Page 67 of Deprivation

I immediately look through my phone. I need to call Barbie… I mean, Delilah. I hope Dr. Miller can take emergency therapy sessions because I honestly think I’m off of my rocker.

* * *

“Thank you so much for fitting me in, Dr. Miller. I’m feeling really out of sorts and needed to get some perspective on all of this before I make myself crazy… well, crazier,” I blurt.

“I’m glad I could accommodate you today, Kat. What seems to be the issue?” He smiles toward me. Okay, I know I’m losing it because his smile is having no effect on me today. “I think I told you on my last visit that my sleep had improved with the use of a sleep aid, but I was having rather steamy dreams instead of the night terrors I once had.”

“Yes,” he smiles again, “I remember.”

“Well, they aren’t all sexual, but they are all odd. In some, I’m having sex, always consensual, sometimes, I’m in a strange place with someone who appears to be Tarzan, and other times I’ve been center stage at a strip club. Once, I beat down old boyfriends with a whip and another time, I thought I saw people I knew in the crowd when I danced.”

“Those do sound quite different than the terrors you previously experienced,” he acknowledges.

“Well, the visions themselves are disturbing enough, but I’m waking up wearing different clothes than the ones I wore to bed. And once the shower was wet like I got up in the middle of the night to bathe, and I just couldn’t recall doing it.” I shake my head. “I’m a rational person, most of the time. But this is starting to freak me out a little.”

I look to him as he appears to digest all of what I’ve told him.

Unable to tolerate the silence, I go on. “I’ve been thinking a lot more about someone I work with. I’m a bit embarrassed to admit, that includes thoughts of a sexual nature. There’s been some flirting in person, but we aren’t in a relationship and don’t foresee one happening between us. Neither of us is looking for a committed relationship and certainly not with someone we work with. But these dreams started happening about the time I admitted to myself I was attracted to him.” I stop to take a cleansing breath. “I haven’t had sex in almost four years. Do you think this could be triggering any of this? My newly kindled desire to be with him?” I ask hopefully. I honestly don’t want this to be related to the sleep aid, as I’ve at least gotten a good night’s sleep since using it.

“I think that’s possible, Kat. But you might need to dig a little deeper into what you’re finding in the mornings. I mean, waking up in different clothes and showering without recollection of the event is a little concerning. Have you ever had issues with sleep walking in the past?”

“No,” I reply quickly. “But it’s hard to sleep walk when you barely sleep,” I huff.

“Well, I’d try a few things in order to figure this out. Your safety is paramount here. First, are you mixing the sleeping pill with any other medication which could be causing untoward effects?”

“No. The prescription zolpidem is all I take, except an occasional Tylenol for a headache,” I reply confidently, then stop. “But in the beginning, I was good about not drinking while taking it, and I admit I’ve been having a glass of wine many nights I’ve used the sleeping pill.”

“Well, I’d suggest abstaining from alcohol for the time being. At least until you can figure this out. If that doesn’t work, I’d try stopping the sleeping pill for a while and see if the odd behaviors cease. If they do, you have your answer.”

He has a point. My night terrors might return, and I might not get much sleep, but at least I won’t have to wonder what on Earth I was doing in the middle of the night.Good Lord.

“If it turns out it’s related to your attraction to your co-worker, well…”

“Well, what?”

“I’m not sure how professional this is,” he states looking concerned.

Holy heck, what’s he trying to say. “Just say it. I came to you for help, I can handle it.”

“Well, if you have sex and the odd behaviors go away, then that could be your answer. But I’d start with avoiding alcohol and limiting your zolpidem frequency,” he quickly adds.

Yeah, that would work.Hey Nick. Any chance you could fuck me so I can see if I stop waking up in thigh highs and no underwear?Although, considering the texts I read from him last night he might be up for it.

* * *

Heading in to work, I’m relieved it’s a short shift tonight. Eve, one of the other PAs, has plans this evening and asked if I could pick up the second half of her shift. I can handle almost anything for four hours, so the stress is minimal as I walk in.

“Hi, Eve. Do you have any patients you need to sign out to me?” I ask, hoping she can get out on time to attend her function.

“No, I only have one left, and Marty said he’d discharge her. But thanks again for coming in for me, Kat. I really appreciate it.”

“Sure. I’m happy to do it. Tell your brothers I said hi.” Eve is the younger sister to Tate and Tanner Manning, twin police officers whom I’ve known for many years.

“I don’t see much of them lately, but if I do, I will pass it along. Bye, Kat.” Eve waves as she almost sprints to the lockers. Boy, those must be some really good plans she has.

Heading back to the ER with a cup of tea, I look at my watch. Only about an hour left to go. Hasn’t been a bad shift at all. As I turn the corner into the breezeway, I note a familiar form. Looking up with a devilish smile, Dr. Nick Barnes sits in wait.Oh, God. Am I going to have to hash out these texts with him now?I’m going to say as little as possible about it and drop it. I’m still not completely over what happened between us, forgive me text or not.

“Hi,” he greets.

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