Page 53 of Moonshot

CHAPTERTWENTY-FIVE

Ava

He’s so angry. And hurt. As much as I’ve been hurting, I try to remind myself how awful this had to be for him. To see what he did and instantly think the worst. Because the worst had already been done to him, and so it’s what he expects. I try to reassure myself of this, so his anger won’t derail me from my mission.

“Mick, your incredibly sweet sister text me from your phone. She overheard you talking to your mom about how we weren’t seeing each other any longer and knew how badly you were hurting, even if you didn’t want to admit it. She wanted to do something to help.” I stop to take a breath, feeling my voice quivering with nerves. “She sent a text, asking if I’d meet her, pretending to be you.” I again pause, stopping to take another breath, waiting to see if he’ll join me in this conversation. When he doesn’t, I proceed.

“Emmaleigh told me what you saw in the office. It wasn’t what you think. I suffer from horrendous migraines. I have for years. My mother turned to pills, became depressed, and spent much of my youth bedridden. I refuse to let that happen, and so I’ve pushed through and continue to work as best I can. That day was awful. The headache was so bad I ended up in the ER that night.” I again stop momentarily, taking in his blank expression. Why is this so much harder than I expected? Why can’t he reach out and make this a little easier? Please, just say something.Crickets… I can practically hear crickets.

“Anyway, I often take a pill, turn off the lights, and spend my lunch break with my head down. When I felt hands on my shoulders, I thought that you’d come in when my eyes were closed, only to find Dr. Stark. I thought it was you, Mick.”

I watch his face closely for any hint of understanding, but there’s nothing. He just stands speechless, looking at me.

“He was making me attend a stupid dinner lecture he was giving with one of the drug reps, and the stress of that made my headache worse. I barely made it through the PowerPoint presentation before my mother had to come to get me and take me to the emergency room. I told him I’m going to find another job because I can’t stand working for him anymore.” I wring my hands, wishing this was a two-person conversation versus feeling like I’m throwing myself at the mercy of the court.I didn’t do anything wrong. So why does it feel like I’m the guilty party? He should have talked to me.

“Emmaleigh told me about Paula. About how she hurt you. I’m so sorry, Mick. Please know, I’d never hurt you that way.” I look at his handsome, rugged face. Imploring him to speak, trying not to cry as I stare into his dark brown eyes. “I’ve been so miserable, wondering why you left without a word,” I manage to squeak out, praying these tears will stay back. Lord, give me strength. I want him back, but he has to answer to this. I refuse to let him think I’m weak and begging for him to come back, just because I’m opening the door for this conversation to finally happen.

“Mick?”God, please say something.

“You really love me?” he asks as if in disbelief.

Yes, you stupid boy.After all of that. Was that all he heard?Did he stop listening after those three words came out?“Yes. I’ve been heartsick without you.” I can’t stop the tears from falling now, darn it. But I’ve been brave long enough.

Suddenly, he pulls me into his strong, sweaty body and clutches me to him like I’m his life preserver in a class five hurricane. Standing in the middle of this deserted little league baseball field for what feels like an hour, we just hold one another. There’s no place else I’d rather be. His arms feel so good around me. He smells so good, covered in sweat and surrender. My heart feels as if someone’s placed a bandaid over the hole that was previously there. We have a long way to go to feel restored, but this is the most comfort I’ve felt in weeks.

Mick pulls back and looks down into my swollen tear-filled eyes. Cupping my cheeks as if making a declaration, he finally opens up to me. “Ava, I’m so, so sorry. I never meant to hurt you. I felt so betrayed and couldn’t see beyond my anger. God, I’ve been horrible to you.” Pulling me back into him, stroking my hair as if verifying this is real, I feel him rest his chin on the top of my head. “I don’t deserve it, but could you ever forgive me?”

Now it’s my turn to stay silent. I need to tell him exactly how I’m feeling. That as much as I care for him, I cannot allow any man to treat me this way again.

As the silence stretches on longer than is comfortable, he withdraws from our embrace to peer down at me in earnest. Swiping my tears with his thumbs, he proceeds to lay gentle kisses on my cheeks.

“I forgive you, Mick. You were just hurt. I’m so thankful your sister could see that.”

As if in relief, he squeezes me in his tight embrace, continuing to kiss my temple. “I promise to make it up to you, Ava. I’m going to make this right.”

That’s my cue. Standing taller, I take a few steps back and notice a look of concern dot his features. “Yes, you will.” I continue to step away from him, knowing I could cave if I don’t have some distance between us.

Taking a calming breath, I begin just as I practiced at home. “Michael York, you’re a grown man. I understand you’ve been hurt, but you had no right to walk away without a conversation. The thought this relationship could’ve been ended because you couldn’t grow a pair… couldn’t man up and talk to me.” My tears start to tumble again. As he takes a step toward me, I hold up my hand.

“I’m done letting men treat me like I’m disposable. That I’m not worthy of them once they’ve slept with me.”

“Av-” Again, I hold up my hand.

“Hurt me like that once, shame on you. But if I let you hurt me like that twice, shame on me. This will be the only time miscommunication will derail us. If youeverwithhold anything from me in the future, it’s game over.”

“You’re right. I understand, Ava. I’m sorry.”

“Well, you’re not the only one who’s been hurt before, Mick. But I was willing to go all in. To trust you.” Stopping to take a cleansing breath, whispering to my heart to calm down, I begin again.

“The night I received those crazy texts from you, I worried you were texting the wrong girl. You’d never acted that way with me before. I decided to call you and clear the air, rather than play games and wonder all night about what was happening. But when I called you, the situation wasn’t any clearer. There was no way of knowing your ridiculous texts and near silence on the phone line were from taking cold medicine. I could’ve chosen to believe you were drunk and not alone. But I decided to believe you. Believe in the man I was coming to know and care about.”

Mick hangs his head, the reality of the situation starting to become a little clearer. I don’t want to shame him. But he needs to see this can never happen again.

“I need thirty days. Thirty days for you to think about everything that’s happened between us. I deserve a man who’s mature enough to come to me when there’s a problem. Who’ll talk to me. Who’ll show me how much I mean to him. That I never need to doubt the type of relationship we have. I’m serious, Mick. I don’t hand my heart to anyone lightly.”

“I understand, Ava. I can do that.” He begins to step toward me again, and once more, I have to back away and lift my hand to clarify.

“I won’t see you over the next thirty days. When I do, I need to know you’re all in.”

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