could be that bad. I just didn’t think he was good-looking, and he seemed like a mooch. Try to look at the bright side, Kit Kat. At least you got a few good orgasms out of the guy.” She laughs and takes another bite of her sad-looking salad. There aren’t even any croutons on there.

I glance up to see her staring back at me questioningly.

“Oh, Kat. Please tell me the fucker at least gave you a few good orgasms? A few pitiful orgasms? One?” She looks on in horror.

Leaning back into my seat with my elbows pressed firmly into my sides, I slowly shake my head, again embracing the indignation that is my life. I can’t believe I’m admitting this, not only to Olivia but also to Mac. It was evident early on in my relationship with Paul that sex was expected if our liaison was to continue. I wish I could say I wanted to save myself for Mr. Right, but in my experience, I was going to have to settle for Mr. Right Now. No one else was coming. The world had taught me, so far at least, that the boys I was attracted to were out of my league.

I was about to start my senior year in high school when I met Paul and hadn’t had even one date. I didn’t have a large pool of friends who could introduce me to their brothers.Heck, my parents barely knew or cared when I was home.Having Paul show interest was more than I’d experienced in my eighteen years and if I had to lose my V card to keep it going, well, I’d offer it up in spades. The girls at school I overheard talking about sex made it sound as if the stuff of romance novels wasn’t too far off base. Yet my sexual encounters were far from book worthy. Sex with Paul felt like a one-sided transaction. You know, like when you dig through your purse to find enough change for soda or a snack, drop the coins in the vending machine and wait on the sugary confection to fall into the slot,and nothing. But hey, how was I to know it wasn’t me that wasn’t closing the deal? He’d always finished and hadn’t complained. So I assumed he was happy. Well, until Stacy arrived on the scene.

“It’s not that big a deal, Liv. You were right. I could’ve done better. At least I’m not pining for the hot sex weweren’thaving,” I say, frowning. “It was just nice to have a guy seem interested,” I whisper, breaking eye contact with her. “And I was tired of being alone.”

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