Page 76 of Fractured

Returning to the bed, I watch as she rushes back over to my side. I sit back down into the bed, and she covers me with the sheets. Sitting by my side, she grabs my hand and softly strokes it with her thumb.

“You okay, Katarina?”Heck, I was ’til you held my hand and asked me that.I can feel the tears start to well in my lids.

“I don’t know. I’m okay if I don’t think about it too much.” And there they go, tumbling down my cheeks again. “Mom? Who’s ever going to want me now?” I’ve moved on to full-blown sobs now.

Suddenly, my mouth drops open as I watch my mother climb onto the bed with me, pulling me into her side. She wraps her arms around me and gently rubs my back. Am I having a stroke?

“I don’t know why this happened, Kat. I don’t understand why some peoples’ lives turn out the way they do, and others have to struggle.” I can feel her hand move up to stroke my hair now. “From the day you were born, you seemed to be the most independent little girl. Not in a bad way. You never threw temper tantrums to get your way, but you always seemed to take care of things yourself. It was probably my fault. Having Rachel when you were a toddler stole all of my attention from you. She always seemed to need me more. I know I should’ve told you more, how proud I was of all you’ve accomplished through the years. I think I often held back because I didn’t want Rachel to feel bad. She didn’t have the drive you did. But I still should have told you.”

Lying here, I can’t believe all I’m hearing today. It’s eye-opening.

“Kat, I know this is hard right now. But you’re a special girl. The right man will come along. The only thing that’ll matter to him is you. The two of you will figure the rest out.”

I lie here with her, my tears slowing a bit, taking in her words. I try to find comfort in them. But I’m sure of one thing. Nick Barnes is meant to have children. He wants lots of babies. He’s amazing with Seth and Ruby and went so far as to sign up to be a “big brother” to a kid in need. I can’t ask him to give up his dreams for me. It’d be different if we were in some committed relationship. But we’ve been doomed from the start. Now I have this stuff with Mark to contend with. Granted, now that I’m dealing with life’s newest blow, I barely feel bothered by Mark any longer. But I can’t let any of this spill onto Nick’s life. The last thing he needs after his wife’s betrayal is to have some woman he’s dating splattered all over social media in practically her birthday suit. A woman who can’t even give him what he really wants.

I hear a knock at the door and look up to see Dr. Ryan. My mother sits up, trying to smooth her clothes with her hands, and stands by my bed.

“Hi, I’m Becket Ryan.” He reaches out a hand to my mother. “How’re you doing, Kat?” I can hear the sympathy in his voice. I’m sure in his line of work, he’s used to doling out bad news.

“I’m okay. Considering.”

“Well, I know it’s been a lot.. I think physically you’re well enough to go home if you’d like.”

“Yes. I’d like that.”

“The nurse will go over your post surgical care with you before you leave. Although, I’m sure you probably already know what to expect. I can’t encourage you enough to reach out to your psychologist. I think things will catch up with you later once you’re alone.”

“No, you’re right. I’ll call him this afternoon.” I watch as my mother looks at me questioningly. I’m sure I’ll have to explain that later.

“Okay. Well, I’ll get the discharge process started. Call me if you need anything.”

“Thanks, Dr. Ryan.”

* * *

Two hours later, and a volunteer has arrived with a large cart to carry my assorted flowers to the car. As I’m wheeled to the front doors of the hospital, I wrap my arms around myself in preparation for the December chill. My mother has the car pulled up, and Rachel is waiting for me by the front door.

As she reaches down to pick up a vase of flowers, she whispers, “Holy shit, Kat. Who’s the hot doc?”

From the corner of my eye I see Nick looking at me from the elevator. I cannot handle that right now. I know I’ll start crying if I make eye contact with him. I just need to get home and wallow in this. Without thinking, I answer, “That’s Nick.”

* * *

An hour later, my mother and Rachel have brought in my flowers and plastic hospital-issued water jug, and I’m settled in my bed. My mother puts on a pot of tea, and Rachel is busy fluffing pillows.

“Rach, I’m not dying of cancer. I’ll be fine. I think my heart hurts more than my body.”

I notice her sympathetic gaze. “I know, Kat.”

“Can you do me a favor?”

“Sure, anything.”

“Can you get Mom to go? I honestly just want to have a good cry and go to sleep.”

“Okay. If you’re sure. I’ll tell her we can drop by with some food tomorrow. That’ll get her out of here.”

“Thanks.”

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