Page 489 of Kingdoms of Night

“Whenever you are ready.”

“Tonight? If there is such a thing here.” I glanced at the windows, irrationally angry at the daylight that poured in for not becoming my solution. “Does this light hurt you?”

He shook his head. “Only when it’s direct does it burn. Being filtered through the thick glass removes the edge.”

“Which in turn does nothing for your obscurity,” I realized, further disappointed. “There has to be a midpoint between these two.”

One hand was removed to gesture to the contents of the table, leaving me suddenly aching for its return, like a bandage had been removed. “Is that what you were hoping to find in these books?”

“My theory hinged on a western tale, about a man who ventured into the underworld with a torch lit by ‘heavenly fire’. I was hoping to find out what that was and test if it could work for you,” I explained, now feeling more embarrassed than afraid.

“No doubt a tale that has gone through enough translations to lose its original context.” He tutted. His retreat left me reeling from the loss of his touch. “A few things could fit that description, the question is whether they’re worth the experiment.”

“Does any light burn, or just sunlight?”

“Nothing is as intense as the sun’s fire, even when it shines from far away.”

I flipped through the book, progressing to the smaller chapters on less tried and tested methods and sources. “So, you’re saying we need to find something close but not quite?”

His hand came over mine, pausing me mid-turn. “Why are you doing this?”

Bewilderment left my thoughts lagging, half-formed questions projecting out my dull stare. “I told you why.”

Unaware or not, he had begun to stroke my hand. A breezing, calming caress that inspired pleasant shivers up my arm. “No, why are you making this kind of effort, like I commissioned you for a solution as I did my underlings.”

“Well, didn’t you?”

“I didn’t commission you, I married you.”

“So I could liberate you and all who need you.”

“A daunting task I’m now realizing I should have been more tactful with.”

“Like you said, it’s not you I fear.” My mouth quirked into an awkward, brief smile. “It’s the outcome I’m used to. Which now seems as distant as it can get, as well as the fear you and your courtiers hold towards my actions.”

“Meissa, what are you saying?”

“I’m saying that you have given me purpose.” I laughed mid-speech, only realizing how pathetic I sounded. “Daunting as it may be, it has given me reason to continue living.”

“I feel the same way about my duty to this world, and to defeating Ashtara,” he admitted, unhinging my jaw. “It is hard to hold on to life when it seems to have ended for a while, leaving you to justexist.”

He’d expressed how I felt so clearly, I had to wonder if he could read minds. “That’s how I’ve felt for too long. That my life has no trajectory, save for things getting worse and further out of my control.”

“No one knows that fear more than me.” He reached for a ray of light pouring from a hanging lantern, his skin losing dimension and his curved nails growing translucent. “Which is why I am open to any radical ideas you have.”

“Any ideas?” I stressed. “Any at all?”

“Anything is better than nothing, especially if it’s reignited your desire to wake in the morning. That alone is a precious sensation that can’t be dismissed.”

I waded closer, temptation itching beneath my skin to reach past the contained and feel what stood underneath. “What’s makingyoulook forward to waking up now?”

Tamuz’s head snapped in my direction, unveiling new angles to his face. “You.”

Pinned to my spot, I inhaled sharply. “My investment in my new role, you mean? But you had no knowledge of that til now.”

“I didn’t need to know. I felt it when I met you at the altar, and when I saw you in the lunar sunrise as I brought you home.”

All misery and cynicism fled for the dark corners he ought to haunt, leaving me with a clarity that could only emerge from great contrast. In such brief exchanges, where I couldn’t even read his face for any tell-tale signs or seek out intention in his eyes, I knew and believed that he understood me, and needed me just as much as I could need him.

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