Page 80 of Fractured

Walking into her home, I head for the door that leads inside and shut the garage door behind me. As I take in the small space, I realize not much has changed since the last time I was here. I head for her bedroom and place her carefully on her disheveled bed. I’m surprised she hasn’t budged with all the jostling and pelting rain.

I look down at her wet form and immediately look for something to dry her. I don’t want her to start shivering like this. Darting into her bathroom, I grab a towel from the shelf and run back to her side. Placing the thick white towel about her damp skin, I attempt to sop the water lying atop her body. Her clothes are soaked. I hesitate momentarily, fearing she’ll wake up and think I’m taking advantage of her. She’s been through enough. Hell, I ripped her damn shirt open, trying to make it look like we were getting it on in the car. I’m surprised she didn’t slap me then. Yet, I still don’t want to risk her getting sick. I quickly rummage through her dresser for a dry change of clothes. Not sure where she keeps her sleep clothes, I settle for what appears to be an oversized shirt. I grab some boy shorts in her underwear drawer and return to her.

After wiping the excess water from her exposed skin, I carefully cover her with a towel so I can gently remove her top. She’s not wearing a bra. Taking in the state of the room, I suspect she’s been living in pajamas lately. There are multiple water glasses and used tissues lying on her nightstand. Her phone is on the floor beside the bed, the headphones connected. I look down to see Staind playing “Something to Remind You.”Holy hell. That song’s enough to want to off yourself. I grab her phone and click the forward button to move it to anything else. Great, “Broken” by Seether. My new theme song. Choosing not to think about that any longer, I return to removing her wet garments.

I gingerly slide her wet bottoms off of her legs, trying to undress her with dignity, keeping that damp towel on top of her. Once the clothes have been removed, I place them on the floor long enough to dry her skin completely before carefully placing the shirt over her head. I’m surprised how easy this is. Although sedated, she appears to help as I lift each arm into the sleeve. I cautiously drag her white cotton boy shorts up her legs until I feel I’ve reached the gentle slope of her hips. Looking down at my beauty, I exhale. Damn, her hair is still soaking wet. I need to get another towel to wring out her soaked strands.

Turning for the bathroom, I remember the discarded wet items on the floor. Bending down, I grab them as I hear an inaudible mumble escape her lips. I gently place a kiss atop her forehead before I return to the bathroom.

Walking in, I note another dry towel hanging over the tub. As I deposit her wet clothes into the tub, I glance about the space. There’s a wine glass on the floor next to the porcelain tub. Beside it, that bottle of zolpidem, just as I suspected. Toilet tissue is littering the floor, resembling makeshift replacements for Kleenex.

It’s then my heart stops. I force myself to take a lung full of air. “Dealing With Infertility.” What is this? Moving quickly back to the bathroom door, I look over to my beautiful girl. My beautiful, beautiful girl. I can barely breathe. “Kat?”

Nick

I look back down at the book on Kat’s bathroom floor, imagining the horror she’s been dealing with on her own.Fuck.

Carrying the towel back over, I start to dry her hair. There’s a lump in my throat. Now that I’m closer to her, her face really is swollen. She’s probably cried from the moment this happened. I’m not going to let my mind wander to what caused her infertility, but I’m sure this has to be related to her hospital stay.

Recalling the retelling of my own mother’s pregnancy story used to make me sad. Knowing how long they waited and had almost given up hope. But that’s just it. They still had hope. Hope that was ripped away from Katarina.

I run her dark wet strands through the towel until it feels dry enough for her to sleep that way. I wonder if she braids it to sleep?Hell, that’s more than I can figure out on my own.Getting up to take the towel back to the bathroom, I become conscious of the fact I’m a sopping mess. Once I hang her towel to dry, I start removing my clothes. I’ll sleep with wet boxers. I’m not giving her any reason to feel uncomfortable. I’d never fit in one of her shirts, so I’m going to have to plead my innocence if she awakes.

Hearing the tail end of “Broken” lilting through her headphones, I curl into her. Caressing her arms and holding her close. I just need her to feel loved. I want this girl to feel safe.Fuck it, we’ll adopt if she wants kids. There’s no doubt she’s it for me, and I’ll do anything to make her happy.

As I hold her, I feel tears fall onto my arm.Fucking hell, she even cries in her sleep. I change my position a bit to make sure she’s comfortable but not smothered as “lovely” by Billie Eilish and Khalid begins to play. I consider unplugging the headphones and letting the music play louder, but I don’t want to do anything that will awaken her.

Kat

It’s so peaceful here. I feel more at ease than I’ve felt for days. I’m not sure where I am, but the environment feels serene. The scene is painted in muted versions of white, ivory, and light pink, and I feel as if I’m lying amidst flowers. The wind occasionally catches my hair, as I can feel it moving against my skin. But there’s no chill in the air.

As I look at the sky, the rain starts to fall. Or is it my tears again? I can’t seem to escape them. So much loss. So much heartache. What lies in store for me? Me and my useless body?

Miraculously my tears dry, and I feel like I’m being rocked in someone’s arms. I look up to find the face of my sweet Granny. I’m curled in her arms, gliding back and forth as if we’re on an old porch swing. “I’m so happy to see you,” I tell her. She looks down at me with her wise, loving eyes and smiles. There are no words, just the rocking in the breeze and the gentle stroke of my hair. “Gran, I really did it this time.” We rock and rock. “Am I dead?” Clutching her, I begin to cry again.There wasn’t anything in this life for me anyway.

Nick

Readjusting Kat, I hold her in my lap and rock her back and forth. I continue to gently rub her arm and her back and kiss the top of her head. Anything to soothe her weary soul. As I stroke her hair, I notice she continues to mumble inaudible things. But she doesn’t appear scared. I don’t think she’s having a nightmare.

Looking at the clock, it reads 1:00 a.m. I return Kat to the position we were originally lying, as she’s stopped crying, and I no longer hear any murmurs from her. I continue to keep my arms about her as she’s clinging to my hand. Honestly, there’s nowhere else I’d rather be.

I need to try and get at least a few hours of sleep. If I get called into an OR case, I can’t risk being off my game. The alarm on my phone is already set. I left it right next to me so I can hopefully turn it off quickly in the morning, so I won’t wake her.

Nuzzling her hair and asking for God’s mercy on us, I close my eyes and pray for a better day tomorrow.

* * *

I somehow wake before the alarm and dress in my still wet clothing. I should’ve put these in her dryer, but I wasn’t thinking straight last night. I’ve summoned a taxi as I couldn’t get a timely response for an Uber. I decide to set up the coffee maker, so all she has to do is push the button. Looking about the kitchen to find paper to leave her a note, I find a notepad and pen and scribble a message instructing her the coffee pot is loaded and ready to go. I then write a brief note explaining what happened last night, on the off chance she doesn’t recall my being here.

Taking a quick look around, I notice she has the flowers I left for her on the porch in an elegant vase on the kitchen table. I notice other floral arrangements scattered around the home, but my other large bouquet is in the center of the kitchen island. This makes me smile. I hope she knows how much she means to me. And if there’s any doubt, I’ll spend the rest of my life showing her.

Kat

I awake to bright sunlight and rub my eyes. Stretching, I realize I’ve finally gotten sleep. Almost as soon as the smile crosses my face, I notice I’m wearing a shirt I use to paint or do odd jobs around the house. I’ve never worn this to bed. I look around and don’t notice anything else out of place, so I get up and head to the bathroom to brush my teeth. I’ve barely turned on the water before I see my pajamas lying in the bottom of the tub. They appear… wet?

Holy crap, not again.Standing over the tub, I try to remember anything about last night. Nope. I see the pill bottle and the wine glass, and it comes back to me.What was I thinking?

I run to the Nanny cam. I’ve never actually watched anything on here. I try to play with the device to figure out how to see footage from last night and accidentally hit a button that shows the black and white, grainy footage going quickly in reverse. I hit another button, and the video stops. Stops on Nick, carrying me into the bedroom and placing me on the bed.

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