Page 82 of The Bitter Rival

“Any idea when you’ll be back?”

“No. I’ll try to give you plenty of notice. I’ll still be paying you the same wage, so either enjoy a side hustle or take that vacation you’ve been putting off.”

Charlie opens the front passenger door, and Boomerang hops out. I’ve never traveled with a dog before. This will be different. Bending down in front of him, I scratch his ears.

“It’s just you and me, Boom. You ready for this?”Hell, I hope one of us is.

I’ve been in Minnesota for several weeks, and the time has been busy with appointments and therapy sessions. I’ve learned that I’m likely in the beginning stages of a relapse, thus, I should anticipate these symptoms getting worse before they get better. Once it passes, I may have several years before another occurrence strikes. However, there’s no one size fits all to MS. Only time will tell.

I’m blessed to have the financial means to tackle this head-on. I’m taking both a holistic and scientific approach to treatment, hoping it will all benefit me in the long run. The folks I’m working with believe my use of meditation and yoga has only benefitted me. They also strongly recommend a good exercise routine. Thus, I’ll have to continue to work more regularly with my personal trainer once I return.

Minnesota has its benefits. Beyond The Mayo Clinic, its many lakes and parks make it a great place to live. When it’s not thirty degrees below zero. I plan to travel somewhere tropical when the hard winter weather strikes.

Boomerang loves it here too. He gets lots of walks and enjoys swimming in the lake. In the short time we’ve been here, I’ve managed to locate a top-notch veterinarian who referred us to a kennel that trains service dogs. They’ve been working with Boomerang. They typically only train pups, but the trainer put Boom through the paces and was shocked at how well he’s done. He feels he can qualify for whatever I need. I just need to locate a private nurse who’s willing to travel with me, and I’ll be all set. I know I can’t run from my problems. But until this relapse is over, I plan to see the world and try to come up with a plan for my future.

As much as I loved my career, there’s no question I can’t continue to put a patient at risk, given what I now know. I’ll have to consider whether a career change is in order or whether I’ll simply retire early and focus on other pursuits.

I’ve sent an email to Nick advising that the stress was compromising my work and that I needed to take a step back before something catastrophic happened to one of my patients. We’d spoken enough about it before I left, so this should appease him until I can explain more. I hate keeping him at arm’s length, but I can’t risk anything I tell him going from Kat to Bella. I need my girl mad enough at me that she’ll move on and not look back.

In the quiet hours when Boom and I sit on the porch of our lake house rental, my mind always returns to her. This beautiful, strong woman that I was blessed to know, even for such a short time. I have no doubt she’d insist on giving up more of herself to be with me. It’s not vanity. it’s just who she is. Forever putting the people she cares about before her own wants and needs.

She’s spent the majority of her adult life taking a back seat to her child. If she became pregnant with my son or daughter, she’d have the full weight of that on her shoulders as I don’t know what my future holds. If she wants more children, I can’t ask her to give that up on top of everything else. I can’t sit and watch her spend her days being caretaker to her adult Autistic son, our child, and me. She deserves so much more.

She was so excited about graduating and finally working in her chosen career after all of these years. She put her first husband through school just to have him run out on them. Well, I wasn’t going to be another man in her life looking to take advantage. She and Austin will always be my priority. Even if she doesn’t know it.

CHAPTERTHIRTY-FOUR

Sebastian

It’s been two months since I left home. I spent just shy of a month in Minnesota before the cooler weather pushed me toward a warmer climate. I packed up Boomerang, and off we flew to Tulum. Mexico was gorgeous. The sea, sand, and warm climate were what my body needed. Can’t say it did anything for my soul. I fear that may be irrevocably broken.

I’d found a nurse who fit the bill. She’s old enough to be my mother but strong enough to deal with me. She’s a fiery redhead I refer to as Nurse Nancy. While she doesn’t interfere in my life choices, she doesn’t put up with my shit and gets things done. If I have a solemn day where I want to skip exercising, she’ll drive me crazy until I get my ass in gear. It’s a good thing, considering things have only gotten worse since I left Minnesota.

My weakness has progressed. I don’t know how long this relapse will last, but I’m currently at the disposal of braces for mobility. I use the wheelchair when I’m alone, conserving my energy. But try to make short trips with the braces to get out once in a while. I’ve gotten used to the pitiful glances. The worst is when I get the come hither glances and watch them quickly look away when they see me needing the braces to stand. Not that it matters. There’s no interest in other women. But you develop some thick skin when you go from being a playboy to an invalid.

All women aren’t this judgmental. But in my travels, the women I meet are not looking to saddle themselves to someone needy. They’re on vacation from their troubles. They don’t need to collect a new one as a souvenir. I know of one woman who’d never dismiss me. But I blew that.

I’ve been second-guessing my decision to leave Bella without an explanation. I know deep down what I’m doing is best, but I harken it to someone deciding they no longer want chemo to fight their cancer. How do you walk away, knowing the only life you’ve ever really known depends on what you’re leaving behind? Yet, in my case, continuing to expose Bella to my weaknesses wouldn’t hurt me as much as it would slowly destroy her. It’s too much to ask.

But God, I miss her. I miss her so much it’s physically painful. I’ve tried to rub the spot in the center of my chest where it feels my heart has been ripped out to the point I’m probably losing chest hair. Lying in bed, I can almost feel her in my arms.I’m starting to lose it.

We’ve almost reached our destination. We left Tulum, driving toward Cancun to board a cruise ship. I’ll be able to see more of the world, even if it’s from my veranda. I’ve always enjoyed the water and think this could be good for me. The ship will have a gym, a spa, and a doctor available if needed. It’ll break up the depression that has started to settle in.

Arriving at the cruise terminal, it’s wall-to-wall chaos. Thank god Nancy is with me. There’s no way I could manage this on my own. As we maneuver the check-in system and get Boom cleared to board the ship, I pray this will bring me some much-needed peace.

The last few nights have haunted me. I haven’t slept well. My mood must really be deteriorating as Boomerang is continually placing his head in my lap, looking up at me with those sorrow-filled eyes as if he’s trying to reassure me. I already feel so alone, what would’ve become of me had this loyal canine not invaded my life?

Bzzz. Bzzz.

I notice Nick’s name on my screen and quickly answer the call before we board, and I no longer have easy access to people on the mainland.

“Hey, Nick. Glad you called when you did. I’m boarding a cruise ship in Cancun and probably won’t have service for a week or so.”

“Ah, partying on the high seas, are you?”

I drop my head, not wanting to lie to my friend any longer.

“Bas? Did I lose you?”

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