Page 35 of Fractured

I turn, sitting at the edge of the bed, and again stretch my well-used body.At least I know why I’m waking naked this time,I giggle to myself. I dart into the bathroom to grab my robe and walk toward the kitchen.Hmm? No one here. I pick up the coffee pot, confirming it’s empty. I return to the bedroom and sit down. Suddenly, a feeling of déjà vu takes over.Holy crap, was this another dream?It felt so real. I start looking about the room for any sign he might’ve been here. Nanny cam! I think to myself and push myself up from the edge of the bed just as I notice something on the floor.

Bending down, I reach for the item tucked between the bed and the nightstand. Bringing it to my face, I realize it’s a condom wrapper. I open the bedside table and take in the sight of the open box of condoms. He was here. As the relief washes over me, it’s quickly replaced with rage.

He was here and left. Got what he wanted and left. No kiss goodbye. Not even a note. Just like all the rest.

Chapter Ten

Kat

I stomp around my house, irritated by my mood swings. I vacillate between outrage and hope. It’s denial, disguised as hope. I can’t believe I fell for this. Again. I should’ve stuck with my gut. Between the Mr. Hollywood, ‘I’m too good for you’ first impression, the rude way he treated me at work, and then all of the flirty innuendo, it was all a trap.

I’m not going to wallow in this. I knew going into it, things could end up this way. Every man I’ve ever dated has treated me like a doormat. Why should he be different? And we didn’t even date! He got what he wanted and didn’t even have to take me to dinner. Of course, I’m not sure that makes him sound as bad as it does me.

Walking to my kitchen, I put the kettle back on the stove. The hot shower did nothing to improve my mood. I haven’t had an appetite after awakening to find Nick gone but know I should eat something. Placing two slices of bread in the toaster, I trudge over to the couch to await the teapot’s whistle. As I wrap my steel gray throw about my shoulders, I pull my knees up to my chest and let out a heavy sigh.Couldn’t, just once, things turn out differently? Am I that unworthy of someone who really cares for me?I feel a tear tumble down my cheek.Stop it, Katarina. He’s not worth one of your tears.I need to focus on the positive. I finally had amazing sex after a four-year drought. I got my first orgasm delivered by another person.You aren’t broken. It is possible to enjoy amazing sex with someone. Lesson learned. No need to repeat it. At least not with him.

As the teapot calls to me, I stand and return to the kitchen. Pouring the water into a mug that saysSanta’s favorite Ho, a gift from Melanie, I hold the steamy liquid under my face and inhale. This feels like brainwash. I’m trying to convince myself I got what I wanted, and I’m not the least bit affected by his running out on me. But if brainwash is what it takes, that’s what I’m going to do. I’m allowing myself one day to grieve. I have the day off. I’ll get any remaining self-pity out of the way before I return to work. I refuse to let him see how this is hurting me. I’m going to be the bigger person in this scenario and do my job and leave all personal issues at home.

Returning to my couch, I sit with my tea and stretch out my legs. It’s then I notice my shoes. My mind returns to sitting here, watching as he gingerly removed my strappy shoe and slowly traveled his strong hand up the back of my leg. I was so wound up by that point, having his fingers tease the opening of my shorts was more than I could handle. That taught string snapped, and I was begging him to take me. And take me he did. I didn’t have any idea sex could be like that. I’m sure someone like him is well-practiced. I don’t even want to contemplate how many women he’s seduced before me.

Taking another sip, my mind ricochets. I consider the possible reasons for his disappearing act. Maybe he got called into work. Perhaps he got an urgent text from his dad. He said he was going to see him with his ‘little brother’ that day at the soccer field. They must be close. Maybe he and his ‘little brother’ had early morning plans. Maybe he had car trouble.Heck, Kat, maybe he got abducted by aliens. Use your head, you’re a one and done. Face it. This isn’t your first rodeo.

My heart hurts. I admit it. I really wanted him to be different. I think briefly about how Jake, Melanie, and Olivia all encouraged me to open my heart and try again. How I was so eager to get it right this time, I dropped my guard and literally let my hair down. But I don’t want them to take the blame after seeing I was hurt by this. I don’t want to see any more faces full of sympathy for poor Katarina. If Jake or Melanie ask, I’ll confirm we had a great night, but that’s all it’ll be.I’ll tell them I was just using him for sex.I have bigger fish to fry with my pending Rohypnol test, continued questions about whether I’ve been sleepwalking, and now texts from unknown numbers. I don’t need to waste any more time or energy on that superficial surgeon. But today, I admit, I may still need to cry a few more times.

Nick

Sitting at my kitchen island, I look down into my coffee cup. Where do I go from here? I’d raced home when I saw the time and realized I could be called into work at any moment. I’m a professional. There’s no way I could arrive at work wearing a Halloween costume, soccer uniform, or not. What’s more, I smelled like I just left a porn shoot.Fuck, that was the hottest night of my life. It made me sad to shower. Like washing away any remaining evidence the incredible night had actually happened. At least she should remember this one. But is that good or bad?

I drove home in a panic, first at forgetting to set an alarm and allowing myself to compromise my work but later at compromising my heart. I’d made a promise to myself a long time ago. I was never going to be hurt by someone like my father was. I married Sophia, knowing there wasn’t the insane love between us my parents shared. It was disruptive to my pride and my bank account when we divorced, but I could handle it. But looking back at that sleeping angel in her bed this morning, there was no ignoring the way my heart was feeling. This girl is different. I knew it then, and I know it now. This isn’t the after-effects of a night of ravenous sex. I’m falling hard for this beautiful girl, and if I let myself get in any deeper, it could be catastrophic when it ends.

Walking to the counter, I pick up my phone from where it’s charging. I had let the battery run dead last night, distracted by all things Katarina. It’s a good thing I woke with the sun or no telling what fall out there might’ve been with my job. I’ve never been so careless. I’m just getting established at St. Luke’s. I don’t need a reputation for being a doctor that doesn’t return calls or take his job seriously. I admit, this is what triggered my panic, but the more I thought about Kat, the worse it got.

I don’t know if I can do this. Risk everything for someone who could simply walk away. We’re already on such shaky ground, and she could crush me. Plus, she has some serious issues to work out. Do I really need to take that on? I’m just recovering from a messy divorce. Should I intentionally enter into a relationship with someone who can’t even remember having sex with me? After the amazing night we had together, I’m choosing to believe it’s the sleeping pill and not a lackluster performance on my part that had her forgetting it happened.Fuck. She’ll surely leave once she realizes I knew she had no memory of that night, and I didn’t tell her. That I knew it and slept with her again anyway.I hate liars, and I’ve become one. Withholding the truth is the same thing as lying, and I need to come clean with her. As I consider this, the feelings of panic begin to reemerge.

Looking down at my phone, I note there are no missed calls, no texts. This girl is as cool as a cucumber. She’s probably unphased by my leaving and just basking in the afterglow of the amazing sex. She’s already made it clear she isn’t looking for anything right now, and I pursued her anyway. It was just a hot night between two consenting adults. But it wasn’t just a hot night. It wasthehottest night of my life. I never knew it could be that good. Is it because I’m falling for her? Yet, the sex behind the club was just as amazing, and I had guarded my feelings at that point. It’s got to be her. But if I willingly go back for more, I’m asking for trouble. Because when she leaves, it’ll break me.

* * *

I head for the door, grabbing my car keys. I’m picking up Gavin to take him back to my dad’s. Last weekend went well, and he didn’t tear down the house with the riding mower, so I suspect he’ll do fine today in my absence. Dad will look out for him, and I’ll come back around dinner as I can’t risk taking a call and not being able to get to the hospital promptly. Besides, I think it could be good for Gavin and my dad to bond. It didn’t sound like he’s ever had the influence of a grandparent in his life.

Driving down the road, I can’t help but check my phone again. Nope. Still no calls or texts. But this is a good thing, right? I need to distance myself from Kat, so I have better control over this situation. Pulling into Gavin’s apartment complex, I notice he’s standing at the curb talking to another boy with a basketball under his arm. As I put the car in park, the two appear to shake hands until I notice the other teen sliding something into Gavin’s hand as they shake.Is this kid buying or selling drugs?

The car door opens, and he plops into the seat. I look to see if the object in question is still in his hand as I greet him.

“Hey, Gav, ready to get to work?”

“Yeah, sure,” he replies coolly.

I see the item is still there, so I take a chance. “What you got there?”

Gavin turns to me, looking as if he’s been busted. “What do you mean?”

“I saw your friend hand something off to you. Just wondering what you’ve got. No big deal.” I try to shrug it off but am worried I’m going to have to go all ‘big brother’ on him if there is something seedy going on.

“If it’s no big deal, why’re you asking?” Gavin tosses back, seeming annoyed.

“Forget it then. Just making small talk.” I watch as he places the item in his nylon basketball shorts and looks out of the window. I decide not to push it. I’ve got enough angst brewing today, and what’s more, I don’t want to open this can of worms, and then he’s at my dad’s house, stewing about it. “You have much homework this weekend?”

Gavin looks back down at his hands and mumbles, “Not too bad. I usually knock it out on Friday.”

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