Page 75 of Fractured

I hear him leave, the door shutting behind him, and the dam breaks. My tears pour endlessly. The hollow feeling in my chest matches that of my pelvis. My body has betrayed me just as all the men in my life have. All but one. Listening to him speak to me, I could feel the genuine caring in his voice. Just as he has shown me time and time again. But he deserves much better than the likes of this broken girl. Every part of my world is fractured. My mind, my spirit, my heart, and now my womb. I wonder what I did in a past life to deserve all of this. But right now, I don’t have the energy to think about it anymore. I close my eyes, trying to sleep through the tears.

Chapter Twenty-Four

Kat

I wake to find several multicolored vases of flowers scattered about my room. Sitting up a bit, I take them in. But no one but Jake knows I’m here. Oh, and Nick. As this reality returns, my focus becomes clearer, and I notice my sister, Rachel, sitting in the teal vinyl chair in the corner of the room.

“Rach?” My voice feels hoarse.

“Hi, Kat.”

Confused as to how she knew I was here, I look at her in question.

“Jake called Mom and Dad and they called me. Mom just stepped out for a minute. Is it okay that I’m here?”

“Sure, Rach. It’s okay,” I answer, feeling completely devoid of feeling, drained from all of my crying.

“Kat, you can’t handle everything alone.” I watch as she stands and comes to sit on the side of my bed. Reaching out, she strokes my hair. Tears immediately begin to fall again.Uh, when will I be empty again?I realize the tears aren’t just for my current situation, but her affection. I honestly cannot recall the last time she touched me. Our family isn’t made that way.

I hear what sounds like a sniffle, and I look up at her angelic face. “Kat, I’m so sorry.” She starts to cry a little harder now. “You never let me in, so I don’t know why after all of these years, you don’t have a man. You’re so beautiful and smart and funny. I just figured you were so career-driven you didn’t have time for men.”

I wipe my tears, wanting to tell her the truth, but the words just won’t come.

“Trust me. The whole marriage and kids thing, it’s not what it’s cracked up to be. I mean, I love Jenna and Luke but…”

My tears start to slow, and I watch her, unsure I understand what she’s trying to tell me. Maybe this is just her awkward way of trying to empathize with me.

“Kat, I’ve been jealous of you for so long. You are so smart and so driven.”

What? Am I still under the influence of heavy painkillers?How on Earth could this gorgeous girl who’s had everything she’s ever wanted be jealous of me?

“I know I should’ve told you a long time ago. My grades were a struggle. I had to charm friends to tutor me. My marks were okay, but it was hard for me. In hindsight, I should’ve asked for help. I really wanted to go to college. But I decided to just accept I wasn’t meant to be an academic. I traded that dream for a family. I love kids and always wanted my own, so I started a little sooner than I planned.” I watch as she shrugs her shoulders like she’s trying to convince herself and me that what she’s saying is true.

“Rach? What did you want to go to college to study?”

She looks at me, stunned. Like no one’s ever dared ask her before. “I wanted to be a teacher. Not like high school science or anything. But a kindergarten teacher. I wanted to help the little ones who were just leaving home to learn the basics. It’s dumb. I’ve got a good life. I’m only telling you this because you need to know how much I’ve admired you all of these years. For following your dreams. I’m so proud of you.”

Cue the waterworks. I barely have a chance to reply, when the door opens, and my mother strolls in carrying another large vase of flowers. She walks over to the windowsill, deciding where to place them. After she finds the perfect spot for her vibrant wildflowers, she steps to the left and bends to inhale the pale pink roses sitting beside her vase.

“Who’s Nick?”

I look up to see my mother and Rachel watching me in anticipation.

“Um, he’s… he’s someone I’ve been seeing.”

“Really?” Rachel suddenly claps her hands and looks at me with optimism.

“It’s not like that. We’ve only been seeing each other for a little while. It’s nothing serious.”

“Well, he has excellent taste in flowers,” Mom says.

“Mom, he probably got his secretary to order them. You know how men are.”

Rachel stands from her spot on the bed and states, “I need a cup of coffee. I’m going to run to the cafeteria. I’ll be back in a bit. Can I get you anything, Kat?”

“No. I don’t have much of an appetite. Thanks, though.”

I watch Rachel grab her purse and head out the door as I try to adjust the oversized hospital gown I’m tangled in. My mother comes over to the bed and helps me adjust my sheets so I can lift myself to the edge of the bed for a minute. “I’m just going to use the restroom and wash my face,” I tell her. She immediately comes to my side to help me up. This feels so strange. I can’t remember her helping me with anything, even as a child. She was always so focused on Rachel.

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