Page 49 of Fractured

“I know, kitten,” I say, smiling into the phone.

“I’m sorry. You just have me a bit worried. I thought we’d talked everything out, and we were good. So, your text made me a little nervous.”

As it should, I guess. “Yeah, I’m sorry. Where are you?”

“I just got to the train station. I’m heading home. Are you okay? Is your dad okay?”

“Yes. We’re fine. I’m sorry to worry you.” I pause, trying to find a way to make her less fearful. Unable to come up with anything, I continue. “Kat, I know it’s late, but can I come over? I won’t stay long. There’s something I need to tell you, and I don’t want to wait. But it needs to be in person.”

“Um, okay. Sure. I should be home in about twenty minutes.”

“Okay, see you then.”

I hang up the phone and know I’ve probably worried her. I shouldn’t doddle, as she’ll most likely grow more anxious the longer she frets about this. I grab my keys and head toward the car.Please, Lord, give me the right words to say to her tonight.

* * *

“Hi.” Katarina greets me with a concerned expression, hair up in a high ponytail, wearing jeans and a gray sweatshirt bearing the logo of her medical school. Her shoes are off, and I can see bare feet and hot pink nail polish on her toes. God, even her toes are adorable.

“Hi.” I step into her foyer and grab her for a hug. I need to comfort her as much as myself right now. Giving her a light peck on the cheek, I take her hand. “Can we sit down?”

“Sure.” She looks up at me, eyes wide. “Nick, you’re scaring me a little.”

I grab her to me again and whisper in her ear, “I’m sorry, kitten. I don’t want to scare you.” Placing another kiss on her scalp, I pull her toward the couch, so I don’t get distracted by her pained expression. I sit down, trying not to crowd her or sit close enough where I’ll want to touch her while we’re talking. I realize she may need space to fully digest what I’m telling her once I drop this bomb on her. I’m going to watch her closely and follow her lead on this. Taking a deep, calming breath, I decide I need to simply dive in. There’s no other way.

“Kat. First, I need you to know how much I care for you. I can’t stand anyone who lies or hides things, and I don’t ever want to have a relationship with you where we can’t be open and honest with one another.” I look to her to make sure she agrees with me before I press on.

“I feel the same way,” she responds cautiously.

“I need to come clean about something.” I watch as she pulls back from me a bit, wrapping her arms around her chest. “There are no other women or anything. I’d never ever do that to you. I meant it when I said you’ve been the only woman I could think about.” I notice she relaxes a bit.

Taking another inhalation, I continue. “I thought the first time we were intimate, you were just a real cool customer. That sex was pretty casual for you.” I watch as a look of consternation appears. “But when we had sex after the Halloween party, and you said it’d been a long time, I was confused.”Great, man, try to prevent being a liar by being a liar. You knew full well what the score was.“Because we’d already been together. Behind that club. Up against that tree.”

I stop and take her in. Her face going pale. Her hands starting to tremble. She appears to be in shock.

“Kat?”

“I don’t understand.”

“Please, baby. Try not to get upset. I’m here, and we’re going to figure this out.” I pause for a moment, trying to think of the right words to say. “Jake mentioned in passing one day in the physicians’ lounge that you’ve had a long history of poor sleep, just as he has. He mentioned he’d given you some zolpidem. I didn’t think much of it at the time, but later in a conversation, he brought up how he’d done someweird shit,” I use my fingers to make quotes around the ‘weird shit,’ “on sleeping pills, and I laughed it off.” I watch as she sits a little taller now, her concerned facial expression demonstrating her thoughts.

“Kat, I brought up that night a time or two, and there was no recollection on your part. Once, you actually seemed shocked when I mentioned it. I started to wonder if, instead of being a forgettable lover that night, you might’ve had memory issues related to using a sleep aid. Like Jake did. The night at your house, when you said it had been a while… well, I was pretty sure that confirmed it.”

I hesitate, allowing this information to sink in before moving on. By the look on her face, her mind is reeling right now. “Kitten. That night, against the tree… that was the hottest, most incredible night I’ve ever had. I couldn’t stop thinking about it. I was so disappointed when I saw you again, and you weren’t swimming in the same afterglow. I didn’t know you well and thought, maybe that’s just how you roll. I didn’t want to seem like a clingy stalker, so I didn’t bring it up. But I couldn’t forget it. I’ll never forget it.”

“Please. Stop!” I look up from my reverie and see tears are pouring down her beautiful face. I try to reach for her, and she swiftly jerks back.

“Kat. I don’t want to hurt you. Honestly. I want to help.”

“Well, stop telling me about how you’ll never forget a night I can’t remember. That this crazy chick you fucked against a tree can’t even remember being there!” she practically shouts, burying her head in her hands.

Fuck.I only wanted her to know how special it was. But this poor girl is wrapped in her own turmoil right now. “I’m sorry. I know this has to be incredibly hard for you. Kat, I don’t want you to take that stuff anymore… the zolpidem. I’m sure it’s causing you to do things you wouldn’t otherwise. I only mentioned how much that night meant because I don’t want you to have any regrets about something you had no control over.” I can’t take it anymore. I have to touch her. Grabbing her shaking hands in mine, I continue. “We’re going to figure this out. We’ve got this.”

I watch as she shakes in front of me.God, what do I do?“Kat, what can I do? Tell me. I’ll do anything to help.”

“So, you knew this on Halloween night? When I said to go slow… that it’d been a while for me?”

“Yes.”

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