Page 8 of Deprivation

“Yep, that’s the one. He’s a most unpleasant chap,” I tease in a terrible attempt at an English accent.

“I didn’t see nothing unpleasant about that man,” Marty chortles with his usual campy flourish. “I wouldn’t kick him out of bed for eating crackers, honey.”

“Oh, god,” I groan. “Just because he’s hot, that doesn’t give him free rein to act like a douche canoe.”

“Well, I don’t know what team he plays for, but I could try to teach him some better bedside manner.” Marty taps his index finger against his chin, a wicked smile across his face.

“Marty, I hate to bust your bubble, but I’venevermet anyone who batted for your team who acted that terminally constipated. He’s got to be as straight as an arrow,” I laugh. “Can I still go get a cup of coffee? Something tells me I’m going to need several today working with you two clowns.”

“What’s the matter, Kat, didn’t sleep well again?” Jake gibes.

“Yeah, shocker. Kat only got three hours of sleep. Alert the presses,” I groan. “I have calling the therapist on the top of my to-do list, Jake,” I say as I walk backward, trying to make a clean getaway to finally locate a caffeinated beverage. “But if I can’t see anyone in the next few weeks, I may take you up on your offer. I’m so done trying to live like this.”

Jake smiles. “You know where to find me.”

A few moments later, completely entranced by the smell of Columbian Roast wafting from my cup, I almost plow into Dr. Barnes, orDr. G. Nicholas Barnes, MDas it says on the left breast pocket of his lab coat.How does this man keep interrupting my happy today?

“Probably helps if you’re looking where you’re going instead of staring into your cup. I could’ve gotten second degree burns if I hadn’t been paying attention,” he remarks with a pinched, tension filled expression.Is this guy for real?

I slowly raise my chin meeting his glare with my own look of disdain. “Nice,” I remark, knowing he’ll understand the intent. Stalking away from the ostentatious ass who’s made it his mission in life to piss me off, I head back to the ER. I don’t care how hot he is or how good he smells; I’m not letting this guy wreck my day. If my mother can’t do it, I’m certainly not letting him.

What the heck is wrong with him? I haven’t done anything to warrant his continued contempt. Does he treat all women this way, or is it just me? Well, at least I won’t get suckered into a bad relationship with this one. No getting involved to find out later he’s a dick. He’s made his behavior clear from the get go.

* * *

Nurse Meghan and I bend over the patient lying on the gurney in room seven, peering at a fish hook embedded in his backside. The patient’s lying face down, pants pulled down to his knees, bare, wrinkly ass exposed for all to see. Two of the three hooks of the treble fish hook are implanted into his left gluteus.

“How, pray tell, did this fish hook become impaled in your backside, sir?” Meghan tries to ask with a straight face, failing miserably.

“I bent over to get something out of my tackle box about the time the guy up the dock decided to cast his line,” he says without embarrassment. He chuckles, “I guess he caught the big one.”

“Has this ever happened to you before?” I ask, amazed at his nonchalance.

“Oh, hell, I’m seventy-one years old and been fishing for over sixty years. I’ve had fish hooks stuck near about everywhere,” he replies. “Just the risk you take when you fish around other folks,” he laughs again. “Nah, now that I think about it, I think the time I got a fish hook stuck in the other side of my ass, it was my own doin’. Just sat down on the damn thing without looking first. I could barely sit for a week.”

“All right, buddy, this isn’t anything new for you, then. I’m going to go get some medicine to numb the spots where the hooks are embedded and try to get them out as gently as I can,” I reassure him.

“Well, just be careful. I’m a butt double for Samuel L. Jackson, so don’t go messing up my gig.”

Walking away to grab my supplies, I notice someone has placed their lab coat on the chair next to mine. I immediately feel a sense of foreboding and decide to take my time with this procedure and delay coming back here for as long as possible, just in case that lab coat belongs to you know who. I really don’t need another run in with him today. Scanning my badge to gain access to the supply room, I gather my laceration tray, saline, gloves, and a scalpel. Meghan should have the rest of the items I need. As I turn to exit, Jake walks into the supply room.

“Hey, Jake. Can you write me that prescription for the sleep aid after all? I don’t want many, just to try, like seven or eight, to see if it’ll help. I can’t get in to see that therapist for almost a month. He comes highly recommended, so I made the appointment, but I just don’t want to wait that long to see if it helps. I need sleep like you have no idea,” I groan.

“Oh, I know exactly what you mean. That’s why I started taking them. I can’t keep up with Melanie and the kids on no sleep. I’ll catch you before you leave for the day,” he says and turns to leave. I turn toward the door and head off to my fish hook expedition.

* * *

An hour later, I’ve removed the two impaled prongs from Mr. Robinson’s backside and predict minimal scarring. His butt double career will live on. I’ve seen three additional patients and now need to stop briefly to type a few discharge papers. Two of the patients I evaluated belonged to Jake, but he’s been tied up trying to stabilize a patient whose blood pressure is going downhill fast. As I sit down at my computer, I notice the lab coat is gone.Whew, dodged that bullet.

“I love you, Kat!” I hear Jake yell to me as he walks swiftly by. I’m sure the nurses have told him I’ve taken care of his waiting patients. I never mind helping him, knowing he’d do the same for me. As I start to type Mr. Robinson’s papers, I notice movement in my periphery.Holy heck, he’s back.Doesn’t he have an office?Just focus on the computer in front of you, Kat. Ignore the surly guy in the corner.God, he smells good, though. What is that, aftershave? Cologne? How’s a girl supposed to ignore that? I type as fast as my fingers will let me, so I can retrieve my patients’ discharge paperwork and not come back to this area until he’s made his permanent exit. I hear him clear his throat but continue to focus on the computer screen.

“Hey, Kit Kat,” a familiar voice croons. Looking up, I see Jeff, one of my favorite radiology technicians standing behind Dr. Barnes with a pretty brunette beside him. “Have you met Isabella? She’s a student with us for a while.”

Standing, I reach out to the petite, timid beauty. She appears to be in her mid-thirties, which is older than most of the students who’ve worked with us in the past. “Hi. It’s nice to meet you. You’re training with one of the best. If there’s anything I can help you with, please feel free to ask,” I attempt to reassure her.

“Kat is one of our favorites,” Jeff whispers into her ear, loud enough basically anyone in a ten-foot range can hear. “Even if it isn’t her patient, she’ll help you,” he says with a smile. He reaches into his pocket and places a wrapped chocolate by my keyboard.

“Thanks, candy man,” I grin, quickly unwrapping the foiled treat and popping it into my mouth, letting a small groan of appreciation escape my lips. My focus returns to the computer screen, and I wrap up the last of the three discharged patients. Standing to collect the paperwork from the printer, my gaze accidentally lands on Dr. Barnes.

---