Pain rippled off her light, right before she wrapped her arms around her chest and torso, looking up at him. She didn’t seem to notice herself, how she held herself, or how she looked at him now. Staring down at her, at her mouth, at the long line of her neck, his pain worsened to the point where he gritted his teeth.
He felt his frustration bleed into hers, until it was almost anger.
Then he realized it was anger.
That fucker had been right about that, too.
“I’m mad at you,” he said, blunt. “I was a dick. And I know I have no right to be. I’m mad at you, and I’m still being a dick… but I know I’m in the wrong.” Clicking at her, he shook his head, mostly at himself. “I know I have no right, doc. I know I’m in the wrong… which is why I haven’t said anything. I have no fucking right… and not only because of all the bullshit you’ve been through this past month, Miri.”
She blinked, staring at him.
He watched her eyes narrow as she looked at him, that look she got when it almost seemed like she might be scanning him, but he couldn’t feel her light.
More than anything, she looked confused.
Somehow, watching her look at him like that, he wanted to shake her.
“Goddamn it, Miri,” he growled.
His throat closed.
Staring at her, he curled his fingers into fists, more to keep himself from touching her.
“I saw you with him.” His voice came out gruff, almost thick. “Do you get that? I fucking saw you with him. I had to stand there, waiting for a good time to shoot, and I watched him fuck you…” His jaw clenched harder, and he shook his head. “…rape you. Not fuck… rape. I know it was rape. I know that. I can tell myself it was venom… I know it was fucking venom. I’ve been venomed. I know what it does. I know none of it was your fault. But I can’t get that goddamned image out of my head. I watched you come with him. I watched you come… with him.”
She stared up at him.
She had frozen somewhere in his speech.
He saw understanding bleed into her face, into those light-filled eyes.
He watched those hazel, green and gold-flecked eyes stare up at him, so wide it could only be fear. Her eyes studied his, a kind of panic in the light at their core, a deeper panic in her aleimi as it whispered around her and him.
Then he watched her eyes close.
He watched her face change as his words hit her, a roiling mass of shame and pain flooding his light from hers.
Looking at her, he couldn’t take it anymore.
He took a step forward, and caught hold of her arms.
He felt her pain worsen exponentially, making him suck in a breath.
She raised her hands as if to ward him off, to ward off his light, shaking her head. Feeling her push at him with her light, feeling that shame and panic in her worsen, he wrapped his arm around her waist, pulling her gently to him.
He coiled his light around hers, wrapping himself around her until she cried out.
She hit him in the chest, hard, and he released her at once.
When he stepped back, staring at her, her eyes filled with tears.
She still hadn’t said a fucking word.
“I love you,” he growled. “I love you, Miriam… and I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry for what an immature, stupid fucking prick I’ve been.”
Seeing her eyes brighten more, seeing those tears running down her face, he stopped, unable to speak.
His throat closed, making it hard to breathe.