Page 50 of Fractured

“But you didn’t say anything.”

“I wasn’t sure what to say. I was still trying to figure it all out.” The guilt is now boring a hole in the pit of my stomach.That’s it, lies on top of lies, Nick.

“Had you figured it out when you came to DC?” Her eyes flash up to me as if she’s questioning someone on the witness stand. I can feel my heart rate pick up again.Don’t be a liar, Nick. Just say it.

“Yes.” I gulp in more air. “Yes. I’d figured it out by then.” I watch as she again covers her sweet, tear-filled face with her hands. My eyes are drawn to that same pink polish painted on her fingernails. “But I was more concerned with getting you to hear me out. It wasn’t the right time to bring it up.”

I watch as she starts to open her mouth in retaliation, and I hold up my hand abruptly. “Kat, before you say anything. I admit I should’ve told you before. I was so caught up in my own grief at losing you, I chose to attempt to repair any chance at a future we had before telling you. I wanted you to see you could trust me. To believe what I was saying was true. Fuck, Kat, I’d give anything if I didn’t have to tell you this. I needed to find the right time to say it.”

I pause momentarily, hoping she’ll drop her defenses and give me a chance. “If you want me to get down on my knees and apologize for sleeping with you again before I told you what I thought was happening, I will. But I won’t take back that night with you. We needed to be together. I needed to focus on you and be clear about how I felt about you. I needed you to see how much you mean to me. It wasn’t anything underhanded. And it was magnificent. I’ve never made love to anyone like that before. Only with you.”

I continue to watch as she takes everything in. “Please don’t push me away. I know this is a lot to contend with. I’m here. I’m not going anywhere. It might help to talk to Jake about this too. I think both of you should put that stuff away and not look back. It’s too risky.”

We both sit silently, me watching her like a hawk, her staring at her hands. This seems to go on for an eternity.

“Nick.” She sniffles, wiping away her tears with her sleeve. “I appreciate you telling me this. Really. I know this wasn’t easy. I wouldn’t trade what we’ve had together either. I only wish I could remember the first time…” She wipes at her eyes with the back of her hand, a strangled sob escaping her. “I’ve started to suspect the zolpidem was the culprit for a while now. I stopped taking those pills weeks ago. But I’m concerned this isn’t just a memory thing.”

I look up at her, not wanting to interrupt but trying to understand what she means.

“I thought I was having weird dreams. I’d have visions of things occurring in my sleep but would sometimes wake up feeling like they’d really happened. The images were so vivid. Other times I’d wake up wearing clothes I had on in my dreams.” She pauses to recover her face with her hands. My heart breaking at the sight of her. Her body continues to shake as she weeps. “Now I don’t know how much of what was happening was in my mind and how much was real.”

I can’t sit back anymore. I grab her into my arms and hold her tight. Her body wracked with sobs. Rubbing my hand up and down her back, I try to comfort her. Holding her for what seems like hours, my heart cracks a little more the longer I sit with her. Slowly, the sobs become whimpers. The whimpers become sniffles.

“Nick?”

“Yeah, baby?”

“I appreciate you being brave enough to tell me. I know this wasn’t easy.”

Kissing her hair, I keep holding her. I need her to know there’s no judgment. That this doesn’t change anything between us.

“Please don’t be upset. But I think I’m going to need some time to figure this out. I have a counselor I’ve started working with. I’ll call him tomorrow.”

I pull back and look directly into her eyes. “Good. I’m glad. And I understand. Take whatever time you need. Just don’t push me away, okay? I’m not going anywhere. I’m here, whenever you need me.”

She nods back to me, and I place a small kiss on her cheek. I hate the thought of leaving her. “Are you sure you’re going to be okay?” I ask as I stand. She offers a small nod, and I have to take her at her word.

As I walk out her doorway into the cool night air, I carry the added weight of my own fear. Fear that she’ll let this take her down and won’t let me in to help fix it. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt, this woman means more than anyone I’ve ever encountered. If she needs time, I’ll give it to her. I just hope this doesn’t break both of us.

Chapter Seventeen

Nick

Thanksgiving morning has arrived, and I awake struggling with my feelings. It’s been four days since I saw Kat. I’ve sent short texts letting her know she’s in my thoughts, but otherwise, she’s been fairly silent. She did say she’d be working Thanksgiving. She seems at home in the ER. Maybe that’s the best place for her today. Hopefully, one day, we can get past all of this drama, and I can learn a little more about her. Like her family. Are they in the picture at all? How does she normally do holidays?

Getting up, I contemplate my day. I invited Gavin and his mother to join Dad and me for a Thanksgiving meal. Dad loves to cook, and he and Gavin have really bonded. Gavin’s mother will be the unknown in this situation.

I trudge down the stairs to greet my coffee which I could smell brewing from the second floor. Thank goodness I set the timer last night. There’s something to be grateful for. Sophia never claimed ownership of the Cadillac coffee brewing station. It’s been my faithful companion in this now bachelor pad, and I wouldn’t want to face a day without it. I pour the fragrant java into my mug and head back to my room to shower.

I pre-ordered and picked up everything my dad said he needed from the grocery store to bring with me. I’ll head to Dad’s and help get things started after I’ve showered and dressed. Gavin and his mother won’t be expecting me until noon.

* * *

“Hey, Dad. I’ve got the groceries. I grabbed the turkey first so we could get it in the oven.”

“Hey, Nick. Happy Thanksgiving, son.” I notice a slight wince on his face as he comes in my direction.

“How’s the pain, Dad? Do you think you’re up to this today? Thanksgiving isn’t like the old days. We could just go out to eat if your pelvis hurts.”

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